Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
WHAT DO I (REALLY) NEED?
We have had a delightful summer of fun getaways and regular responsibilities, but these middle weeks of July had remained relatively unscheduled. I happily anticipated using this time to focus on my writing projects, with plenty of uninterrupted hours for reflection and serious effort. Instead, I found myself drained and depleted, uninspired and unable to write any words that I felt were worth sharing.
To overcome this empty feeling, I began asking God for the inspiration and determination to persevere. Then (to help God with my request 😉) I began listening to numerous podcasts, hoping to glean one helpful insight. I began reading books, hoping to find an uplifting story to share. I journaled often, hoping to clarify my inner thoughts and longings. This morning I told Jim that I was feeling desperate; desperate to fill my thoughts and spirit with something that would guide or inspire, something that would help me keep writing.
Some surprising questions suddenly came to me…
What if my lack that draws me to God is a holy invitation to something new?
What if my prayers for perseverance or determination have been misguided?
What if God wants to fill my emptiness with something else, something completely new and different?
Other prayers soon came to mind. How often could my prayers be short-sighted? How often have I assumed to know what I need? When I feel frustrated or irritated, I tend to pray for peace and patience; what if God is ready to fill me with courage or motivate me to action? When I am sad, I usually ask for trust and hope; what if God knows I need compassion or wisdom along with these? And now, when I am praying for inspiration and perseverance – what if I am being invited to rest in God’s loving presence instead?
May I learn to regard this emptiness as a gift, as an invitation to let God fill me with what God deems best. Trusting that the Spirit intercedes for us (Romans 8:26), that God loves us with an infinite love, and that God knows exactly what we need, I can simply bring my emptiness to God without a specific request. May my sole expectation be that God will fill me – and maybe even surprise me – with every goodness that is found in Love alone.
Photo by Karen (Anna Ruby Falls, GA)
Simply Soul Searching 
I blundered like a clumsy clown
when searching for an answer;
unfilled need, it got me down,
and so I needed cancer
to sharpen up the heart and mind,
giving purpose to my days
that would let me seek, and find,
at last, reason to offer praise
for a life stripped bare of chaff,
down to draught of every breath,
to a God who bade me laugh
in the face of scowling death,
and for the shining victory
already won at Calvary.
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You always come to bless us
with reflections that uplift…
you help us see –
in losing much
one still can find a gift.
Thank you, Andrew.
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Karen, this is lovely, and honours me more than I can say.
Your friendship and patience have been a gift beyond price. You have changed my heart for the better, and I will speak to God of you.
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The feeling is mutual, my friend. Thank you so very much!!
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