Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
PRESENT TO ANOTHER’S PAIN
After my hip replacement surgery a few weeks ago, I have been reflecting on pain – not so much my own pain, for mine is the result of elective surgery that will soon lead to a pain-free life – but in sadness for two dear friends who are enduring worse pain, as well as uncertainty as to when relief will come. My pain is bearable and short-term; theirs is not.
I tried to write words of comfort, encouragement, and hope, to somehow ease their pain and bolster their peace and patience for this waiting time. But words were not coming–until I recognized how these two hurting friends demonstrated a most meaningful and helpful source of comfort: supportive companionship. Nancy has sent me notes of hope and joy, rarely mentioning her own pain. Kurt (along with Judy) came to visit and brought this soft blanket arrayed with uplifting words of assurance.
I once heard the quote, “Happiness shared is happiness doubled.” Today I believe that “Pain shared is pain diminished.” Though the actual pain may not be removed or reduced, a certain comfort comes from having someone who cares, who understands and longs to help, who is praying, who is lovingly holding us through our trial.
I am thankful for every person who has been present to another’s pain. Thank you, dear Jim and other friends, for helping me in this time. Thank you, dear readers, for your prayers and words of encouragement through my temporary discomfort. Never underestimate the power of your supportive companionship through your acts of kindness and words of care and concern. Knowing someone is journeying with us, sharing our burdens, helps us to take each next step toward healing.
And I am thankful for God’s vigil-keeping, gentle healing, and yes, supportive companionship for our pain. God provides sustenance for each moment, peace for the present, hope for the future, patience for the waiting, clarity for the confusion. In every struggle, we are being held by a loving power much greater than we can fathom.
May every hurting person cling to that.
May every caring person know that you are the visible reminders, the helpful companions who serve as God’s healing presence for all who are in pain. Thank you.
(Photo by Karen)
CAPACIOUSNESS
CAPACIOUS: Having a lot of space inside; able to include a lot of different things. (Cambridge Dictionary)
This past week, I heard the word, “capacious” several times, so I regarded this as a holy invitation to reflect on this word and let it teach or inspire me…
It seems that capaciousness could be one of the best and truest gifts of our faith. As our love for God increases, as the Spirit inspires, and as our insight deepens, our spirits become more capacious–expanding in openness as well as in capacity.
Having space… Our capacious spirit is able to hold space for more of God, keep room for others, and reduce any nonessentials that impede our faithful living. Trusting that we are beloved, we eliminate what no longer belongs–burdens such as guilt, resentment, envy, fear. Our hearts can become more open–to wonder, to mystery, to expansive thinking, to deeper trust, to more joy and holy delight.
Able to include… Our capacious spirit can then embrace more of life, as we learn to hold dualities together, accept diversity, and welcome the fullness of life with its contradictions, struggles, and mysteries. Our hearts increasingly hold all life and all people together in love. We find true serenity and peace that become visible to others.
One of my favorite spiritual writers, Richard Rohr, OFM, wrote these thoughts about openness–what one could call capaciousness:
To finally surrender ourselves to healing, we have to have three spaces opened up within us – and all at the same time: our opinionated head, our closed-down heart, and our defensive and defended body. That is the summary work of spirituality – and it is indeed work. Yes, it is also the work of “a Power greater than ourselves,” and it will lead to a great luminosity and depth of seeing. That is why true faith is one of the most holistic and free actions a human can perform. It leads to such broad and deep perception that most traditions would just call it “light.” Remember, Jesus said that we also are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14), as well as saying it about himself (John 8:12).
May this word, capacious, guide me to notice when I am closed-minded, hard-hearted, or self-centered; to open my heart for more of God’s goodness. May I be led to look with better awareness, listen with higher understanding, learn with greater humility, love with wider generosity, and live with deeper joy–as one small light of love.
(Reader friends, THANK YOU again for your prayers and good wishes. I had my hip replaced over a week ago, and each day I am feeling stronger. I hope you know how much your support has meant to me.)
Richard Rohr, Radical Grace: Daily Meditations
Photo by Karen
GREATER GIFTS
Heartfelt Gratitude…
For this good earth;
your presence on
the woods, the fields,
the dusk, the dawn,
the blooms, the leaves,
the bird, the fawn.
For bonus years
and precious days,
I am so glad
that I could stay–
more time to laugh
and sing and play.
~~~~~
Inner Contentment…
For inner peace
and quiet soul;
in all the ways
you make me whole.
You help, inspire,
uplift, console.
For joy found
in simplicity.
In you I have
serenity;
in having less,
I’m truly free.
