Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
A PICTURE AND A POEM: THE SACRAMENT OF THE DAY
Now the day gently rises
upon early dawn
and the choir of creation
soon bursts into song.
May I join with the praise
of each songbird chorus
and in giddy delight
applaud with the forest.
May I glean inspiration
through nature, your teacher
proclaiming your presence
and kinship with creature.
May I speak of your hope
and divine mystery;
let each word of comfort
be a kind liturgy.
May I seek out the sacred
with deep reverence,
through holy, awed silence,
and sweet penitence.
May I share the communion
of human connection
through the breaking of bread
with love and affection.
May I sense you are moving
in breezes that blow,
in the smile of another,
in the soft morning glow.
May I savor the rituals
that order my day
with the walking, the writing,
the moments I pray.
May I feel benediction
as day becomes night,
when I peacefully thank you
and turn out the light.
May I find each day holy,
a blessed sacrament,
and so honor each moment
with sacred intent.
(Photo by Karen)
THE GLOW ON THE HORIZON
The dreary dawn reflected my spirit – gloomy, discouraged, downhearted – as I walked this morning. Even as I felt grateful for the many blessings in my personal life, I grieved for the world. Every day it seems there is something new to grieve, a new story of tragedy and heartache that is yet a repeat of yesterday’s story… and the story before that…
Jesus did say, “In this world you will have trouble…” and his words of truth have given me a broader perspective and deeper wisdom when troubles come. But on this morning’s walk, I felt such frustration and futility that I didn’t want to be reminded of this truth. I didn’t want any more perspective or wisdom. I wanted hope.
And then, upon reaching the hilltop, I saw the glow on the horizon. Yes, the clouds covered the sun’s brightness. Yes, the glow beneath the clouds was faint. But there was a glow.
Hope.
The rest of Jesus’ words came to me: “But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 NIV). There he was, revealing hope through the faint glow above the hills. Today may not be filled with the full light of a bright and infinite eternal joy – but a soft glow is all I need. There was just enough light, revealed in a perfect moment, to assure me that hope is always present. We can trust in this unfailing hope of God.
And we can help with sharing this hope in our world.
Eternity promises the full, bright light of love. But in the meantime, with one small kindness, one tender response, one genuine service, one encouraging word, we can become that soft morning glow on the horizon. We can offer enough light to help another face the next moment, to see God’s love a little more clearly, to glimpse the joy that is yet to come. We can become the gentle light of hope that brightens a dreary moment and radiates with quiet assurance that a new day will dawn.
Bible verse found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
A PICTURE AND A POEM: BLANKET
(Today’s poem was inspired by this prayer blanket, lovingly fringed together by a few friends of Holy Trinity Lutheran Church and given to me during my time with cancer.)
May my life become a blanket
made in your love, to share
your peace and gentle comfort
with soft and soothing care;
a cozy blanket that surrounds
with warmth and healing prayer.
Let me not become a blanket
only used by self to hide
the things I find displeasing;
instead, help me decide
to face what needs addressing
with you here by my side.
Let me not become a blanket,
like a universal law,
a rule with no exceptions
that covers one and all,
but allow for contradiction,
for mystery and awe.
May my life become a blanket
like the snow upon the ground,
sheltering the tender earth
so new life can abound;
providing rest and quietude
where new hope will be found.
(Photo by Karen)
LOVINGLY LEARNING: RACISM
I recently read a thought-provoking blog post that has remained with me. The blog writer, Rev. Dr. Susan K. Smith, asked this question in her recent post on the continued existence of racism (her link is below):
If people knew better, would they do better?
I first contemplated “if people knew better” and my own ignorance about racism…
My childhood home was in a largely white neighborhood community; I didn’t know any black people until I went to college. So, my lack of awareness may have stemmed from this lack of diversity in my life. Racism didn’t seem to impact me or anyone I knew, so it was a topic but not an issue. Fortunately, my parents were loving and gracious, but I did occasionally hear racist remarks – and racial misunderstandings – from other adults and youth. I also understood the term, “racism” as solely describing the hateful words and acts from individuals, not aware of the larger systems that have continued to harm and oppress people of color.
In more recent years, as I became concerned about the injustices against LGTBQ+ people, I also began reading and learning more about racism. In her posts, Rev. Dr. Smith has shared some of the shocking incidents and issues that I had not previously known. This new (to me) information has enlightened, upset, and compelled me to do more.
And so, the second part of her question, “would they do better?” really struck me.
