Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
RETURN: Ash Wednesday, February 14th
WEEK ONE: REPENTANCE
RETURN
Genesis 3:17-19 (NRSV)
By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread
until you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.”
Every year on Ash Wednesday, the sign of the cross is made with ashes on our foreheads. The words said are a humbling, painful reminder for us all: “You are dust, and to dust you shall return.” One day, I will be dust. You will be dust. Lent takes us to dust; Lent reminds us of our broken sinfulness and even our insignificance. We are only able to find hope in these words because we know the rest of the story.
I have an Ash Wednesday confession. I wipe the ashes from my head before I go out in public. I like to assure myself that my reason for doing so is that my penitence is personal and private. I assure myself that I can serve as a better witness of Christ through my loving acts more than by having ashes on my head.
But to be honest, I wipe the ashes off because I am embarrassed. I am concerned that I will look foolish to someone who isn’t familiar with our faith practices. I am even more concerned that someone will consider me “Christian” but not in the way I would like. For many people, the Christian image is one of hypocrisy, condemnation, exclusivity and judgment- often rightfully so. I don’t want to be seen as one who does the exact opposite of what I think Jesus would want us to do.
Upon writing that last sentence I am returned to humble dust. How many times do I do “the exact opposite of what Jesus would want us to do?” Already this morning I’m aware of two:
- I am prideful about my image and what others think of me. Jesus suffered total humiliation and agony on the cross and yet I worry about what image the ashes on my forehead may create.
- I am a reluctant witness. I would rather avoid questions or confrontations, than hope for opportunities for conversation, sharing and understanding.
I am not being the person Jesus calls me to be.
Return. Return… to dust. The contrast between my prideful self-image concerns and the fact that I will be returned to the ground as insignificant dust is striking. “Return” is a good word to begin this Lenten journey.
Reflection:
Are there any ways you have done the “exact opposite of what Jesus would want us to do?”
What feelings arise as you think of one day returning to dust? What causes concern? What brings gratitude?
How does the word, “return” touch your heart today?
Loving Jesus,
Today as we are reminded that we are insignificant dust, thank you for showing us that we are also your beloved friends and followers. Thank you for forgiving us every time we are not the people you have called us to be. As we begin this Lenten season, continue to reveal to us how we may grow and learn, always trusting that you love us anyway. Today we return to dust. But we also return to YOU. Thank you. Amen.
Lenten Reflections: From Repentance to Resurrection
Next Wednesday, February 14th, is Ash Wednesday!
We begin the Lenten season on Ash Wednesday with the call to repentance, and end the season with the wonderful celebration of the Easter resurrection. I recently noticed that both repentance and resurrection begin with RE. In my fascination for words and patterns, I began exploring RE words that may guide our Lenten journey this year. Oh, so many lovely words were found!
Dictionary.com defines ‘re’ as “a prefix, occurring originally in loanwords from Latin, used with the meaning “again” or “again and again” to indicate repetition, or with the meaning “back” or “backward” to indicate withdrawal or backward motion.”
And certainly Lent is a time of acknowledging and grieving our sinfulness (which we seem to do “again and again”); of repeating our fasts or other spiritual practices; of trying again and again to grow as followers of Christ. Lent is also a time to look backward on our past mistakes; to look again at the life of Jesus along with his ways and teachings; and a time to withdraw from the things that keep us from deepening in him.
This Lent, we will have a weekly theme with daily RE words to consider, along with a short devotion. (Sundays will be my Sabbath rest from writing.) It is my prayer that these words and devotions will faithfully and beautifully bless your ever-deepening relationship with Jesus Christ.
Where Do You Need Me Most?
I was expecting Jim to come in the door after his morning walk when I received his text: “Have one more mile. I was waylaid but I will tell you about that later.”
I later learned that he was walking along a back road when he came upon an elderly woman who had fallen in the mud outside her home. She was confused and chilled; she wore only a nightgown, and her feet were bare. Jim gave her his sweatshirt, called 911, and ran up the road to get her daughter. As they then waited together for the emergency medical team, the dear relieved woman kept quietly praying, “Thank you, Jesus,” and calling Jim her guardian angel. Jim was grateful that he happened to walk there at that time! Later that day, he stopped by her home with a loaf of cinnamon bread and found that she was recovering well.
Most mornings we awaken with a planned route in mind, but we find at day’s end that we have not stayed on the route we intended. Our paths are often interrupted or redirected, so we do not reach our desired destination or goal. Jim did not awaken with a plan to delay his walking time or to return later to this new friend’s home. But the delay and the detour seemed to bless him as much as he blessed her.