~~~~~
Peaceful Serenity…
For holding me
within your care;
all pain and grief
you help me bear,
and deepest joy
we sweetly share.
For knowing you
are trustworthy.
Your ways may be
a mystery–
but you are for
eternity.
~~~~~
Abiding Love…
For presence that
remains, abounds.
In every place
you may be found
in sight and scent
and taste and sound.
For presence that
surrounds, enfolds
through family, friends,
the ones who hold
your deepest love,
your spirit bold.
~~~~~
These greater gifts
have come from you,
enriching life.
May all I do
reflect your love
with grateful hue.
(Photo by Karen)
OVERLAPPING
When I was a service representative at the telephone company, the importance of “overlapping” was often stressed. This was a time before digital records, so we were strongly encouraged to overlap our paperwork tasks whenever we could. If we were placed on hold during a call, we were to write notices. As we were listening to a customer, we were to file records. Overlapping was the only way to keep up with the administrative tasks on our desks.
Years later, I find that overlapping is a natural tendency for me. Listening to an audio book while I walk… Tidying the kitchen while waiting for our coffee to brew… Clearing my emails while waiting for an appointment. Overall, I find that overlapping is efficient and productive. And yet, I have been known to say that I can’t text and walk (making Jim laugh) and that I can’t think and drive (causing Jim some concern 😉 )!
Of course, we need to be mindful about the extent of our overlapping. We can become distracted and not fully present to important moments; we can endanger ourselves and others (I once saw a driver with a book propped on the steering wheel); we may not accomplish tasks as well as we should. There is a time for intentionally focusing on one thing.
But today, I am thinking about God’s incredible way of overlapping. All of creation is multi-layered, multi-purposed, multi-faceted. For example, the strong maple tree provides cooling shade, delicious syrup, branches for bird nests, glorious autumn color, wood for fires and furnishings, and in the end, nutrients for the soil. To the contemplative, the tree offers seasonal insights, inspires beautiful poems, and displays God’s glory. By simply being a tree, the maple serves abundantly and generously with overlapping gifts.
I sense an invitation for this week–to watch for the ways God is overlapping in my daily living. I wonder how much more of God’s presence I will discover if I look beyond the obvious, seek the deeper significance, watch for the greater purpose, and discern how God’s overlapping ways are revealing the sacred goodness of every moment, every part of this beautiful, fruitful, wondrous life.
But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
the birds of the air, and they will tell you;
ask the plants of the earth, and they will teach you,
and the fish of the sea will declare to you.
Who among all these does not know
that the hand of the Lord has done this?
In his hand is the life of every living thing
and the breath of every human being.
(Job 12:7-10 NRSVUE)
Bible passage found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
THEN THERE ARE THESE MOMENTS…
(Some of you may recall that I had been waiting for months to meet with an orthopedic surgeon for a hip replacement. I have so appreciated your prayers and good wishes!)
I finally met with Dr. C., the orthopedic surgeon who will replace my hip. He is gracious, kind, and capable, so I have every confidence in him and this surgery. When he asked if I had a time frame in mind, I requested to have the surgery done before the end of June, if possible. I explained that Jim would then be home on summer break to help me, and our expenses could be included with our current deductible.
Dr. C. then frowned, shook his head, and said, “We are probably looking at six months.” He explained that they had lost two doctors in our area and have been absorbing their patients, but he did offer to add me to the cancelation list. I understood, but I was disappointed–perhaps devastated. I immediately began looking to God for the patience and stamina I would need.
But as he was finishing our conversation, Dr. C. looked at his cell phone and typed a few words. He then said he had received a notification of a cancelation–and he had given the surgery scheduler my name. If the opening had not yet been filled, I would hear from her by the end of the week. A small sob rose in my throat.
And as I walked to my car, I pulled out my phone to text Jim, and found the scheduler already calling! My surgery will be on May 21st. When she heard my grateful and giddy excitement, the scheduler laughed; Dr. C. had told her she would make my day. Oh my, she did! In a matter of moments, so much had changed.
I consider God as Infinite Love, whose presence does not orchestrate life but goes with us through every joy and sorrow. But then I have incredible moments like these, and I wonder if God is indeed arranging small miracles. As I contemplated this in my journal the next day, I sensed God saying…
It is important for you to recognize my loving presence in all of life; to know that I would have helped you cope with the waiting, shared your disappointment, and revealed new insights for this time. But in whatever way this came to be, isn’t it a gift to be thankful? To feel Infinite Love? To believe I arranged a tiny miracle–bringing goodness from this cancelation? To wonder if life is more than it appears to be? To allow for holy mystery?
