Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
A PICTURE AND A POEM: UNEXPECTED
I bemoaned the rusty, broken pipe
discarded on the ground,
but circling to the other side
surprising joy was found.
For flowers are so beautiful
when held in lovely vases,
but they bring great delight when found
in unexpected places.
The splendor of a garden grows
as it is tended, nourished.
Through weeding, watering, daily care
the crops begin to flourish.
But this plant’s determination
as it seeks the sunlight’s rays
reminds me how much we can grow
in unexpected ways.
In quiet nooks and reverent halls
I feel God’s presence near.
In chapels, churches, I can sense
the Holy is right here.
Yes, I’m aware that God is close,
revealing daily graces
but I love when God surprises me
in unexpected places.
(Photos by Karen; waterfall in Conkle’s Hollow, Hocking Hills)
THIS IS THE MOMENT
Several events from this week have prompted today’s reflection…
On this day the sunshine and blue skies are dimmed by the smoke from the Canadian forest fires. I know everyone is deeply concerned for those who are more directly affected: firefighters, animals and habitats, people in surrounding areas, those in poor health. We grieve the immense devastation and exhausting battle.
And earlier, Jim and I learned that a friend had passed from ovarian cancer. She and I had exchanged calls and texts during her months of treatment, as I offered tips and encouragement from my own experience. Over a year ago, she happily texted that she was cancer-free. But last week, she gently informed me that she was entering hospice care.
I had also been journaling about this retirement phase of my life. I’m no longer serving in any leadership role but in smaller, less visible ways. I hope that I’m enabling others to shine, as I help my family, tend our home, connect with friends, and write words of encouragement or comfort. I recently noted my peace and contentment in this quieter life.
Then I learned that our county commissioners were considering an ordinance that clearly targeted the LGTBQIA+ community after a recent Pride event. I could no longer remain behind the scenes, prompted once again to speak publicly of honoring everyone in God’s beautifully diverse creation. The ordinance passed anyway. But as I walked to my car afterward, several folks thanked me, some in tears, for speaking up in love and support for them.
The week reminds me that life is fragile and unpredictable. We will continue to be surprised, grieved, wounded, and challenged by our world, daily living, and one another.
But we have the certainty and availability of this very moment.
This is the moment for us to care, immediately and compassionately.
This is the moment for us to speak, courageously and truthfully.
This is the moment for us to act, selflessly and kindly.
This is the moment for us to unite, lovingly and humbly.
This is the moment for us to love, universally and lavishly.
This is the moment for us to live, faithfully and generously.
This is the moment to help one another through this difficult yet wondrous, hurtful yet beautiful, uncertain yet glorious life.
(Photo by Karen)
A PICTURE AND A POEM: HOLD THIS FOR THE NIGHT
AN EVENING PRAYER
Thank you, God, for this day;
for all it held for me,
the places and the people,
the gifts that came my way.
The sky begins to dim the light.
As I prepare to rest,
I now return my day to you.
Please hold it for the night.
I know your love remains with me.
You’re present in the dark
so I can gently sleep until
the dawn will come to be.
I place my day into your care.
With gratitude I trust
all blessings you will kindly tend,
all burdens you will bear.
You graciously transform, remake
each moment that you hold,
surprising me with bright new gifts
revealed when I awake…
You preserve each happy joy
as a sweet experience.
You glean from tender sorrow
a soft remembrance.
You make a painful moment
into a victory earned.
You form each woe, each regret
into a lesson learned.
You nudge each inspiration
into a serving task.
You ease each daily care into
a deeper trust that lasts.
I now can calmly rest and be.
My day is held secure
and I find one more gift from you:
In peace you now hold me.
(Photo of sunset by Karen)
A PICTURE AND A POEM: THE PRESENCE IN THE PAUSE
When the argument gets heated,
or my debate could be defeated
but I know the words to win it,
prompt me, please, to wait a minute.
Then put your peace into my head
and give me gracious words instead.
Help me refrain from words that rush
to find the holy in the hush.
When I feel sad or lost or lonely,
and when it seems that there is only
my empty soul on barren ground
with eyes and spirit both cast down;
let me feel your consolation
in the midst of desolation.
Go with me in the wilderness
to shine the sacred in the stillness.
When my schedule becomes hurried,
and I then begin to worry
about my deadlines, times, and dates,
I may believe my prayers should wait.
Instead of spending time with you,
I think I’ve “better” things to do.
