Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
4. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: PAUSE
Thursday, February 22nd
Read John 8:2-11 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
The Pharisees bring a woman who had been caught in adultery to Jesus, asking what he has to say about her punishment according to the law. Before he responds, Jesus stops to write on the ground. He then does this again after saying, “Let anyone… who is without sin be the first to throw a stone…” Each time he pauses, he seems to be allowing space–first to consider his words, and then to see how the Pharisees react. One might expect Jesus to harshly judge the woman for breaking the law and the Pharisees for trying to disgrace and perhaps even kill her. Instead, he responds with compassion, mercy, and justice for everyone. His silent pauses may have been times in which he sought God’s guidance for his next step.
to be the best version of myself…
There are a variety of spiritual disciplines that can help us deepen in faith and love, practice humility and obedience, and be mindful of the sacrificial life of Jesus. This passage prompts me to consider the simple act of pausing throughout the day as a transforming discipline. As I seek to “become the best version of myself for the world”, I could include more pauses within my day to mindfully seek and allow God’s guiding presence. Even when my day is busy, I can find in-between moments for prayer, silence, distance, space, or breath; moments to pause and let God guide my intentions, temper my reactions, illumine my shortcomings, and reveal God’s goodness to me.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Help me to pause throughout my day…
to weigh and consider my best response,
to refrain from reacting or judging,
to notice the needs of others,
to give you space to guide and inspire,
to observe your presence and work in my life,
and always to pray and praise you.
Our reading for Sunday (25th) is Matthew 15:29-31.
(Photo by Karen. This photo of a cairn inspires me to take my stones of judgment and place them as an altar of blessing.)
~~~~~
(John 8:2-11 NRSVUE)
Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and began to teach them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and, making her stand before all of them, they said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They said this to test him, so that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once again he bent down and wrote on the ground. When they heard it, they went away, one by one, beginning with the elders, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, sir.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.”
3. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: WANT
Tuesday, February 20th
Read Mark 10:46-52 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
Of all the healing stories, I especially love the ones in which Jesus restores sight to a blind person. The idea of seeing lends itself to contemplative “seeing” and our longing to discern what God may be revealing to us. In this story, Jesus notices Bartimaeus, stops amid the crowd, and has the blind man come to him. “What do you want me to do for you?” he asks. Bartimaeus asks Jesus to let him see again, and he immediately regains his sight.
to be the best version of myself…
When I envision Jesus asking me, “What do you want?” my initial reaction is to respond, “I want to do your will.” But today I realize that my response is vague, generic, and in a way, safe. Yes, “to do your will” does help open myself to God’s guidance; Jesus has instructed us to pray, “Your will be done.” But in this Lenten time of reflection, “What do you want?” can be an invitation to more fully consider the deepest desires of my heart–all gifts from God–and to discern how these might align with what God wants, for me and for the world. The question invites me to be more courageous in doing the will of God, instead of merely trying to avoid sin.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
What would YOU want me to see? Please open my eyes and heart; reveal where your will and my hopes, desires, and even frustrations can come together in loving service. Show me the ways that my wants align with yours, the ways we might team together to make good differences in the world. Guide me to truly see. I want to live and serve in new ways–if these ways are your ways, too.
Our reading for Thursday (the 22nd) is John 8:2-11.
(Photo by Karen, searching the heavens.)
~~~~~
(Mark 10:46-52 NRSVUE)
They came to Jericho. As he and his disciples and a large crowd were leaving Jericho, Bartimaeus son of Timaeus, a blind beggar, was sitting by the roadside. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Many sternly ordered him to be quiet, but he cried out even more loudly, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” Jesus stood still and said, “Call him here.” And they called the blind man, saying to him, “Take heart; get up, he is calling you.” So throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. Then Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?” The blind man said to him, “My teacher, let me see again.” Jesus said to him, “Go; your faith has made you well.” Immediately he regained his sight and followed him on the way.
2. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: TRUST
Sunday, February 18th
Read Matthew 6:25-34 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
This beautiful passage is part of the Sermon on the Mount, in which Jesus teaches the people–and us–a new way of living, being, and understanding: his way of Love. Following this way of Love will not lead us to earthly riches, power, or ease, and will be challenging or difficult at times. Yet, Jesus assures us that we need not worry. What makes his assurance especially genuine is that Jesus isn’t speaking from a comfortable place of safety and security. Facing a life of hardship, pain, ridicule, suffering, and death, Jesus still trusts in God’s good care and compassion; he trusts in every present and eternal gift of God’s kingdom.
to be the best version of myself…
When I began contemplating this passage, I turned to one of my favorite authors and read…
Faith for Jesus is the opposite of anxiety. If you are anxious, if you are trying to control everything, if you are worried about many things… you do not trust that God is on your side. The giveaway is control… God is more for you than you are for yourself. And all you can do is be open.1
There it was… One of my hopes for Lent is to withdraw from my desire to control outcomes. I immediately sensed that I had been guided to reread these words, “if you are trying to control everything… you do not trust that God is on your side.” When I have trouble trusting in God’s Infinite Love, I know I am basing my fears, or judging my circumstances, from my limited human perspective.
