Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
LINGERING IN CHRIST’S PERPETUITY
EASTER SUNDAY
April 20th
The past is the beginning of the beginning
and all that is and has been
is but the twilight of the dawn.
~ H. G. Wells
(Vocabulary.com defines the word perpetuity as “the property of lasting forever.” Today I share a post that was originally written for Easter Sunday, 2023. Happy Easter, dear reader friends!)
Drop at the foot of the cross…
every wound we have kept
every tear we have wept
every burden we have borne
every shackle we have worn.
Bury in the darkness of the tomb…
each grudge held so long
each doubt kept, though wrong
each resentment relished
each judgment embellished.
Wait in the silent stillness of night…
in watchful attention
in prayerful intention
in thoughtful exploration
in quiet expectation.
Rise in the dawn of a bright new day…
with bodies replenished to labor
with senses restored to savor
with minds renewed to ponder
with souls refreshed to wonder.
Emerge in the freedom of the rolled-away stone…
to walk in faith, not fear
to hold one another dear
to grow with open mind
to live a life that’s kind.
As Jesus has risen, so may our goodness, too. Easter blessings!
(Photo by Karen)
LONGING FOR GOD’S PASSION
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Good Friday, April 18th
So they took Jesus, and carrying the cross by himself he went out to what is called the Place of the Skull, which in Hebrew is called Golgotha. There they crucified him and with him two others, one on either side, with Jesus between them. ~ John 19:16b-18
Loving Jesus,
I am so very sorry.
I am sorry for the terrible suffering you endured as you slowly died amid the mocks and jeers.
I am so very guilty.
I am guilty because you continue to die in every person who is hurt by systems that unjustly oppress, deport, deny, ignore, impoverish, or condemn, and I have often remained silent.
I am so very humbled.
I am humbled because you chose to mercifully forgive us all, even in your agony.
I am so very grateful.
I am grateful for your life’s example of love, forgiveness, humility, generosity, simplicity, and compassion–and your steadfast integrity to remain that way even unto death.
I am so very hopeful.
I am hopeful because today I can see beyond the cross to a brighter day.
I am so very determined.
I am determined to live a little better today, to follow you more closely, to continue your work in the world.
Thank you for your passion, Jesus.
Please make it mine.
(Photo by Karen)
LONGING FOR GOD’S PROXIMITY
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Maundy Thursday, April 17th
And during supper Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands and that he had come from God and was going to God, got up from supper, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him. ~ John 13:2b-5
Then he took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” ~ Luke 22:19
PROXIMITY
(KLW, April 2025)
I long to have you close to me,
to feel your presence here,
but if you want to wash my feet
please do not come so near.
For I’d rather keep my distance
to hide away my flaws
and not to ask too much of you
especially because
I don’t want to be a burden
or considered unworthy
but to be your perfect servant
for all you’ve done for me.
But if this is true discipleship
then please show me the way
to bare my feet, my soul, my life,
today and every day.
~~~~~
I long to have you close to me
to feel your peace within
and when we break your holy bread
your presence enters in.
But you abide in more than bread,
you’re in community.
Yet I can easily forget
you’re in those here with me.
I often choose to be alone
when I am seeking you,
and in my solitude neglect
to serve your people, too.
But if this is true discipleship
then please show me the way
to share my heart, my soul, my life,
today and every day.
Bible passages are NRSVUE, found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
LONGING FOR GOD’S PROMISE
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Wednesday, April 16th
After saying this Jesus was troubled in spirit and declared, “Very truly, I tell you, one of you will betray me.” …“It is the one to whom I give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” So when he had dipped the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas son of Simon Iscariot… Jesus said to him, “Do quickly what you are going to do.” So, after receiving the piece of bread, he immediately went out. And it was night.
~ Excerpts from John 13
And it was night.
These four words at the end of this passage might seem trivial, but we understand their significance; they set the scene for what is to come. These next few days are dark ones. They are the most somber, thought-provoking, and inspiring days of Lent and Holy Week, as Jesus teaches, endures, suffers, and dies. We are relieved to know what happens after this–the tomb is found empty, and Jesus is alive! We know there is “a light at the end of the tunnel.” But getting through the darkness is a journey of heartache, humility, sorrow, guilt, helplessness, and despair.
