Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
1. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: EMPTY
ASH WEDNESDAY
Wednesday, February 14th
(These Lenten reflections are inspired by a quote from Joshua Long on an Artists for Joy podcast, “I am called to follow Jesus, not for the sake of helping others believe like me, but to help me be the best version of myself for the world.” *)
Read Matthew 4:1-11 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
Shortly after he was baptized, Jesus went into the wilderness for a time of solitude, barrenness, and fasting, most likely as preparation for his life of challenging servanthood and radical love. After many days of deprivation, he was tempted with food for his hunger, comfort for his tribulation, and power for his emptiness. With each temptation, Jesus cited Scripture passages to affirm what he truly needed–what is essential for life–as he relied on God’s strength and guidance to remain steadfast.
to be the best version of myself…
On Ash Wednesday, we are mindful of the seasons and cycles of life and death, as we hear the words, “You are dust, and to dust you shall return” (Genesis 3:19). We enter the season of Lent as a time of emptying, humbling, and dying to ourselves, that we may be filled with love and transformed with new life—as Jesus was on that sacred morning we now call Easter. Our Lenten journey is a time to follow the ways of Jesus and deepen in love for the world.
This season, I sense that my wilderness time is to withdraw and empty myself of my hunger for affirmation or recognition, my comfort found in personal security, and my desire for power to control outcomes. I hope to be more mindful of the times when I am not fully trusting in God’s faithfulness, goodness, and provision. Knowing I will not be perfect in this emptying season, I hope to at least open space for more of God’s perfect work in me.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
May I enter this Lenten season with eagerness and expectation, because yes, I am only a work in progress—but I am your work in progress, as every one of us is. Your Love comes to us freely, graciously, without our merit, and I am grateful. Please help me to empty myself of all that is not of you–and let you fill me with all that is. Thank you, God.
As we reflect together, as we expand in love this Lenten season, may we each joyfully wonder,
“What new thing is God going to work in me—for the good of the world?”
(Our passage for Sunday will be Matthew 6:25-34. Reflections will then continue each Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday through Lent.)
* This podcast may be found at https://artistsforjoy.org/
Photo by Karen
~~~~~
(Matthew 4:1-11 NRSVUE)
Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tested by the devil. He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterward he was famished. The tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written,
‘One does not live by bread alone,
but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written,
‘He will command his angels concerning you,’
and ‘On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory, and he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! for it is written,
‘Worship the Lord your God,
and serve only him.’”
Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.
LENT: THE BEST OF OURSELVES
INTRODUCTION
Along with Valentine’s Day, this Wednesday will be Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent–a time for us to grow in faith and deepen in love for Jesus–as we await the celebration of his resurrection on Easter morning. For this season, my Lenten reflections have been inspired by Joshua Long on an Artists for Joy podcast with Merideth Hite Estevez (March 2023). His personal artist’s oath includes a statement that deeply resonated with me:
“I am called to follow Jesus, not for the sake of helping others believe like me, but to help me be the best version of myself for the world.” *
I will revisit and reflect on the life and teachings of Jesus—with the hope that I can keep evolving into “the best version of myself for the world.” Though I will be writing each reflection for my own spiritual discernment and growth, I would love to learn if you glean a different lesson or insight from the passages we will read—the stories and teachings of Jesus that inspire us to live in love. I hope that you will find this time of Lenten contemplation and community a gift for your spirit.
Our passage for Ash Wednesday will be Matthew 4:1-11.
(Reflections will begin on Ash Wednesday, then every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday through Lent.)
*This podcast may be found at https://artistsforjoy.org/
Photo by Karen
LOVE, HONOR–AND SILENCE
As this January month of Light draws to a close–and my candles have burned low–I am changing our home altar to the theme of Love. February seems a proper month to focus on Love, as it includes Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent (also February 14th). Valentine’s Day is a special time to show our loved ones how much they mean to us; Lent is a season to reflect on the life and love of Jesus, and in turn, how we should love one another.
I was setting out the Valentine decorations when I recalled a time when a coworker had received a beautiful bouquet of roses from her husband. I had complimented her on the flowers and commended his thoughtfulness–to which she tersely replied, “Well, he’d better be thoughtful!” Though I’m not certain if this was her ongoing expectation or an unusual reaction to a bad incident, I felt sad that her husband’s attempt to please only seemed to displease her. And even as he would never know what was said, her words could have diminished my regard for him–and for her as well.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)
Loving one another includes honoring one another, too.
Sometimes the best way for us to love and honor others is with our silence.