God is more for you than you are for yourself.
This is an incredible assurance! When I cling to such timely and reassuring words as these, I can find peace, hope, patience, and joy. God is for me. Always.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Deepen my trust in your perfect love this Lenten season, that I may be free from the worry that hinders my generosity, fosters my insecurity, and keeps me from living fully in joy and love. Guide me to say or do each next right thing and leave the outcome in your care. When my words or actions are shunned, ridiculed, ineffective, or futile, help me to keep following Jesus; to serve without reward, share without return, and live without fear.
For you are with me and for me. Always.
Our reading for Tuesday, the 20th is Mark 10:46-52.
1Rohr, Richard and Feister, John. Jesus’ Plan for a New World: The Sermon on the Mount. St. Anthony Messenger Press, 1996.
Photo by Karen, sunrise on a quiet path.
~~~~~
(Matthew 6:25-34, NRSVUE)
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the gentiles who seek all these things, and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
1. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: EMPTY
ASH WEDNESDAY
Wednesday, February 14th
(These Lenten reflections are inspired by a quote from Joshua Long on an Artists for Joy podcast, “I am called to follow Jesus, not for the sake of helping others believe like me, but to help me be the best version of myself for the world.” *)
Read Matthew 4:1-11 (copied below).
Follow Jesus…
Shortly after he was baptized, Jesus went into the wilderness for a time of solitude, barrenness, and fasting, most likely as preparation for his life of challenging servanthood and radical love. After many days of deprivation, he was tempted with food for his hunger, comfort for his tribulation, and power for his emptiness. With each temptation, Jesus cited Scripture passages to affirm what he truly needed–what is essential for life–as he relied on God’s strength and guidance to remain steadfast.
to be the best version of myself…
On Ash Wednesday, we are mindful of the seasons and cycles of life and death, as we hear the words, “You are dust, and to dust you shall return” (Genesis 3:19). We enter the season of Lent as a time of emptying, humbling, and dying to ourselves, that we may be filled with love and transformed with new life—as Jesus was on that sacred morning we now call Easter. Our Lenten journey is a time to follow the ways of Jesus and deepen in love for the world.
This season, I sense that my wilderness time is to withdraw and empty myself of my hunger for affirmation or recognition, my comfort found in personal security, and my desire for power to control outcomes. I hope to be more mindful of the times when I am not fully trusting in God’s faithfulness, goodness, and provision. Knowing I will not be perfect in this emptying season, I hope to at least open space for more of God’s perfect work in me.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
May I enter this Lenten season with eagerness and expectation, because yes, I am only a work in progress—but I am your work in progress, as every one of us is. Your Love comes to us freely, graciously, without our merit, and I am grateful. Please help me to empty myself of all that is not of you–and let you fill me with all that is. Thank you, God.
As we reflect together, as we expand in love this Lenten season, may we each joyfully wonder,
“What new thing is God going to work in me—for the good of the world?”
(Our passage for Sunday will be Matthew 6:25-34. Reflections will then continue each Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday through Lent.)
* This podcast may be found at https://artistsforjoy.org/
Photo by Karen
~~~~~
(Matthew 4:1-11 NRSVUE)
Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tested by the devil. He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterward he was famished. The tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written,
‘One does not live by bread alone,
but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written,
‘He will command his angels concerning you,’
and ‘On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory, and he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! for it is written,
‘Worship the Lord your God,
and serve only him.’”
Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.
LENT: THE BEST OF OURSELVES
INTRODUCTION
Along with Valentine’s Day, this Wednesday will be Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent–a time for us to grow in faith and deepen in love for Jesus–as we await the celebration of his resurrection on Easter morning. For this season, my Lenten reflections have been inspired by Joshua Long on an Artists for Joy podcast with Merideth Hite Estevez (March 2023). His personal artist’s oath includes a statement that deeply resonated with me:
“I am called to follow Jesus, not for the sake of helping others believe like me, but to help me be the best version of myself for the world.” *
I will revisit and reflect on the life and teachings of Jesus—with the hope that I can keep evolving into “the best version of myself for the world.” Though I will be writing each reflection for my own spiritual discernment and growth, I would love to learn if you glean a different lesson or insight from the passages we will read—the stories and teachings of Jesus that inspire us to live in love. I hope that you will find this time of Lenten contemplation and community a gift for your spirit.
Our passage for Ash Wednesday will be Matthew 4:1-11.