Oh my, yes, God–what a gift!
(Photo by Karen)
FROM FLOWING STREAM TO QUIET POND
I like to think of the spiritual life as a flowing stream, ever progressing on a journey deeper into our true selves in God. I envision the riverbanks as God’s guidance, turning and leading me onward. My life experiences can be like springs of new waters adding momentum, or at times, like rocks and boulders slowing my flow. My ideal journey would be one of vitality and exuberance–tumbling and splashing over obstacles, spraying refreshing waters of joy, gurgling with delight or thundering with devotion–as I wind my way toward greater faithfulness, wisdom, and servanthood. I want my heart to “flow rivers of living water” as Jesus once described (John 7:38).
But as I approach my 68th birthday, the pace of my life stream is gradually slowing, both physically and spiritually. My river of living water isn’t as swift or effervescent as it once was. When a stream approaches a lake or pond, it begins to flow more slowly as it becomes wider and shallower. I sense that my spiritual life is slowing or mellowing in that same way. My faith is broadening, while my vigor is shallowing. Perhaps one day I will be more like the pond than the river.
I recall a beautiful truth about streamflow. As a river slows, its sediment begins to drop off, and the river becomes clearer and purer. With God’s help, this time of life can be a gift. My slower pace will mean I can no longer carry any superfluous or extraneous “sediment” I have picked up along the way. My hope is that, with mindful slowing and prayerful releasing, God may reveal a clearer mission, a purer wisdom for living these days.
And I wonder if our life stream is intended to bring us to the pond as our desired spiritual destination. All the ways we have traveled and turned, run low and replenished, taken in springs and sediment, then slowed and released, will one day bring us to this place. In the pond, we can quietly sparkle and glimmer with sunshine and heavenly sky. We can reflect God in the faces of those who gaze upon us. We can offer serenity as we gently touch the shore and murmur of peace.
We can abide in greater depths of wisdom and love.
We can be still–and we can behold.
Photos by Karen; stream in WV, Jordan Pond in ME.
WHO MIGHT BE LISTENING?
I was leading a Sunday children’s class when I complained that I was cold. As I wrapped my cardigan tightly around myself, one young girl observed aloud, “It’s because your clothes are cheap.” To emphasize her point, she then cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “Cheap!” The other leaders looked at me, wide-eyed, but I began to laugh! This six-year-old child had spoken the truth; my clothes are usually cheap. Suspecting she had heard these words elsewhere, I laughed to imagine the reaction of the originator if they were to learn how their words had been repeated.
~~~~~
Years ago, when I was a teenaged server at a Big Boy restaurant, a regular customer came in every day to sit at a large table and sip coffee for hours. This irritated me because I would lose that table for the morning, and so lose other groups of diners–and their tips. One day, after he had paid his bill, I complained to the other servers just how much he annoyed me. I then turned to find him still standing at the register, silently frowning. Caught and chagrined, I shrugged and said, “Well, you do.” (I still wince.)
~~~~~
I appreciate the art of words, the way they can be crafted into gifts of encouragement, wisdom, or beauty. Words can be used to share compassion, creativity, kindness, instruction, and affirmation. Talented writers use words to compose lyrics or poetry for soothing our spirits and inspiring our souls. Yet–too often–words are not beautiful or uplifting, but hurtful and even hateful. Perhaps through the ease of communicating from a distance (messaging, social media) and the poor example of prominent leaders, there has been an abundance of words that insult, criticize, ridicule, condemn.
These words can be spoken in a moment but are remembered for a lifetime.
A helpful guide that comes to my mind (not often enough) is to remember that my words can extend more than I intend, and to ask myself, “Who else could be listening? Who might read this text? Who is quietly observing me and the words I say?“
And when I consider how far my words could reach, I look to the heavens…
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable to you,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14 (NRSVUE)
Photo by Karen
Bible verse found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
JOY IN THIS MOMENTARY SEASON
At the beginning of April, I changed our home altar from a somber Lenten decor to a springtime theme. Our canvases of dogwood blossoms are lovely, but they cannot compare to the flowering trees in our neighborhood as creation now blooms anew!
Nature is providing timely lessons for me in this season. Every spring the sprouts and blossoms reappear, displaying joy and hope in their fragile flowers and buds. Their blossoming time is fleeting and precious, for soon a springtime wind will carry them away or a morning frost will nip them. Their blossoming time is also natural and necessary, for the abundant fruit and leaves are waiting for their turn to flourish. So, April is inspiring me to celebrate this moment with joy, and to trust that a more abundant fullness will come with my next season.
