(Week 10) Why Have I Been Struggling…?

In these last few weeks, the silences and struggles to connect with Jesus continued. I knew that I was to keep showing up, keep inviting, and keep waiting. But this morning, I had to ask Jesus, “Why have I been struggling to find a question to ask you?”

Karen, we have already talked about the struggle you have as a writer, with an agenda or purpose to your questions. You have learned how it is better to simply walk with me and wait on me; how you should enter our time together without expectation or agenda.

But here is another obstacle to our conversations. You are struggling with questions because you are afraid I may say something you do not wish to hear. You hesitate to be totally open, to be willing to surrender your life or your plans or your purposes as fully as possible in order to genuinely hear ME.

Following me is also to wait on me, to wait for me. You seem to be struggling with that in recent weeks. Perhaps this is because you are waiting for many things in these recent months. But I am still here in the waiting time. I am always teaching you, humbling you, increasing your patience, helping you listen, and crafting you quietly. When you are feeling frustrated by the waiting you must trust that I am still working.

If you truly want to hear the words and messages that are of me, you will be willing to surrender even good things. You will let go of your goals… your desire to write something beautiful… your longing to bless your readers. And you will simply trust that the words will come in their proper time. You will allow for the silences and moments where nothing seems to be happening. For I am also in the mundane, in the frustration, in the seemingly purposeless moments. Can you sense that I never wane?

My spirit is alive in you. If you truly trust me, you will know that all things are speaking and teaching. You do not even need to seek for I will come to you.

The seeds of inspiration are given by God. We cannot rush their sprouting and growing. We are called to simply nurture the seeds and trust the Giver. I believe I am being invited to wait and nurture for now, so this will be the last of the “Can I Ask You Something?” series. Thank you dear readers, I hope you were blessed!