Lately the tunnel seems awfully long and dark to me. I remain very grateful for the hope we share in Christ, to know there is light ahead, even if it is a glimmer in the distance.
As we walk through this dark tunnel of Holy Week, revisiting the stories of Jesus–washing the feet of his disciples and sharing a meal with them, praying and agonizing in the garden, enduring a mock trial, a terrible flogging, and a crown of thorns pushed onto his head, and finally, suffering his death on a cross–we grieve and question ourselves and our complicity. When we also include our own troubles and sadness, the tunnel can seem endless.
But what does Jesus do? Knowing his earthly end is near, Jesus continues to care for the needs of his disciples…
When (Judas) had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him. If God has been glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once.
~ John 13:31-21
Jesus is telling his disciples that there will be more to this story. The end will not be the end. Jesus will suffer and die, but he will soon be glorified, too. In later passages (John 14) Jesus goes on to promise that his presence will remain with them, and that they will do greater works than he. He assures them that there will be that light at the end of the tunnel.
This is our light, too. This is the reason we can keep walking, keep watching, keep hoping, keep helping one another through these dark yet holy days–and every dark yet holy day we face in life. The light of resurrection, the light of each new beginning, is always before us, to reveal and guide us on to brighter days.
Bible verses are NRSVUE, found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
(Photo by Karen)
LONGING FOR GOD’S PRUDENCE, DAY FIVE
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Tuesday, April 15th
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. ~ James 3:17-18
Isn’t this passage lovely? We will recognize wisdom by its fruits. Today I am thinking of a few examples of the wisdom found in what may appear to be foolishness–until we notice the fruits…
Years ago, our homeless friend, B, found a wallet as she was riding her bike–her only method of transportation–and she stopped by the church where I was serving. She was determined to return the wallet and money to its rightful owner and asked for our help to find him. Jim and I were so touched by her selfless concern for others, especially as we knew how much she could use any financial help for her basic daily needs.
Jim sometimes has an inner “nudge” to reach out to someone from his past, or someone he hasn’t heard from in a while. He might initially feel awkward as he explains the reason for his call, but he often learns that the person has been struggling in some way and appreciates his timely concern.
Then there are the stories of people who choose integrity over a successful career, or who speak the truth even at a personal risk; or the biblical stories of others like Abraham, who ventured into the wilderness with no real plan except to answer God’s call, or the poor widow who gave her mite–all that she had–to the offering plate, or Jesus, who chose to go to Jerusalem even as he knew what was to come.
We might question why they would do these things–until we observe the good and fruitful outcomes.
And some acts appear to be wise but may yield unhealthy or harmful fruits. Does this child really need another correction–or a word of affirmation? Will my partner benefit more from my opinion or from my silence? Is it important to share my knowledge right now, or to share my compassion?
As we seek God’s wisdom for our decisions and actions, perhaps we should honestly examine what we hope to achieve. Do we desire an end result that brings more goodness, more blessings? This passage from James can guide us, too. Are our discerning hearts pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield? Are we asking for the wisdom of God without personal bias or defensiveness or self-centeredness?
Life shows us that our best wisdom will not guarantee all good outcomes–except for the blessed fruit of imperfect but genuine discipleship. Sharing our life and our questions with God, we discover an inner peace that comes from trying to listen and follow in obedience; we find a joyful purpose that arises from longing to share every merciful and good fruit that God is able to provide; and we feel more of God’s love abiding with us in every discernment.
(Photo by Karen)
LONGING FOR GOD’S PRUDENCE, DAY FOUR
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Monday, April 14th
(These are a few related excerpts from my memoir; my journal entries written during Advent of 2015, when Jim and I were trying to discern our future plans after our serious medical issues. We needed much wisdom for the days ahead! In my morning journaling, I often asked God, “What would you have me know?” and wrote what I sensed God was telling me.)
God of discernment, what would you have me know today?