I wonder how much more of God’s good work could be done if we were always willing–and even READY–to be interrupted or rerouted. In our desire to follow God’s will, I wonder if the best question we might ask is, “Where am I needed most today?”
When we read about Jesus in the gospels, we learn that he was always willing to change his route or stop along the way for some greater good. Jesus couldn’t reach every person with healing and hope, but in his short life he did what he was called to do: Jesus allowed God to take him to where he was most needed. Shouldn’t that be our call, too? Shouldn’t we give up our carefully planned routes and desired destinations if we can make a difference in a better way?
This week I have heard how other family members changed their routes. One who walked to a patient’s hospital room instead of her office to work on report deadlines. One who walked out of her warm and comfortable home on a snowy evening to care for a church member. One who stopped walking to his graduate school class to answer a call from his sister. Their original routes were good ones, important and worthwhile, but their redirection helped to serve a greater purpose, that of caring for the immediate needs of others.
I am tempted to note that, of course, we can’t always do this. We sometimes need to avoid detours or delays in order to remain on the route of our usual obligations, career deadlines, necessary self-care, already-full schedules, and important expectations of others.
But maybe we don’t.
What Is the Song of Your Heart?
Last week, Pastor Michael invited me to serve as the Sunday school and small group coordinator at St. John UMC. Those of you who know me can understand how much this excites and blesses me! This ministry is one of the songs of my heart; a song that inspires, motivates, and delights me. It is one I have missed since relinquishing my role after my cancer and Jim’s heart surgery two years ago. I hope to bless God and the people of St. John as much as they have blessed me.
But what profoundly blesses me about my story is how God moved the hearts of people (including me) to give me my song again.
Julie, the current Sunday school coordinator, has been capably serving in this role for over 13 years. About a month ago, she realized she was growing weary (she has recently begun serving in another ministry), and my name just came to her mind as her possible replacement. She relayed this to Pastor Michael, who affirmed her suggestion but felt a nudge to wait until January to ask me. During that month, I was happily busy with holiday festivities, posting Advent devotions on my blog, writing my book, and spending time with my family. I was unaware of the discussions or the upcoming invitation.
This past Sunday as I was journaling, a new yearning came over me. I wrote what I felt God was saying to me: “This morning you wonder how to make the most of this year- and how to make each day productive, full, and used abundantly. Your sense of urgency (that your time is limited) has waned with each healthy check up; still you know that you are also aging with each passing season. You long to know that you have made a good difference for others, and that you have lived fully, not wasting any of your precious time.”
I then shared with Jim my longing to do something more with my life. He prayed for me, asking God to help me discern and discover how best to use my time and gifts. Until that morning, I hadn’t even noticed that I was longing for more. A few hours later, Pastor Michael was asking me to serve in this ministry I love…
Since the world began, I am not certain how much God intervenes or changes the world as it is. But I do believe that God changes the hearts of everyone who allows God to do so; we then can become the change in the world. God does this by bringing healing after pain, inspiration and wisdom after trials, resurrection after losses, courage for challenges, strength for tasks, and the vision and desire to use all of these gifts to work for good. Along with all of these gifts, God offers us a song for our hearts.
What is the song of your heart? Your song is the one that brings meaning, purpose and delight to your life. God hopes you will hear it, play it, sing it, and even dance to it, because your unique song brings joy to God, to others, and to you.
~You may already have a song in your heart; is this the moment to ask God to reveal the best way for you to play it and to share it?
~You may have been burdened with other responsibilities and have had to put your song on hold; is this the moment to ask God to keep playing it softly until the time is right? (Could that time be NOW?)
~You may have had trials or sorrows that have silenced your song; is this the moment to ask God to help you find a new song- a song of healing, inspiration and deeper meaning?
~You may be blessed to already be singing your song; is this the moment to stop and simply thank God for this joy?
Our hearts may be filled with so many blessings and yet we still yearn for that one beautiful song. God is ready to reveal that song to us, the song of our God-given dreams. God will provide our song of hope, of joy, of meaning. God wants to give us the joy of having a ‘heart-song’ to sing and to share. God delights in hearing the song of our hearts, sung out with joy, and blessing all who hear it… including the one who sings.
New Year Reflect-ions
Thanks to all of you who shared your Word for 2018. You have blessed me with them. There were so many inspiring and profound ones! May you all learn and grow through your word in 2018.