(Reflections will begin on Ash Wednesday, then every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday through Lent.)
*This podcast may be found at https://artistsforjoy.org/
Photo by Karen
LOVE, HONOR–AND SILENCE
As this January month of Light draws to a close–and my candles have burned low–I am changing our home altar to the theme of Love. February seems a proper month to focus on Love, as it includes Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent (also February 14th). Valentine’s Day is a special time to show our loved ones how much they mean to us; Lent is a season to reflect on the life and love of Jesus, and in turn, how we should love one another.
I was setting out the Valentine decorations when I recalled a time when a coworker had received a beautiful bouquet of roses from her husband. I had complimented her on the flowers and commended his thoughtfulness–to which she tersely replied, “Well, he’d better be thoughtful!” Though I’m not certain if this was her ongoing expectation or an unusual reaction to a bad incident, I felt sad that her husband’s attempt to please only seemed to displease her. And even as he would never know what was said, her words could have diminished my regard for him–and for her as well.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)
Loving one another includes honoring one another, too.
Sometimes the best way for us to love and honor others is with our silence.
As I focus on Love this month–in my personal relationships, with the people in my community, and even in my interactions on social media–I hope to be mindful of the moments in which silence may be the better way to honor and love others.
I can honor others by choosing…
~to speak words that are kind, helpful, encouraging, or thoughtful, and to silence words that are not.
~to privately work to resolve troubles, not just to publicly lament them.
~to defend and uphold all whom I can, but to refrain from disparaging those I cannot.
~to graciously address issues that merit consideration, and to quietly release petty concerns.
~to direct conversations away from gossip, and to keep from being its source.
For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven… a time to keep silent and a time to speak. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,7b)
May I keep this question ever before me, not only this month but always:
“What is Love asking of me in this moment–to speak or to remain silent?”
(During these next few weeks, I will be working on Lenten reflections, so I will pause my regular posts until Sunday, February 11th. I hope to “see” you then! In the meantime, God bless and keep you!)
Bible verse is NRSVUE found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
MAY YOU BE WELL
A bittersweet memory returned to me during my walk this morning. Years ago, I was facing days of heartache and uncertainty, days of personal trial in which there were no clear answers or easy solutions. As the rest of my family slept upstairs, I lay awake on the floor of our family room, listening to Christmas music through my headphones.
A young voice began to sweetly and softly sing,
“All is well, all is well,
Angels and men rejoice
For tonight darkness fell
Into the dawn of love’s light…”
The music continued to crescendo until a full chorus rang out, “All is well… lift up your voice and sing.” And I wept with tears of peace, hope, and even a bit of joy. For even as the days were so difficult and our future was uncertain, the song served to remind me that my family and I would not be alone. Love’s Light had come to guide and accompany us through that time–and on through all of life.
As I revisited this memory of long ago, a new thought came to me. The voices singing that glorious chorus were not immune from trials, sadness, grief, or hardship. I am certain they also had endured trying times or difficult seasons, and yet, they could beautifully proclaim, “All is well,” in love, faith, and gratitude. Whatever their life circumstances were, they sang out together, and in doing so, encouraged and comforted me.
I continued to walk on, listening to the next episode of a favorite podcast. In “Musical Meditation: Loving Kindness,” the gracious podcast host shared a simple wish for us:
“May you be well.”
Her words seemed to be another surprising revelation of God’s prompting presence, so I sensed that I was meant to share this message–especially for someone reading here…
May you be well. May you hold to the hope that once-wounded voices will still unite in choruses of peace and joy. May you trust that one day you too, will join in a glorious anthem… you might even be the solitary voice that begins a song of hope for one who languishes in silence. May you always know that Love’s Light is with you, lighting and guiding your way.
May you be blessed today… and may you be well.
The podcast can be found at Artists for Joy, with Merideth Hite Estevez, October 27th, 2023.
The song is from Christmas, by Michael W. Smith (and other sources).
Photo by Karen.
WIN OR LOSE
“We played her new board game, and she became upset that I don’t play by Grammy’s rules–in which she apparently always wins.”
This was the text I received from my daughter this weekend–one that made this Grammy laugh. Yes, I confessed, it was true. My five-year-old granddaughter had legitimately won the first two games of Candy Land, but the third one… well, I may have allowed a few extra turns and forgotten one of mine. I can receive some good-natured teasing from my family about being a soft touch with our grandchildren; we all find the humor in my quest to be Fun Grammy.
I then considered other ways I could lovingly handle the winning or losing. I could talk about my joy in seeing her win–with or without my help. I could allow her to lose, but also gently comfort her, suggest we try again, or turn the loss into a teachable moment.