As I focus on Love this month–in my personal relationships, with the people in my community, and even in my interactions on social media–I hope to be mindful of the moments in which silence may be the better way to honor and love others.
I can honor others by choosing…
~to speak words that are kind, helpful, encouraging, or thoughtful, and to silence words that are not.
~to privately work to resolve troubles, not just to publicly lament them.
~to defend and uphold all whom I can, but to refrain from disparaging those I cannot.
~to graciously address issues that merit consideration, and to quietly release petty concerns.
~to direct conversations away from gossip, and to keep from being its source.
For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven… a time to keep silent and a time to speak. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,7b)
May I keep this question ever before me, not only this month but always:
“What is Love asking of me in this moment–to speak or to remain silent?”
(During these next few weeks, I will be working on Lenten reflections, so I will pause my regular posts until Sunday, February 11th. I hope to “see” you then! In the meantime, God bless and keep you!)
Bible verse is NRSVUE found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
MAY YOU BE WELL
A bittersweet memory returned to me during my walk this morning. Years ago, I was facing days of heartache and uncertainty, days of personal trial in which there were no clear answers or easy solutions. As the rest of my family slept upstairs, I lay awake on the floor of our family room, listening to Christmas music through my headphones.
A young voice began to sweetly and softly sing,
“All is well, all is well,
Angels and men rejoice
For tonight darkness fell
Into the dawn of love’s light…”
The music continued to crescendo until a full chorus rang out, “All is well… lift up your voice and sing.” And I wept with tears of peace, hope, and even a bit of joy. For even as the days were so difficult and our future was uncertain, the song served to remind me that my family and I would not be alone. Love’s Light had come to guide and accompany us through that time–and on through all of life.
As I revisited this memory of long ago, a new thought came to me. The voices singing that glorious chorus were not immune from trials, sadness, grief, or hardship. I am certain they also had endured trying times or difficult seasons, and yet, they could beautifully proclaim, “All is well,” in love, faith, and gratitude. Whatever their life circumstances were, they sang out together, and in doing so, encouraged and comforted me.
I continued to walk on, listening to the next episode of a favorite podcast. In “Musical Meditation: Loving Kindness,” the gracious podcast host shared a simple wish for us:
“May you be well.”
Her words seemed to be another surprising revelation of God’s prompting presence, so I sensed that I was meant to share this message–especially for someone reading here…
May you be well. May you hold to the hope that once-wounded voices will still unite in choruses of peace and joy. May you trust that one day you too, will join in a glorious anthem… you might even be the solitary voice that begins a song of hope for one who languishes in silence. May you always know that Love’s Light is with you, lighting and guiding your way.
May you be blessed today… and may you be well.
The podcast can be found at Artists for Joy, with Merideth Hite Estevez, October 27th, 2023.
The song is from Christmas, by Michael W. Smith (and other sources).
Photo by Karen.
WIN OR LOSE
“We played her new board game, and she became upset that I don’t play by Grammy’s rules–in which she apparently always wins.”
This was the text I received from my daughter this weekend–one that made this Grammy laugh. Yes, I confessed, it was true. My five-year-old granddaughter had legitimately won the first two games of Candy Land, but the third one… well, I may have allowed a few extra turns and forgotten one of mine. I can receive some good-natured teasing from my family about being a soft touch with our grandchildren; we all find the humor in my quest to be Fun Grammy.
I then considered other ways I could lovingly handle the winning or losing. I could talk about my joy in seeing her win–with or without my help. I could allow her to lose, but also gently comfort her, suggest we try again, or turn the loss into a teachable moment.
But even as I can easily keep her and our other grandchildren from Candy Land heartache, I know they will experience greater disappointments, trials, and losses in life. My hope is that they will always remember that I–along with those who love them–will be ready to help, comfort, teach, or encourage them through any hardship they may encounter.
My hope is that they will always remember how much they are loved.
God loves us even more than this. Through every trial and challenge in life, God will help, comfort, teach, encourage, and restore us, doing what only God can do to bring about greater joy and happiness.
God’s hope is that we will always remember how much we are loved.
What is “winning” in this life, really? Is it being victorious over others, succeeding in our efforts, avoiding any pain or sorrow?
Winning is the sheer joy of trusting that whatever life brings, we are not alone, we are being held, we are being helped, and we are beloved… the sheer joy of seeing or helping others succeed… the sheer joy of perceiving that this life holds a beautiful and sacred mystery, and our trials are not the end of the story.
It is the sheer joy of knowing that Love wins–over everything.