Seeker Karen,
Listen… Notice… Pray… These three practices from your Spiritual Foundations studies have deepened your faith and awareness of my active presence. Listen attentively to your life and pray about what you notice, especially as you discern your future and your writing plans…
~~~~~
Hope-filled Karen,
You and Jim are asking for guidance about your future; where, when, and what you will be doing. Listen to your hearts. Watch for my nudges and small indicators. Be courageous. Wherever you go, you can trust that my love will go with you. How might you serve me and others in new ways? Keep writing and listening…
…As you and Jim approach 2016, I know you are eager to leave this year behind. You are eager to live a new future, perhaps in a new way or place. And yet you have lingering fears for both of you. You worry at times about cancer returning or new heart issues forming. Trust that I love you. Let go of your fears, or give them to me. I will give you peace. I will give you all that you need. You and Jim are in my loving care. No matter what may come.
…I have new lessons for you in the birth of my Jesus. Consider how he came so small and humbly. Consider how he followed my way of love no matter what the risks were. Consider his life; how he loved and healed, how he cared for the poor and lowly. Let his life’s story shape your heart in a new way. You will learn and grow this year, this season. I am always bringing new gifts and new insights to you.
~~~~~
God of Light, what would you have me know today?
Beloved Karen,
As you keep growing stronger and feeling better, you have this timely opportunity to begin anew. The season of Advent is a new church year; 2016 will be a new calendar year; Jesus came to give you new life; your treatments are over, and you have a new, healthy body.
What other ways are you ready to begin anew? Do you need a new way of thinking in some area? Is it time for you and Jim to be in a new place? …In what new areas would you like to grow? Ponder these as you consider resolutions for the new year. I am here to make you a new creation.
Becoming new means letting go of the old. This is the time to release fears, hurts, resentments, old ways of thinking and viewing the world. Turn to me and leave that baggage behind. “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” (Isaiah 43:19, NIV).
~~~~~
Reader friends, as you seek wisdom and discernment for any decisions you are making, may you feel both God’s wisdom for your guidance–and God’s compassion for your missteps. We are in good hands.
(Personal note: When I scheduled this post, I found the date quite timely… ten years ago, I was meeting with my oncologist for the first time. I am so very grateful for these ten years of life and love! And the crèche pictured above was created by our dear friend, Alan Dietz, now in his heavenly home. His birthday falls on April 14th.)
LONGING FOR GOD’S PRUDENCE, DAY THREE
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Friday, April 11th
Wisdom is a Journey
(KLW, August, 2024)
Wisdom is a journey,
a passage through the years,
with lessons learned
and insights gained
through trials and toils and tears.
Wisdom is a posture,
an eagerness to see
with open mind
and open heart
each possibility.
Wisdom is a detour,
a new way we are led,
through change of heart,
a different choice,
a turning of the head.
Wisdom is a silence,
a patience to refrain
from hasty, hurtful,
hate-filled words,
maturity to gain.
Wisdom is a treasure
revealed along the way.
In listening well,
in seeking truth,
it deepens every day.
Wisdom is a partner
who shares each path we trod.
We walk in faith,
in hope, in trust…
and hold the hand of God.
(Photo by Karen)
LONGING FOR GOD’S PRUDENCE, DAY TWO
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Thursday, April 10th
After listening to lots of podcast interviews, I have noticed that interviewees often begin their reply with the words, “That’s a good question, thank you for asking!” I wonder if this comment gives them a little space to acknowledge the question and form a response. Instead of sitting in awkward silence to consider their words (leaving listeners to wonder if the guests are going to reply), this common phrase can be used as a way to pause and reflect for a moment. I hear and appreciate your question, and you will soon have my answer.
God generously provides us with many sources of wisdom: the life and teachings of Jesus; the Bible and other books; our prayers, journal writing, or observations; mentors, spiritual writers, and friends who share ideas; nature and its abundance of seasonal lessons. It seems that with all of these resources available, God welcomes our questions–and as Jesus tells us, “Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive.” ~ Matthew 21:22
When we come to God with a question or request (perhaps for wisdom today), we may find it helpful to envision God replying, “That’s a good question, thank you for asking.” Trusting that God hears our question, acknowledges it as good and valid, and even thanks us for asking, we can then pause to wait for the answer. This entrusts the timing to God. We can then prepare our “ears to hear” (Matthew 11:15) by remaining eager to listen, attentive to noticing, and patiently waiting for the answer that will come when the time is right.