Here are some of the words that friends shared with me. (I may use some of these in the next few years!) Clarity, Listen, Peace, Hope, Patience, Humble, Discovery, Courage, Perseverance, Kind and Simple, Follow, Serve, Acceptance, Strength, Resilience, Completely…
The explanations and reasons were beautiful, too. Here are a few. Listen: “Talk less; seek to understand. Pay attention to what others say, and to what they don’t. Listen to my own instincts. Listen for signs that the universe is trying to give me.” Simple, Kind: “Kind to people, animals, nature, and stuff (reduce chemicals used to clean, etc). Simple in words, eating, and possessions (time to clear things out of the house again).” Completely: “Proverbs 3:5-6 will explain. I still struggle with this.” Thank you all for inspiring me!
My word for 2018 is Reflect. There are two definitions that resonate with me. The first is to mirror, imitate, or reveal. I hope to reflect the life and love of Jesus in my daily living. I was considering Shine, as in being a shining light of love, but the word Reflect keeps me mindful that any light of love is not of me but only a reflection of Christ’s love.
The other definition is to think, consider, wonder, or contemplate. I hope to spend more time in contemplation, prayer and writing. I plan to practice the Ignatian Daily Examen* at the end of each day, in order to learn and grow spiritually. I would like to look at nature and humanity with awe and wonder, and to be more aware of God’s wisdom shown through all of creation.
May your new year bring many good moments that bring you joy, and enough challenges to strengthen you. May you notice abundant blessings with a heart that is grateful for each one of them. May you find time for loving relationships and time for contemplative solitude. May you be open to new ideas and new adventures, while grateful for traditions and memories. Most of all, may you feel how God is ever present; loving, helping, guiding, healing you- every moment of every day.
Happy New Year! ~Karen
*You may learn about the Examen at http://www.ignatianspirituality.com
Gleefully Terrified
The little girl and her younger brother were playing in their front yard as I passed by on my evening walk. My thoughts were interrupted by her young voice yelling, “There’s a WITCH!” I turned to see where this witch was- and the little girl was pointing at me! I had no choice but to turn around and give them my best witch’s cackle. Shrieking, they ran behind the house and continued to watch me from a safe distance. But even from there I could see their smiles of delight.
Have you ever been “gleefully terrified?” These are the times when you allow yourself to be totally frightened and yet fully trusting that all will be well. You are wildly scared and yet completely happy and excited. You are fully present to the moment, anticipating and watching. I recall some favorite times when my cousin, sister and I would hide from my Uncle Joe. Quietly waiting in our hiding places, we were nervous and afraid- but also joyfully giddy! We knew that when he found us, he would only catch us briefly as we would all laugh and run. The suspense was a gleeful one because we knew we were being “pursued” by someone who loved us very much.
I’ve been thinking that I would like to have more gleefully terrified moments with God. God is an awesome and infinite God, whose love is beyond my comprehension. I know that too often my prayers have asked too little; I have trusted too feebly. I know that I maintain too many boundaries and parameters when I pray for God’s will to be done. I know I have been praying too much for my limited desires and not God’s infinite ones.
I wonder how my life might change if I could dare to pray so readily and freely that I tingle in suspense! To pray so fervently to follow God’s will that I tremble. To open my heart to be so loving that I weep tears of tenderness. To surrender my life so totally that each morning I awaken in giddy uncertainty. To work toward a goal so beyond my ability that I know I will fail without God’s help. To risk my security so readily for the good of others that I become desperate for God’s provision. To ask God to use me where God needs me most- so earnestly that I have goosebumps.
If I could actually pray this way, I know I will feel terrified. But I believe I will also feel extremely gleeful.
Because I am being pursued by someone who loves me very much.
What is Your Word for 2018?
As we rapidly approach 2018, I invite you to try the practice of choosing a word for the new year! There are a variety of sites on the internet that also offer more information about this practice. For those of you who are new to my blog, you may find my original post about choosing a word in What is Your Word for 2017?
Choosing a word helps me become more mindful about how I live each day and how I plan my schedule. This past year with THRIVE as my guiding word, I became more physically fit, found roots in our new community, deepened in faith, and explored how to best thrive in my vocation. My word often helps me to discern when to accept opportunities and when to decline. The best part of choosing a word is that I begin to notice how God works through my word to teach and guide me.
There are many ways to find a word. You might begin by considering your heart’s desire- your hope for 2018. How might you like to grow or learn? What quality would you like others to see in you? What did you lack this year that you would like to increase this year? What would deepen you spiritually? What would increase your openness to God? What would bring you joy? Peace? What word would encourage reflection and awareness? What one way of living would you most like to change or enhance? Spend some time in contemplation or prayer to find the right word for you.