I am only beginning to understand the pain that black and indigenous people have suffered for so long. Perhaps my first step is to grieve not only for my ignorance but for the pain and injustice they have suffered. I also plan to continue learning, so that I can vote accordingly, write to leaders, donate to the agencies working for justice, address misunderstandings, and help spread the awareness of the injustices that prevail.
This is the reason for my post today. I have found that my regular readers are people of faith who want to deepen in God and in love, to listen and learn, and so I imagine that most of you have already been aware of these issues. But if you have been like me – on the outer edge of awareness – I hope you will welcome my sincere invitation to learn more about racial history, policies, abuses, and injustices.
Reading about racism has made me quite uncomfortable at times (one afternoon I had to close the book and regroup for a moment), but my discomfort is nothing like the suffering that others have suffered. When I experience feelings of guilt, defensiveness, or dismay, I regard them as lessons to learn, as well as opportunities to do better – now that I know better.
I am listing a few of the helpful resources I have found – if you have additional resources to share, please add them in the comments!
Peace, dear friends. Thank you for reading these thoughts today.
https://candidobservation.com/2023/04/13/if-people-knew-better-would-they-do-better/ (Rev. Dr. Susan K. Smith)
https://www.racialequityinsights.com/ (also found on Instagram)
How to Be an Antiracist (Kendi)
Not So Black and White: An Invitation to Honest Conversations about Race and Faith (Dabbs, Driver)
(Photo by James Eades on Unsplash)
A PICTURE AND A POEM: PERSEVERANCE
Grandchild so free
small size
immense glee,
playing the game
and undaunted, attempting
numerous times
yet never to score.
Finding the joy
and insightful, beholding
how both game and life
hold so much in store.
You have become
an example for me.
Grandchild so wise
great example
small size,
facing each challenge
and determined, pursuing
with smile on your face
and glint in your eyes.
Tossing the ball
and hopeful, abiding
with no stomping feet
no pouts and no sighs.
You are a mentor
to teach and surprise.
Grandchild so dear,
small size
no fear,
regarding the hoop
and delighted, enjoying
the fun of the toss
the love of the game.
Looking above
and peaceful, inspiring
this awe-filled Grammy
to then do the same.
You’re joy, heaven sent
to be with us here.
(Photo by Karen)
FROM HOLDING ON TO BEING HELD
Feeling especially grateful on a recent night, I whispered, “Thank you, God, for this day,” as I closed my eyes. This small prayer has now become a regular practice. I have found that releasing the day in gratitude helps to settle my soul and quiet my mind for a more restful night. Whatever the day has held, whatever tomorrow will bring, I practice thanking God for the gift of life as I surrender myself into God’s care.
“Practice” is a good word for this, because there are times when I find the surrendering difficult. There are times when I still awaken during the night and all sorts of concerns soon invade my mind. I marvel at the number of new worries that arise, worries that were hidden during the daylight hours. But worrying doesn’t solve the problems; sleep only comes when I can release them back to God. The release brings the relief I need for my peaceful rest.
And I notice that a deeper, genuine peace has come when I — in desperation — have surrendered my entire being, my entire life and those I love, into God’s care. In my times of cancer, marital struggles (and eventual divorce), and other worrisome uncertainties, I actually felt a physical sense of relief, a lightness of being, when I finally surrendered myself to God. My prayers changed from pleas for each concern to “Whatever happens, God, my loved ones and I are in your good care – and we will be okay.” Individual worries then seemed to wane; let them come, I am being held by God.
When we can entrust ourselves to God, our surrender becomes both a release and a relief. The trials will come, but we are never left to face them alone. Our concerns, our outcomes, and our control are lovingly held by the One who remains the infinitely gracious, divine mystery beyond our comprehension.
When we let go, God holds us.
Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. ~ Hermann Hesse
(Photo by Karen)
Quote found at https://www.brainyquote.com/
A PICTURE AND A POEM: TO GOD, WITH LOVE
I glimpse your bright splendor in the morning sunrise.
I calm in your surprising peace during difficult times.
I smile at your joy in the unique beauty of each flower.
I hear your reassuring voice in the stillness of the night.
I marvel at your healing touch on this weary soul.
I notice your gentle nudges that move me to action.
I relish your inspiration shared through gifted artists and musicians.
I praise your unconditional acceptance with the imperfect song of my heart.
I feel your mercy and grace with every tear of recognition of my failures.
I anticipate my future with the hope found in your promises.
I grow in trust with every experience of your unfailing, constant presence.
I humble in your magnificence as I consider the universe; my smallness within it.
I bask in the warmth of your love radiating through spouse, family, friends.
I love you.
And oh, how I know you love me…
and yet this is but a tiny revelation
of your complete and infinite love
that is still to come, forever and always.