My child, if you accept my words
and treasure up my commandments within you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding,
if you indeed cry out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures—
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk blamelessly,
guarding the paths of justice
and preserving the way of his faithful ones.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path,
for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
prudence will watch over you,
and understanding will guard you.
~ Proverbs 2:1-11
Bible verses are NRSVUE, found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
LONGING FOR GOD’S PRUDENCE (WISDOM), DAY ONE
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Wednesday, April 9th
I have another Lenten longing: the longing for the prudence, or wisdom, of God. In recent months, an expression that often comes to my mind is, “Make it make sense!” I am bewildered and frustrated by the current political and global situation, some of my own personal contemplation and confusion, and–even after almost 69 years–the unexpected, random events in life. I would love to sit down with my rabbi, Jesus, and ask him lots of questions!
Why do I long for prudence?
I long for the insight to make sense of my life and the world around me, to find a justifiable reason for the things I don’t understand, and in doing so, I hope to find peace.
I long for the certainty and confidence of making wise decisions and better choices in life, and in doing so, I hope to please God and to experience a life well-lived.
I long for the right discernment and truth for any words I write, for any guidance I may share, for the way I may live as Christ in the world, and in doing so, I hope to rightly bless (and not harm) any lives I touch.
How do I begin to find greater wisdom? I was surprised by this thought from author J. I. Packer:
Not until we have become humble and teachable, standing in awe of God’s holiness and sovereignty, acknowledging our own littleness, distrusting our own thoughts, and willing to have our minds turned upside down, can divine wisdom become ours.
Wisdom begins with our awareness of how little we know! God seems to be making this point rather clearly to me this week, as a recent email expanded on this idea. Christine Valters Paintner at The Abbey of the Arts writes:
Bringing the mind and heart of a beginner to our lives helps us to discover the wisdom inherent in each moment. When we let go of our desire to be clever or successful or create beautiful things we may begin to open to the sacred truth of our experience as it is, not how we want it to be. Wonder is at the heart of conversion, letting ourselves be moved by life, surprised by God, and open to the grace of the moment. *
If we were to rethink what we believe we know, to question our previous knowledge and insights, and to open our souls to new understanding (to “receive the kingdom of God as a little child,” as Jesus says to the crowd in Mark 10:15), how would God fill us today?
May I keep opening, humbling, and emptying, that I may more readily receive anything–even the insights that surprise and fluster–that God would have me know.
* Christine Valters Paintner, OblSB, PhD, REACE, https://abbeyofthearts.com/
Photo by Karen
LONGING FOR GOD’S PEACE, DAY FIVE
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Tuesday, April 8th
How might be become peacemakers for others who are longing for God’s peace? I immediately thought of the words of Jesus in the Beatitudes, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9). And when I read the rest of the passage, I noticed that the other verses describe ways we might become better peacemakers…
When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain, and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he began to speak and taught them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
“Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” ~ Matthew 5:1-12
Each time we are among the “blessed,” we can gain new experiences and understandings of God’s peace–and we can also glean new ways to serve as peacemakers. When we are wounded or in need (when we are humbled, persecuted, grieved, wounded, or longing for more), and find ourselves longing for a greater power beyond our own, we become more open and vulnerable to receive God’s peace and comfort.
And then as we later recall these times, remembering how God helped or carried us through them, our trust in God’s goodness deepens. We become the “blessed” again in new ways–as we become merciful, pure in heart, and yes, peacemakers. Our own experiences help us to understand and aid others who are hurting, who need kindness or forgiveness, who long for peace.
Every trial, every longing, every sadness, every act of kindness, and every judgment against us can shape us into God’s peacemakers. Turning to God for our peace, growing in faith through our experiences of peace, and learning to help others find peace, we are increasingly becoming “blessed” as peacemakers, children of God.
Bible verses are NRSVUE, found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
(Photo by Karen)
Simply Soul Searching 