Photo by Karen
LIGHT FOR THE DARKNESS
With CHERISH as my guiding word for 2024, I plan to create monthly themes that will help set apart and celebrate each month. I designated January as my month of Light–inspired by my sister, who chose light as her word for the year. Now that the winter solstice has passed, our daylight hours are increasing; but while we wait, I have added additional candlelight to our home altar. This small ritual helps me to appreciate these cold, dark January days. The soft scent of warm wax, the gentle glow of each candle, and the gray winter skies foster a sense of comfort, quietude, and refuge.
Despite this light theme, last night I was awake in the darkness for several hours. It seemed as if my soul was trying to dredge up every worry, sadness, mistake, and regret I have had in recent weeks (and a few from long ago). I don’t believe this was a “dark night of the soul” as John of the Cross once experienced, but oh my, the shadows were numerous and clingy throughout the long night. I was quite relieved when morning came.
So now I am reflecting on this quote by Anne Frank:
Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness.
In these times of shadows and nighttime angst, the light of God’s love, like the candle, can both defy and define this darkness in my soul. Maybe God can work more readily in me when I am unable to distract myself or ignore the discomfort. While I am lying still the quiet darkness, the Light of Love can define–illumine, expose, and clarify–these parts of my shadow side that can be deeply hidden or pushed away as I busy myself throughout the day. God’s defining Light of Love has much to reveal and teach me.
The Light of Love then helps defy the darkness. As the hours moved toward dawn, I felt this Light beginning to renew hope, provide peace, offer renewal, grant forgiveness, and inspire my faithfulness. And with the new day, I found that a few happier memories, certain messages on social media, and my daylight contemplations were, I am certain, God’s defiant Light of Love clearing–or at least softening–the shadows for me.
The next time the shadows return, I will remember that the Light of Love remains with me–and will once again rise up to define and defy the darkness until the daybreak comes.
If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. ~Rumi
Photo by Karen
HE MATTERS
(Photo by Toby Osborn on Unsplash)
While out walking last summer, I came upon a young man obviously in a heated exchange with some family members. As I circled the neighborhood, I first witnessed him pleading with an older woman through the open window of her car, then running after her as she drove away. The woman soon returned, more words were exchanged, and some younger women (sisters?) entered the argument. I went on with my walk, but once I headed for home, I found the young man coming toward me–looking down, hiding his face.
“Are you okay?” I asked. He looked up, and I saw his tears…
“Ma’am, I try so hard to be respectful, to do what is right.” That’s when I noticed his hands were bloodied, as if clawed by someone’s fingernails. He was so earnest, so helpless, that I said I believed he was doing his best and I was sorry for what had happened. I put my hand on my heart and ended with, “God bless you.”
“Thank you, Ma’am.”
Last week, I was surprised to find several police cars in front of his home and four officers talking with another man on the lawn. I began to reverse my direction, but then I saw my young friend on the porch–turning away with his head down–so I walked closer and called out again, “Are you okay, Honey?”
He turned back, looked up, gave me a weak smile and quietly said, “Oh I remember you! Yeah… I will be okay. I just need to figure out my life. Will you please pray for me?” I put my hand on my heart again and assured him, “Yes I will–what’s your first name?” He told me, then…
“Thank you, Ma’am.”
Resuming my walk, I rounded the corner and encountered another man watching the scene. “Don’t feel sorry for him, he’s a piece of s—,” he admonished. I looked at him intently and replied, “I DO feel sorry for him,” as I walked on. And I do.
I don’t know his full story, but from what I have witnessed, I know that life isn’t easy for this young man. And I know that no matter what he has done, he has value and worth and is beloved of God. Now in our morning prayers, Jim and I ask God to watch over him, to give him comfort, wisdom, and peace. I hope that in those moments of care and concern, of asking and listening, of regarding him as precious and dear, he will know he matters to me, and– most of all–he matters to God.
No matter what.
PRECISELY PINPOINTED
Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
Psalm 139:7
Though I may feel lost
you have me pinpointed
at the precise location
of your infinite time
and space
and vision
and presence.
Though I may feel insignificant
you know the exact measure of
the breadth of my thoughts
the depth of my heart
the center of my soul.
Though I may feel adrift
you know the perfect space
I hold in eternity;
the origins of my being
the places I have roamed
the paths I have explored
the distance that remains.
Though I may feel finite
you know the boundless possibility in
my next breath
my next thought
my next step
my next moment.
You see me
know me
guide me
understand me
love me.
You are
where I am
how I am
when I am…
why I am.
