Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
WHO MIGHT BE LISTENING?
I was leading a Sunday children’s class when I complained that I was cold. As I wrapped my cardigan tightly around myself, one young girl observed aloud, “It’s because your clothes are cheap.” To emphasize her point, she then cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “Cheap!” The other leaders looked at me, wide-eyed, but I began to laugh! This six-year-old child had spoken the truth; my clothes are usually cheap. Suspecting she had heard these words elsewhere, I laughed to imagine the reaction of the originator if they were to learn how their words had been repeated.
~~~~~
Years ago, when I was a teenaged server at a Big Boy restaurant, a regular customer came in every day to sit at a large table and sip coffee for hours. This irritated me because I would lose that table for the morning, and so lose other groups of diners–and their tips. One day, after he had paid his bill, I complained to the other servers just how much he annoyed me. I then turned to find him still standing at the register, silently frowning. Caught and chagrined, I shrugged and said, “Well, you do.” (I still wince.)
~~~~~
I appreciate the art of words, the way they can be crafted into gifts of encouragement, wisdom, or beauty. Words can be used to share compassion, creativity, kindness, instruction, and affirmation. Talented writers use words to compose lyrics or poetry for soothing our spirits and inspiring our souls. Yet–too often–words are not beautiful or uplifting, but hurtful and even hateful. Perhaps through the ease of communicating from a distance (messaging, social media) and the poor example of prominent leaders, there has been an abundance of words that insult, criticize, ridicule, condemn.
These words can be spoken in a moment but are remembered for a lifetime.
A helpful guide that comes to my mind (not often enough) is to remember that my words can extend more than I intend, and to ask myself, “Who else could be listening? Who might read this text? Who is quietly observing me and the words I say?“
And when I consider how far my words could reach, I look to the heavens…
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable to you,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14 (NRSVUE)
Photo by Karen
Bible verse found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
JOY IN THIS MOMENTARY SEASON
At the beginning of April, I changed our home altar from a somber Lenten decor to a springtime theme. Our canvases of dogwood blossoms are lovely, but they cannot compare to the flowering trees in our neighborhood as creation now blooms anew!
Nature is providing timely lessons for me in this season. Every spring the sprouts and blossoms reappear, displaying joy and hope in their fragile flowers and buds. Their blossoming time is fleeting and precious, for soon a springtime wind will carry them away or a morning frost will nip them. Their blossoming time is also natural and necessary, for the abundant fruit and leaves are waiting for their turn to flourish. So, April is inspiring me to celebrate this moment with joy, and to trust that a more abundant fullness will come with my next season.
Winter brought a few physical challenges and in turn, spiritual challenges as well. I often became discouraged by my hip pain, exacerbated by the cold, damp weather and then a mild case of shingles. * My confidence was shaken when I spent the night in an emergency center after I fainted while staying with my daughter and grandsons. I am usually an optimist, but during our prayer time one February morning, I tearfully looked at Jim and admitted my despair.
Now, as I regard the perfect way all of creation is bursting with delicate, colorful, and fragrant beauty–just for this moment–I am trying to regard my own fragile season as precious and fleeting, and to radiate with an inner joy while I wait for my next season. Our lives are filled with personal, seasonal cycles–times to flourish or wait, produce or rest, adapt or heal, lie fallow or grow, mature or refresh, prepare or surrender. Each season can reveal a gift for us if we remain open and observant.
In that hope, I am grateful.
May I celebrate the gifts of this fragile yet beautiful waiting season,
find hope in the new life greening and growing,
scatter daily blessings as blossoms of joy,
let this momentary time teach and inspire,
and await the coming of a new and certain season of growth.
* Thank you for your prayers, Sandy, Kay, and any others who have prayed as I wait for my hip replacement. My spirit is much better these days. I will see the surgeon in two weeks!