Please nudge me then to slow my pace
to find the spirit in the space.
In the course of daily living
– laughing, loving, taking, giving –
please help me to remain aware
of your guidance, love, and care.
When I take time to breathe and be
I sense that you are here with me.
My life is rich and full, because
I find your presence in the pause.
(Photo by Karen)
SWITCHBACK WISDOM
As Jim and I hiked up Meek’s Mountain, I was grateful for the switchbacks that helped us gradually climb onward and upward. We would hike in one direction for a while, then turn around in the opposite direction as the trail took us a bit higher up the mountain. Our zig zag pattern meant that the changes in scenery would be negligible, but we would gain elevation and reach the mountaintop without becoming too weary. And yet, there were times when I wanted to leave the path and hike straight up to the hilltop vista! The switchbacks could feel unnecessary and even a bit frustrating.
Does it sometimes seem as if your journey of life is filled with switchbacks?
In my life, there are times when I feel as if a certain issue is finally resolved, and then it arises anew. Or I believe I have learned a lesson, but I revisit it with each new circumstance and awareness. Or I trust that I am making progress toward a goal when a detour directs me backward. Or I decide to change a certain way of living or being, but soon relive the same story on a similar path. At times I have wondered, “Haven’t I been there, done that, learned to do better, left this behind – once and for all?”
But there is wisdom to be found on the switchbacks of our trails and our lives. This learning journey of life can be filled with turn arounds and repeats, but we will always make progress in some way. With each step, we will build strength and rise upward. We will observe the same scene from a higher (and perhaps clearer) viewpoint. We will often discover something that had gone unnoticed before. We will smile when we realize, “Oh, I remember this! I now know a better way to navigate this portion.”
We may wish to conquer the mountains of life as swiftly as possible, to reach and enjoy the peaceful vistas that await at the top, but the longer journeys will give us the opportunity to gain maturity and wisdom, strength and stamina, patience and perseverance on the way. Switchbacks enable us to make gradual progress, to observe more of the beauty around us, to reflect a little longer, to note our progress, and to grow in strength, one step at a time. Incremental growth is still growth. When we finally arrive at the hilltop, the view will feel more significant, joyful, and wondrous because of the many switchbacks we have traveled to get there.
May we then find that the longer journey has added to our joy, the gradual progress has been part of our perfection, and the switchbacks have been essential steps of our sacred story.
(Photos by Karen, Meeks Mountain)
A PICTURE AND A POEM: LEAVES
I stand beneath the cooling shade
of a verdant canopy;
I look up to the heavens
and feel you here with me.
Sunlight shining through the leaves
creates a grand cathedral.
No temple made by human hands
could ever be your equal.
May I absorb your love’s pure light
and become, much like the leaves,
a quiet sanctuary,
where one can live and grow and breathe.
(Photo by Karen)
THOSE FUTILE GRUDGES (AND AREN’T THEY ALL?)
When Jim and I first moved to this area, we noticed a sign posted on a lawn along the main street of our new town. We couldn’t read all the words as we drove by, but we gathered that these folks were angry because something had been stolen from their property. Eventually the sign was removed, but it was replaced by an electronic messaging board mounted to the side of their house. Angry and accusatory messages have continued to stream across it for several years now.
I don’t know these neighbors or their full story, but their long-held grudge and sign seem futile and even silly to me. The sign can’t be readily seen by any passing vehicles, so it mostly serves as a constant, negative reminder for the people who live there. Since nothing has been resolved after all this time, whomever this sign is targeting must be unphased (and perhaps even amused) by the angry words scrolling across the screen. The neighbors’ anger may be justified, but the grudge they carry probably burdens them more than the initial injustice, hurts them more than those who are being accused.
Our anger can be righteous and healthy when it prompts us to act for justice, resolve problems, restore broken relationships, or defend ourselves and others from harm. But if we let our anger simmer into a resentment or grudge, it serves no purpose for good and will only weigh us down (and often, no one else).
As always, this story holds lessons for me. When has my anger become a grudge instead of a good? Today I hope to be more mindful of using my anger for its better purposes. May I seek to turn my frustration into helpful action, my irritation into genuine communication, my inner hurt into gracious forgiveness. May I not continue to complain, whine, resent, or begrudge, but instead, begin to work toward a better answer, a peaceful resolution.
May I also learn to take whatever is left unresolved and entrust it to God.
Giving up the grudge…
Lovingly letting go…
And fully feeling the freedom.