I usually choose my word in a verb form. Jim likes to choose a quality. It is helpful for me to look at lists of words and notice if any resonate. My word came to me about a month ago, and I will share it in January. I would love to know what word you choose!
Blessings on your journey of 2018!
Peace in the Dawn of a New Day- Friday, December 29th
WEEK FOUR: PEACE IN THE DAWN OF A NEW DAY
The Light of our Countenance
John 8:12 (NRSV)
Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”
Psalm 34:5 (NRSV)
Look to him, and be radiant; so your faces shall never be ashamed.
Jesus has come. The Dawn of Light is fully shining on us. And Jesus is telling us that if we follow him, if we follow this Dawn of Light, we will never walk in darkness. I hope these Advent reflections have reminded us how true this is! Jesus provides hope, love, joy and peace in all circumstances. Jesus is our Helper, our Comforter, our Teacher, our Guide, our Redeemer, our Friend. We have abundant life for all eternity.
This Good News is meant to be shared! This Good News is a gift for everyone! How might we serve as witnesses of Christ? One of the ways is to walk among others with this “light of life.” This is the witness of our countenances; how we present ourselves to others. When we walk in peace during troubled times, trusting in the One who holds us and keeps us… when we walk in peace during times of turmoil as gentle, unwavering presences…. when we walk in peace among those who would scorn us as unashamed people of integrity… we will be true witnesses of the Good News of Jesus Christ.
In following the light of the world, Jesus’ light not only will fill us and guide us, but it will reflect on us to shine upon others. We follow and we look to him, and we become radiant. This is our visible witness that the Dawn of Light has fully come, and we will walk in peace forever.
God’s peace shines through our countenance as we follow Jesus.
Numbers 6:24-26 (NRSV)
The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.
Peace in the Dawn of a New Day- Thursday, December 28th
WEEK FOUR: PEACE IN THE DAWN OF A NEW DAY
The Light of a Searchlight
Psalm 139:1-2,7,11-12 (NRSV)
O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from far away.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light around me become night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
In the times when I feel as if I have disappointed God- when I know that I have not been as loving or kind, as selfless or gentle, or as gracious and humble as God would like- I feel far away from God. It’s as if I am trying to avoid God until I do enough ‘good’ to be back in God’s good graces! But God knows what I have done, even if I don’t admit or confess it. Like a searchlight, God seeks me out, even if I try to avoid or hide from God.
Jesus, as our Dawn of Light, assures us that we are forgiven. This is why our confession brings peace. We are not telling God anything God doesn’t already know- and has shown us through Jesus that we are already forgiven- but we clear our hearts as we confess our wrongdoings, and we change our hearts as we express our desire to repent. God’s searchlight is a light of loving forgiveness, a light of full understanding, a light of encouraging guidance as God works to perfect us. God’s searchlight is a light of discovery and peace.
God’s peace shines when we confess our sins.
Peace in the Dawn of the New Day- Wednesday, December 27th
WEEK FOUR: PEACE IN THE DAWN OF A NEW DAY
The Light of a Desk Lamp
Psalm 119:130 (NRSV)
The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.
A few months before I learned I had cancer, I read The Artist’s Way series by Julia Cameron. The books are written to help artists discover and enhance their creativity, and I love how Julia emphasizes the spirituality in creativity. She encourages the practice of writing “morning pages.” Every morning, before doing anything else, we are to write our free-flowing thoughts on three pages. I began writing these morning pages a few years ago, and they have become an integral part of my contemplative, prayer time with God. Every morning I have a cup of coffee, turn on my desk lamp, and begin writing.
I understand now how God led me to begin this practice, so that I was better prepared to face my cancer. Beginning the day fresh with God is such a centering, reflective, wisdom-filled time. God’s word for me each morning gives me understanding and focus for the day (after all, it even gives understanding to the “simple!”). All through the joys and trials of my time with cancer, God gave me that peace beyond understanding. Spending time in honest reflection with God each morning helped carry me through.
God’s word comes to us in many ways. You may not enjoy writing. But we may read God’s Word in the Bible. We may hear a Word from God in a conversation or music. We may see God’s Word in nature and life. God’s Word comes to us each time we listen or watch for it. God’s Word now has especially come to us as Jesus! God’s Word gives us light for each day. God’s Word gives us peace for each day.
God’s peace shines as we begin each day with God and God’s word.
Simply Soul Searching 