A note about the shingles virus:
I had the original shingles vaccine years ago, but not the newer Shingrix vaccine. My case was mild–my rash was only about 1.5″ in diameter–but the shooting nerve pain and fatigue were troublesome. I believe the fainting was most likely caused by the shingles virus in my neck vertebrae. I share this with you in case you are considering the Shingrix. For me, it is a wise choice–and I will get this soon.
(Photos by Karen)
21. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: RISE
EASTER SUNDAY, March 31st
Follow Jesus…
What a wondrous experience this must have been! The two grieving women visit the tomb on that early morning after the Sabbath, only to encounter a dazzling angel who tells them that Jesus is not there–he has been raised from the dead! And as they hurry to tell the disciples, they actually come upon the risen Christ!
to be the best version of myself…
We have reached this glorious Easter day, in which we celebrate how Jesus was raised to life anew–and how his resurrection means that we too, have life anew–and life eternally.
This morning, I imagine myself with the two women. We come to the tomb in deep grief, only to discover that the tomb is empty and there is an angel proclaiming the incredible reason why! But as the women hurry off to tell the disciples, I enter the tomb to pause for a moment…
I sit on the stone where Jesus’ body once was, and I pick up a remnant of the cast-off burial cloth. I look back at the entrance of the tomb, where daylight is beckoning me, where the women are already meeting the risen Christ. But first, I reflect, “What remnants of winter dreariness might I leave behind here, too? What should I cast off, what binds me from living fully and freely in love?”
It is then that I sense his presence… yes, the risen Christ is outside the tomb, but also here, with me and within me. And I can hear him saying, “There is no need to remain in this tomb. You no longer need to pause in the darkness of your imperfection, to scrutinize every scrap of sin. Come with me, embracing the abundant life I offer. You will be transformed in the light of my love, my joy, and my freedom–not in the darkness of your shame or guilt. Rise now and greet this glorious new morning!”
I stand up, and with deep gratitude, I touch the empty stone once more, turn to face the dawn, and joyfully enter the radiant light of day.
for the world.
Risen Christ, Infinite Love,
Because of you I can now
discard these useless, binding cloths,
welcome your presence with me,
rise up to enter the radiant light of life,
and make haste to serve others in love.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for accompanying me through the Lenten, Holy Week, and Easter season. I hope you have been blessed–for you are always a blessing to me.
(Photo by Karen, the dawn of a new day.)
~~~~~
Matthew 28:1-10 (NRSVUE)
After the Sabbath, as the first day of the week was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. And suddenly there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord, descending from heaven, came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning and his clothing white as snow. For fear of him the guards shook and became like dead men. But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has been raised, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples, ‘He has been raised from the dead, and indeed he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him.’ This is my message for you.” So they left the tomb quickly with fear and great joy and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came to him, took hold of his feet, and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers and sisters to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”
20. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: DESCEND
HOLY SATURDAY VIGIL, March 30th
Follow Jesus…
Jesus will spend three days “in the heart of the earth” as this passage describes. Between Jesus’ death on Good Friday until his resurrection on Easter Sunday, we wait… Holy Saturday is a liminal time of quiet waiting, as God works in the darkness.
to be the best version of myself…
In her book, The Humility of God, Ilia Delio, O.S.F., describes the Franciscan perspective that God comes to us because of love, not because of sin. She writes, “The humility of God means that God’s love is so abundant that God is willing to plunge into the darkness of humanity to bring us into the fullness of life.”1
Jesus lived out God’s humble, descending way, from his birth in a lowly manger to his death on a criminal’s cross. He taught about being last, about servanthood: “Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all” (Mark 9:35). He even told the disciples that they would do greater works than he (John 14:12). And Jesus descended into the darkness of the tomb upon his death. His love was always descending, always putting God and neighbor before himself.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Thank you that, through Jesus, you have humbly come to us in love. Through Jesus, you reveal how you are always working to transform us and bring us to new life, even in our darkest times. Work in me today, in this dark and liminal time of waiting. Show me the ways I too, can descend in love for you and your creation. Thank you that today I can wait with hope.
Our reading for tomorrow (Easter Sunday) is Matthew 28:1-10.