(Photo by Karen, who took a long walk to read the sign. 😏)
A PICTURE AND A POEM: UPON TURNING 67
There is a precious synergy
between my awareness of passing years
and my deepening gratitude for life.
There is a tender vulnerability
that leads to a wider spectrum
of compassionate tears and blissful joy.
There is a gracious enigma
in that my body often feels weary and worn
while my mind remains youthful and curious.
There is an extraordinary beauty
found in the smallest acts of kindness,
both shared and received to make life lovely.
There is a treasured spaciousness
in my heart, from having less and loving more;
in my soul, from doing less and being more.
There is a hopeful wisdom
that has grown through every heartache and trial
because of every eventual resurrection.
There is a sacred reverence
in regarding all of creation as a sanctuary
in which God is present in soil, sea, sky – and soul.
There is a peaceful serenity
in trusting that I am incomplete and yet enough,
that my worth does not come from achievement.
There is a delightful humility
in finding that my increased understanding of God
has only deepened the mystery of God.
There is a gentle comfort
in knowing that my love will remain beyond my life,
and my life will remain beyond all time.
(Photo: Grammy Karen welcoming my most recent grandchild!)
LIMITING GOD’S LOVE
Years ago, the ELCA churches in northwest Ohio united for an event in which volunteers hiked or biked from one church to the next. The event was intended to foster connections between the churches as we prayed for one another and for our communities while we traveled. I was part of the organizing team, and I wrote a prayer for the pastor or church leader to pray at each stop along the way.
In this prayer, I included the sentence, “God, thank you for loving us.” As the day progressed, I noticed that a few ministry leaders paused or looked uncomfortable as they said these words. One pastor eliminated it completely. This was perplexing to me. Why wouldn’t we be grateful for the love of God?
This memory came back to me recently and inspired some reflection…
If we trust that God IS love–an infinite source of life and love beyond our comprehension–maybe we differ according to our personal experience, perception, or understanding of what love is. We constrain God’s love to our own limited understanding. We may regard love either as merited or freely given… as demanding or gracious… as merciful or punitive… as universal or particular for a chosen few. Much of our understanding comes from the way we were taught or shown God’s love through our parents, mentors, churches, and cultures. Maybe these event leaders were concerned about the possible stances we may have taken when praying those words.
For example, we might have prayed, “Thank you, God, for loving us…” while feeling justified, righteous, or superior (…more than others). We may have felt unworthy or embarrassed to pray (…but I don’t really believe you can love me). Our circumstances may have caused us to be angry or ungrateful with God (…but I am only praying this because everyone else is). Some of us may have felt we were not loved at all (silence).
How blessed we are that God’s love is not dependent on our worthiness or our feelings. As we keep deepening in love for God and of God, may we learn to trust that we are loved in every way:
Even, despite, always, because, anyway.
Beautifully, abundantly, kindly, joyfully.
Gracefully, mercifully, humbly, instructively.
Beyond, above, below, within, throughout.
Immeasurably.
Completely.
Eternally.
Thank you, God, for loving us.
(Photo by Karen)
A PICTURE AND A POEM: A CLOSER LOOK
You fill this world with beauty,
your creation brings delight,
and all around me I can see
your power and your might
in the grandeur of the ocean,
the sky’s enormity,
the majesty of mountaintops,
the strength in every tree.
Yet I can often overlook
(in my ordinary days)
how your greatness still surrounds me
in small and lovely ways.
But when I pay attention,
I find your simple gifts
are gathered near to greet me,
to bless and to uplift.
Your grandeur’s right beside me.
There are miracles held inside
each tiny bud and bloom and branch;
your presence does abide.
All creation seems to sing
of your awe and majesty,
so I join in the chorus
as I feel you here with me.
Sometimes I try to find you, God
in places far away
yet you’re not in distant heaven
but you’re here with me, today.
You’re with me in creation,
with your Spirit in my soul;
I find you in everyone
who makes our world more whole.
So with this new perspective
that there’s more than meets the eye,
help me take a closer look
as life is passing by.
May I find you in the fauna,
the flora and the stranger,
in the friendship, in the love,
and the baby in the manger.
Let me take a deeper look
at your creative power
found in every fellow human
and every fragile flower.
And I can share a portion
of your love that’s limitless
through caring words, in kindness shown,
and humble acts that bless.
(Photos by Karen)
Simply Soul Searching 