But even as I can easily keep her and our other grandchildren from Candy Land heartache, I know they will experience greater disappointments, trials, and losses in life. My hope is that they will always remember that I–along with those who love them–will be ready to help, comfort, teach, or encourage them through any hardship they may encounter.
My hope is that they will always remember how much they are loved.
God loves us even more than this. Through every trial and challenge in life, God will help, comfort, teach, encourage, and restore us, doing what only God can do to bring about greater joy and happiness.
God’s hope is that we will always remember how much we are loved.
What is “winning” in this life, really? Is it being victorious over others, succeeding in our efforts, avoiding any pain or sorrow?
Winning is the sheer joy of trusting that whatever life brings, we are not alone, we are being held, we are being helped, and we are beloved… the sheer joy of seeing or helping others succeed… the sheer joy of perceiving that this life holds a beautiful and sacred mystery, and our trials are not the end of the story.
It is the sheer joy of knowing that Love wins–over everything.
Photo by Karen
LIGHT FOR THE DARKNESS
With CHERISH as my guiding word for 2024, I plan to create monthly themes that will help set apart and celebrate each month. I designated January as my month of Light–inspired by my sister, who chose light as her word for the year. Now that the winter solstice has passed, our daylight hours are increasing; but while we wait, I have added additional candlelight to our home altar. This small ritual helps me to appreciate these cold, dark January days. The soft scent of warm wax, the gentle glow of each candle, and the gray winter skies foster a sense of comfort, quietude, and refuge.
Despite this light theme, last night I was awake in the darkness for several hours. It seemed as if my soul was trying to dredge up every worry, sadness, mistake, and regret I have had in recent weeks (and a few from long ago). I don’t believe this was a “dark night of the soul” as John of the Cross once experienced, but oh my, the shadows were numerous and clingy throughout the long night. I was quite relieved when morning came.
So now I am reflecting on this quote by Anne Frank:
Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness.
In these times of shadows and nighttime angst, the light of God’s love, like the candle, can both defy and define this darkness in my soul. Maybe God can work more readily in me when I am unable to distract myself or ignore the discomfort. While I am lying still the quiet darkness, the Light of Love can define–illumine, expose, and clarify–these parts of my shadow side that can be deeply hidden or pushed away as I busy myself throughout the day. God’s defining Light of Love has much to reveal and teach me.
The Light of Love then helps defy the darkness. As the hours moved toward dawn, I felt this Light beginning to renew hope, provide peace, offer renewal, grant forgiveness, and inspire my faithfulness. And with the new day, I found that a few happier memories, certain messages on social media, and my daylight contemplations were, I am certain, God’s defiant Light of Love clearing–or at least softening–the shadows for me.
The next time the shadows return, I will remember that the Light of Love remains with me–and will once again rise up to define and defy the darkness until the daybreak comes.
If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. ~Rumi
Photo by Karen
HE MATTERS
(Photo by Toby Osborn on Unsplash)
While out walking last summer, I came upon a young man obviously in a heated exchange with some family members. As I circled the neighborhood, I first witnessed him pleading with an older woman through the open window of her car, then running after her as she drove away. The woman soon returned, more words were exchanged, and some younger women (sisters?) entered the argument. I went on with my walk, but once I headed for home, I found the young man coming toward me–looking down, hiding his face.
“Are you okay?” I asked. He looked up, and I saw his tears…
“Ma’am, I try so hard to be respectful, to do what is right.” That’s when I noticed his hands were bloodied, as if clawed by someone’s fingernails. He was so earnest, so helpless, that I said I believed he was doing his best and I was sorry for what had happened. I put my hand on my heart and ended with, “God bless you.”
“Thank you, Ma’am.”
Last week, I was surprised to find several police cars in front of his home and four officers talking with another man on the lawn. I began to reverse my direction, but then I saw my young friend on the porch–turning away with his head down–so I walked closer and called out again, “Are you okay, Honey?”
He turned back, looked up, gave me a weak smile and quietly said, “Oh I remember you! Yeah… I will be okay. I just need to figure out my life. Will you please pray for me?” I put my hand on my heart again and assured him, “Yes I will–what’s your first name?” He told me, then…
“Thank you, Ma’am.”
Resuming my walk, I rounded the corner and encountered another man watching the scene. “Don’t feel sorry for him, he’s a piece of s—,” he admonished. I looked at him intently and replied, “I DO feel sorry for him,” as I walked on. And I do.
I don’t know his full story, but from what I have witnessed, I know that life isn’t easy for this young man. And I know that no matter what he has done, he has value and worth and is beloved of God. Now in our morning prayers, Jim and I ask God to watch over him, to give him comfort, wisdom, and peace. I hope that in those moments of care and concern, of asking and listening, of regarding him as precious and dear, he will know he matters to me, and– most of all–he matters to God.
No matter what.
Simply Soul Searching 