1Delio, Ilia. The Humility of God: A Franciscan Perspective. St. Anthony Messenger Press, 2005.
Photo by Majharul Islam on Unsplash
~~~~~
Matthew 12:40 (NRSVUE)
For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the sea monster, so for three days and three nights the Son of Man will be in the heart of the earth.
19. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: FORGIVE
GOOD FRIDAY, March 29th
Read Luke 23:32-34 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
Jesus is slowly, painfully, dying on the cross. He has been placed between two criminals, left naked and abandoned by many, and is taunted by the ones who remain. And yet he prays, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
to be the best version of myself…
This is truly an incredible moment. In the worst hour of his life, close to death, as he endures excruciating pain and is barely able to breathe, he still utters these words. “Father, forgive them…” He asks God to forgive the people of their fear, hatred, and violence that arose from their misguided expectations and lack of understanding. His compassionate, selfless words now extend to all of us.
Today holds deep sadness as I remember Jesus’ suffering and death, as well as my own misguided expectations, my misunderstandings of his will and my purpose.
Today holds great relief, for I am forgiven, I am understood, I am loved beyond all knowing.
So today also holds a challenge, for I am called to forgive others, to understand others, to love others as Jesus has loved me. May it be so.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
I am sorry for the ways I have sinned against you and others in my life. I am sad that Jesus suffered and died as he did. Thank you for Jesus–who is your presence, your forgiveness, and your love, here with us, now and always. Keep guiding me to follow his example, to be his compassionate, forgiving presence in our world.
Our reading for tomorrow (Holy Saturday) is Matthew 12:40.
Photo by Karen. Hope is on the horizon.
Luke 23:32-34 (NRSVUE)
Two others also, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. When they came to the place that is called The Skull, they crucified Jesus there with the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they cast lots to divide his clothing.
18. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: SERVE
MAUNDY THURSDAY, March 28th
Read John 13:3-17 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
After dinner with his disciples on that evening we now call Maundy Thursday, Jesus sets an example for all of us. He ties a towel around himself, pours water into a basin, then washes their feet. He even washes the feet of the one who was to betray him. Jesus then tells his disciples (and us), “For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.”
to be the best version of myself…
Two thoughts come to my mind today. Jesus chose to serve by washing dirty feet, a most unpleasant task. And Jesus chose to serve Judas (who would soon betray him), a most difficult person. “I have set you an example,” he tells me.
But I would rather serve with the tasks I enjoy, for the people I love. Yes, I will readily make soup for an ailing family member, send a note of encouragement to a dear friend, care for my sweet grandchildren. I am also willing to volunteer for community service, speak up for social justice issues, donate to relief agencies…
“As long as I can serve cleanly, conveniently, and happily, I am your servant, Jesus.”
Then I think of those whose servant hearts take them deeper into compassionate service. The caregivers who tend the toileting needs of the ill or elderly. The teachers and aides who deal with troubled and volatile students. The supporters who stand before fire hoses or tear gas in solidarity with demonstrators. The firefighters, police officers, emergency medical teams, and other brave souls who put their lives in danger to rescue complete strangers. The peacemakers who return merciful kindness to those who have caused them harm.
They serve as Jesus has instructed us to serve, and I am humbled and convicted.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Thank you for the loving life of Jesus and the example he has set for us. Thank you for the selfless, compassionate, caring people who serve as he has taught us to do. Open my heart to truly serve–in the ways that I am needed, for the ones who need me–no matter who, no matter what I may be called to do.
Our reading for tomorrow, Good Friday, is Luke 22:32-34.
Photo by Karen.
John 13:3-17 (NRSVUE)
Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands and that he had come from God and was going to God, got up from supper, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus answered, “You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You will never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “One who has bathed does not need to wash, except for the feet, but is entirely clean. And you are clean, though not all of you.” For he knew who was to betray him; for this reason he said, “Not all of you are clean.”
After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had reclined again, he said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Very truly, I tell you, slaves are not greater than their master, nor are messengers greater than the one who sent them. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.
17. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: RESIST
Sunday, March 24th
PALM SUNDAY
Read Matthew 21:6-13 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
As Jesus rides into Jerusalem on a donkey, exemplifying humility and peace, the adoring crowds gather to praise and adore him. But after this joyful and hopeful entrance, Jesus then creates havoc in the temple, overturning the tables of the money changers and sellers. His surprising actions are seemingly contradictory–as he quickly moves from peacemaker to troublemaker!
to be the best version of myself…
This story is one of resistance. On the lowly donkey, Jesus resists the crowd’s expectations for a new ruler-king by refraining from any show of regal power. At the temple, he resists the greedy injustices of the marketplace by reacting with angry indignation.
The crowd expected Jesus to be more than he was–but he was more than they could imagine.
Today I ask myself… What should I resist by refraining? What should I resist by reacting?
To become my best, I can try to resist by refraining from my ways of living and being that are not of God. Following the humble example of Jesus in this particular passage, I can repent when I feel superior or righteous, release my need for attention or recognition, and refrain from seeking any privilege or advantage that others cannot have.
I can try to resist by reacting like Jesus against greed and injustice. Following the passionate example of Jesus in this passage, I can respond visibly, courageously, and at times, angrily against harmful and oppressive systems, rally with others for equality, fairness, and justice, and react by writing, speaking, defending, and standing for those who have not been seen or heard.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Guide me to refrain from any inner tendencies that are not of you.
Give me the awareness to truly see what needs to be changed,
the humility to surrender to your good work within,
and the quiet peace of your presence,
that my resistance may witness to your love.
Inspire me to react to any outer situations that are not of you.
Give me the courage to speak when I feel timid,
the inspiration to act when I feel unconcerned,
and the determined power of your presence,
that my resistance may witness to your love.
Our reading for Maundy Thursday (28th) will be John 13:3-17.
Photo by Karen; grasses seem to be waving their praises.
~~~~~
Matthew 21:6-13 (NRSVUE)
The disciples went and did as Jesus had directed them; they brought the donkey and the colt and put their cloaks on them, and he sat on them. A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, and others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and that followed were shouting,
“Hosanna to the Son of David!
Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord!
Hosanna in the highest heaven!”
When he entered Jerusalem, the whole city was in turmoil, asking, “Who is this?” The crowds were saying, “This is the prophet Jesus from Nazareth in Galilee.”
Then Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who were selling and buying in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. He said to them, “It is written,
‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’
but you are making it a den of robbers.”
16. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: ENCOURAGE
Thursday, March 21st
Read John 14:1-3, 27; 15:9-11; 16:33 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
Earlier in the book of John, Jesus warns his disciples, “I am with you only a little longer…” (vs. 13:33). Then, beginning with his new commandment to love one another, he continues with words of encouragement to sustain and inspire them after his death. “Do not let your hearts be troubled… Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you… I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete… I have said this to you so that in me you may have peace…”
His words are for all of us. Jesus loves us, calls us to love one another, and then assures us of his peace, joy, and abiding presence as we carry on his work in the world.
to be the best version of myself…
I am surprised that Jesus (well aware that his life was threatened) could continue to prepare his disciples by instructing and encouraging them for the days ahead. Perhaps as he speaks, Jesus is also encouraging himself; affirming aloud that his presence will remain, that the eternal kingdom is ready for him, that love will surely reign. In his every word, there is the assurance of God’s presence, power, and purpose–beyond our daily experiences and sufferings, beyond our fears and sorrows, beyond our human understanding.
This encouragement is what helps us to love well. Love can come more readily and generously when I am peaceful, joyful, trusting in Christ. Love can withstand hurt and hardship when I sense God’s comforting presence offering so much more. Love can remain and strengthen when I abide in Christ and know Christ abides in me. Love can expand when I assure others of this incredible goodness of God in Christ.