(February 2017)
(I have had a few busy but delightful weeks with grandchildren, so I’m resharing this post from several years ago. This photo was taken on one of my morning walks at Swan Creek Metropark, Toledo.)
SILENCE, THE ‘POINTLESS’ PRACTICE
I have been listening to the four meditative Prayer Cycles found at the Abbey of the Arts Podcast. Each prayer session includes a series of readings, prayers, and music for contemplative reflection, as well as a three-minute pause for silence. Initially I tried listening to these at home, but when I tried to be quiet and still, my mind would race. Eventually I discovered that I could remain more attentive during my daily walks; the physical movement helped clear and quiet my mind. And yet, on a recent morning walk, I checked my phone because I thought I had lost my podcast signal. I had forgotten that this was the silent time offered during the session!
Laughing at myself, I then recalled another time when I went to a four-day silent retreat at a spiritual center. On the first morning, I happily greeted, “Good morning!” as a gracious nun passed me in the hallway. She pleasantly smiled – and kept walking – as I clapped my hand over my mouth. And all through the day, I continued to feel unproductive and restless in the silence. I decided to leave the following afternoon, my four days reduced to two.
Aside from the struggle to quiet myself, I have also questioned the purpose of silence, often inwardly asking, “What’s the point?” In those moments when I’m open to freely listen and be fully present to God, I seem to come away empty. When I am “successful” at silence, I often feel as if I have wasted my time – and God’s. For in trying to give God an opportunity to speak, my attempts to inhibit my own thoughts seem to inhibit everything else. Perhaps even a word from God!
But I plan to continue this practice of silence with God. Because (at least for me) maybe the purpose of silence is to have no purpose. The practice of stillness reminds me that I do not always need to achieve, learn, improve, glean, or even hear. I can dwell in a purposeless and pointless time, to rest in holy presence, and let this be enough. My desire to seek perfection or inspiration in the silence actually reveals my insecurity about being beloved – just as I am – by God. My struggle for stillness confirms that my worth will not be found in any prayerful proficiency, but rather, my inadequacy reveals God’s significant love for me.
Keeping silent time with God is becoming a sacred practice of wrestling with myself while resting in God’s love. My faulty attempts at silence invite me to remain with what is, to humbly acknowledge my struggle, to sense God’s loving presence even without my cooperation, to learn to accept my own humanity, and then to increasingly extend that gracious acceptance to all the complexities of life.
~~~~~
After writing the first draft of this post, I went for another walk. In a lovely God-moment, I heard another podcast speaker refer to this verse from 2 Corinthians:
(The Lord) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
(2 Corinthians 12:8-9 NRSVUE)
I laughed again. In holy humor, God brought meaning and purpose to my thoughts on ‘pointless’ silence. God will continue to reveal loving goodness, lessons to glean, and words of wisdom – without needing any help from me.
Bible passage found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
A PICTURE AND A POEM: TIME
TIME
My hourglass is at that time;
more sand has passed
than what remains.
It seems the hours of my life
are not unlike
those transient grains.
May we cherish, hold as sacred,
this current time
now held in view.
The present moment is a gift,
one precious grain
just passing through.
With gratitude and reverence,
let’s live this day
in joy and love,
and focus on that center sand,
not what’s below
or yet above.
In looking to the narrow glass
and beholding
every minute,
we’ll find in each surprising grain
eternity
held within it.
With this perspective, we need not
lament the sand
that’s passed before;
nor worry with uncertainty
of how much sand
is yet in store.
When our hourglass has finished,
forever loved,
our life will be
beyond the hours and sands of time,
eternal and
forever free.
For Betty.
Photo by Karen.
“THE BEGINNING OF THE BEGINNING” (EASTER)
The past is the beginning of the beginning
and all that is and has been
is but the twilight of the dawn.
~ H. G. Wells
Drop at the foot of the cross…
every wound we have kept
every tear we have wept
every burden we have borne
every shackle we have worn.
Bury in the darkness of the tomb…
each grudge held so long
each doubt kept, though wrong
each resentment relished
each judgment embellished.
Wait in the silent stillness of night…
in watchful attention
in prayerful intention
in thoughtful exploration
in quiet expectation.
Rise in the dawn of a bright new day…
with bodies replenished to labor
with senses restored to savor
with minds renewed to ponder
with souls refreshed to wonder.
Emerge in the freedom of the rolled-away stone…
to walk in faith, not fear
to hold one another dear
to grow with open mind
to live a life that’s kind.
As Jesus has risen, so may our goodness, too. Easter blessings to you, dear friends.
(Photo by Karen)
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