Bible verse is NRSVUE, found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Image of location pin courtesy of https://www.pixelsquid.com/
MOMENTARY, MEANINGFUL COMMUNITY
Jim and I spent a day at the Cleveland Clinic this week, where Jim had scans and met with physicians to determine if he had any serious heart issues. We are now relieved and grateful to know that he does not need heart surgery! There will be some additional monitoring and follow-up tests, but most of what we learned was reassuring and hopeful.
On the morning shuttle from our hotel to the clinic that day, we talked with a gentleman from Pennsylvania who was going to sit with his (sedated) wife as she continues to recover from major heart surgery. He described her long journey and his gratitude for the staff at the CC. We were gifted by his words, as we were wondering what might be ahead for us. He seemed to be comforted as we listened to his story, too.
When Jim and I were ready to return to the hotel later that afternoon, we began chatting with three women who were also waiting for the shuttle. The older woman was going to have heart surgery the next day, and her two daughters had accompanied her from Texas. But just as the van pulled up, the mother learned she had to return to the pharmacy, so she told her daughters she would find another way back to the hotel.
The rest of us boarded the van, and Jim and I were happily surprised to find our morning friend on the same shuttle. He shared his wife’s progress and we let him know our good news. Then, the daughters received a call that their mother was just leaving the pharmacy–so we all assured the shuttle driver that we would gladly wait for her. Eventually our new little community was on our way to the hotel, and as we rode along, we discovered that this mother was to have the same surgery as the man’s wife! The assurance and information he offered was so helpful for her and her family.
The shuttle pulled up to the hotel entrance and I asked the woman if we could pray for her. She was deeply touched and delighted to share her name. I then turned to ask the gentleman about praying for his wife, and smiling, he replied, “Sure!” and did the same. We told the group that Jim is a pastor, and we all chuckled about having a “direct line of prayer.” I suddenly felt overwhelmed with peace, gratitude, and love. It seemed as if we were meant to be together for that short time, for each of us benefited and blessed one another in small but remarkable ways.
Could every moment, every person, be a threshold to a sacred experience of community? Perhaps every connection may not be divinely orchestrated, but each one offers us the opportunity to recognize that God is present–in this person, in this moment, and in us–and to open ourselves to that presence. Six strangers drawn together in a time of vulnerability became caring, compassionate friends in a matter of minutes.
Some of our most meaningful communities are not determined by length of time or number of people, but from our awareness that we are standing together in a sacred moment of solidarity and love.
(Photo by Karen)
MY GUIDING WORD FOR 2024
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As a new calendar opens, so do my hopes to live the year well. You may have heard of the practice of prayerfully choosing a word* each year to guide and inspire our ways of living and being. I began doing this in 2015, and I have found that the word not only helps my focus and discernment throughout the year, but it also often surprises me as the year ends, when I reflect and discover how much the choice influenced my life.
This time, my discernment took me through two other words before I discovered the right one for 2024: Cherish.
After my ovarian cancer (eight years ago!) and with my increased age (67), I sense the fragility and fleetingness of life. I also have a tendency to want to somehow justify my presence here, to merit these bonus days I have been given–so I sought a word that would guide me to make each day worthwhile, to never waste a moment. First, I chose Prepare, intending to organize my schedule for maximum productivity. Then I went to Steward, to include mindful gratitude as I manage my days as gifts from God.
But during my morning journaling last week, I suddenly sensed God asking me to wait and listen. And as I walked later that day, the word, Cherish came to mind. I looked up its meaning and my word was confirmed! Merriam-Webster defines “cherish” as: to hold dear; to feel or show affection for; to keep or cultivate with care and affection; nurture; to entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely.
“Cherish” encompasses everything I had intended with my other words but changes my perspective. Cherish reminds me that I need not try to merit my bonus days or make them worthy through productivity; I can cherish each day for what it holds, not for what I can wring from it. The day itself is valuable as a gift from God with its lessons, blessings, and experiences that teach, enhance, or perfect my life.
This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24
The meanings, to hold dear will serve to remind me of the preciousness of each day and to use care and affection in managing my life choices. I want to savor my ordinary days and to regard them as holy, to harbor (them) in my soul deeply and resolutely. With God’s help, I will deeply cherish my days and their precious gifts: God, Jim, our family and friends, my body, my spirit, the earth–and you, dear readers–and to fill them with goodness and love.
The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it. ~ Richard Bach
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every moment of light and dark is a miracle. ~ Walt Whitman
Live quietly in the moment and see the beauty of all before you. The future will take care of itself.
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
Do you have a word for 2024?
*I began this practice of choosing a guiding word from Abbey of the Arts (https://abbeyofthearts.com/). You may appreciate their podcasts and other excellent resources!
Bible verse is NRSVUE, found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
Simply Soul Searching 