Love remains, love abides, love lasts eternally. There is no greater encouragement than this.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Thank you for these encouraging words of Jesus. May I trust his promises, feel your presence, and live in your love. May I become a source of encouragement for someone who needs to know they are beloved, too. Thank you that Jesus’ words are true–for him, and for all of us.
Our reading for Sunday (24th) is Matthew 21:6-13.
Photo of the dawn by Karen.
~~~~~
John 14:1-3, 27
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.
John 15:9-11
As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
John 16:33
I have said this to you so that in me you may have peace. In the world you face persecution, but take courage: I have conquered the world!”
15. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: SIMPLIFY
Tuesday, March 19th
Read Matthew 6:19-21 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
Jesus teaches the disciples and the gathered crowd the wisdom of storing eternal treasures over earthly ones. Yes, it’s true that one day we will not have any of these temporary treasures (“we can’t take it with us”) and even now, we could lose them to any number of calamities. But better still, when our heart’s treasure is found in the gifts of God, we experience new freedom, joy, generosity, and peace–treasures of heaven, here and now.
to be the best version of myself…
Christine Valters-Paintner writes about simplicity and ascetism in her book, The Artist’s Rule. She writes, “Simplicity calls us to live more intentionally… to recognize life’s essentials and what should be abandoned because of the unproductive energy it requires. We might discard thoughts, habits, or tangible objects that drain energy from our hearts’ truest desires.”1
I was struck by this idea of simplifying more than our belongings; to extend this practice to our ways of living and being, to pursue “our hearts’ truest desires”–those eternal ones of God. I need to ask more often, Is this the best use of our finances, our God-given resources? Is this the best use of my time, of my bonus and finite days of life? Where am I spending unproductive energy? Is there something I can eliminate to replace with something better–or simply to leave space? At the end of my life, will I be glad to have done this, or purchased this, or kept this, or worried about this?
Where might I create more space for God in my soul?
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Thank you for the wise teachings of Jesus. Make me aware of any earthly treasures that keep me from you and your better gifts, where I find my heart’s true treasure. May I use the resources you have given us for your better good, and may I simplify my life to create more space–for relationships, for creativity, for reflection, and for presence with you.
Our reading for Thursday (21), will be John 14:1-3, 27; 15:9-11; 16:33
1Valters-Painter, Christine. The Artist’s Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom. 2011, Sorin Books.
Photo by Karen, the beauty of simplicity.
~~~~~
Matthew 6:19-21 (NRSVUE)
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
14. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: SHARE
Sunday, March 17th
Read Matthew 25:35-40 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
Jesus teaches that when we kindly share with others–especially those in need–we are sharing with Jesus himself. He names the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the unclothed, the sick, and the imprisoned in his list of people we are to serve.
to be the best version of myself…
Our friends, Kurt and Judy, generously and graciously follow this teaching of Jesus. A few years ago, Kurt saw a news story about the number of impoverished people in his community, and he was immediately inspired to help. He now packs a number of lunches each morning and drives through the city to distribute them to any who would like one. He and Judy have also provided clothing, transportation, help for housing, and part-time employment for people in need. They have experienced times of discouragement and frustration, but their passion and purpose endure. They truly live to serve others as Jesus has taught.
Too often, I can become skeptical, intimidated, or selfish about sharing with others. I tend to overlook my privilege, make excuses, or question whether others will use my donation for what I intend. I forget that Jesus loves “the least of these”–that Jesus is even included as “the least of these.” I am grateful for people like our friends, who steadfastly model what it means to love our neighbor.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Open my eyes to first see you in others,
Open my ears to hear your call to love and serve,
Open my spirit to receive your strength and courage,
Open my heart to serve you–and the least of these–well.
(Photo by Judy; Jim and I are helping Kurt assemble lunches.)
Our reading for Tuesday (19th) is Matthew 6:19-21.
Top photo by Karen; Grampy Jim is sharing a cupcake with our granddaughter.
~~~~~
Matthew 25:35-40 (NRSVUE)
…I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did it to me.’
Simply Soul Searching 