Winter brought a few physical challenges and in turn, spiritual challenges as well. I often became discouraged by my hip pain, exacerbated by the cold, damp weather and then a mild case of shingles. * My confidence was shaken when I spent the night in an emergency center after I fainted while staying with my daughter and grandsons. I am usually an optimist, but during our prayer time one February morning, I tearfully looked at Jim and admitted my despair.
Now, as I regard the perfect way all of creation is bursting with delicate, colorful, and fragrant beauty–just for this moment–I am trying to regard my own fragile season as precious and fleeting, and to radiate with an inner joy while I wait for my next season. Our lives are filled with personal, seasonal cycles–times to flourish or wait, produce or rest, adapt or heal, lie fallow or grow, mature or refresh, prepare or surrender. Each season can reveal a gift for us if we remain open and observant.
In that hope, I am grateful.
May I celebrate the gifts of this fragile yet beautiful waiting season,
find hope in the new life greening and growing,
scatter daily blessings as blossoms of joy,
let this momentary time teach and inspire,
and await the coming of a new and certain season of growth.
* Thank you for your prayers, Sandy, Kay, and any others who have prayed as I wait for my hip replacement. My spirit is much better these days. I will see the surgeon in two weeks!
A note about the shingles virus:
I had the original shingles vaccine years ago, but not the newer Shingrix vaccine. My case was mild–my rash was only about 1.5″ in diameter–but the shooting nerve pain and fatigue were troublesome. I believe the fainting was most likely caused by the shingles virus in my neck vertebrae. I share this with you in case you are considering the Shingrix. For me, it is a wise choice–and I will get this soon.
(Photos by Karen)
21. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: RISE
EASTER SUNDAY, March 31st
Follow Jesus…
What a wondrous experience this must have been! The two grieving women visit the tomb on that early morning after the Sabbath, only to encounter a dazzling angel who tells them that Jesus is not there–he has been raised from the dead! And as they hurry to tell the disciples, they actually come upon the risen Christ!
to be the best version of myself…
We have reached this glorious Easter day, in which we celebrate how Jesus was raised to life anew–and how his resurrection means that we too, have life anew–and life eternally.
This morning, I imagine myself with the two women. We come to the tomb in deep grief, only to discover that the tomb is empty and there is an angel proclaiming the incredible reason why! But as the women hurry off to tell the disciples, I enter the tomb to pause for a moment…
I sit on the stone where Jesus’ body once was, and I pick up a remnant of the cast-off burial cloth. I look back at the entrance of the tomb, where daylight is beckoning me, where the women are already meeting the risen Christ. But first, I reflect, “What remnants of winter dreariness might I leave behind here, too? What should I cast off, what binds me from living fully and freely in love?”
It is then that I sense his presence… yes, the risen Christ is outside the tomb, but also here, with me and within me. And I can hear him saying, “There is no need to remain in this tomb. You no longer need to pause in the darkness of your imperfection, to scrutinize every scrap of sin. Come with me, embracing the abundant life I offer. You will be transformed in the light of my love, my joy, and my freedom–not in the darkness of your shame or guilt. Rise now and greet this glorious new morning!”
I stand up, and with deep gratitude, I touch the empty stone once more, turn to face the dawn, and joyfully enter the radiant light of day.
for the world.
Risen Christ, Infinite Love,
Because of you I can now
discard these useless, binding cloths,
welcome your presence with me,
rise up to enter the radiant light of life,
and make haste to serve others in love.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for accompanying me through the Lenten, Holy Week, and Easter season. I hope you have been blessed–for you are always a blessing to me.
(Photo by Karen, the dawn of a new day.)
~~~~~
Matthew 28:1-10 (NRSVUE)
After the Sabbath, as the first day of the week was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. And suddenly there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord, descending from heaven, came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning and his clothing white as snow. For fear of him the guards shook and became like dead men. But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has been raised, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples, ‘He has been raised from the dead, and indeed he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him.’ This is my message for you.” So they left the tomb quickly with fear and great joy and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came to him, took hold of his feet, and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers and sisters to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”
20. THE BEST VERSION OF MYSELF: DESCEND
HOLY SATURDAY VIGIL, March 30th
Follow Jesus…
Jesus will spend three days “in the heart of the earth” as this passage describes. Between Jesus’ death on Good Friday until his resurrection on Easter Sunday, we wait… Holy Saturday is a liminal time of quiet waiting, as God works in the darkness.
to be the best version of myself…
In her book, The Humility of God, Ilia Delio, O.S.F., describes the Franciscan perspective that God comes to us because of love, not because of sin. She writes, “The humility of God means that God’s love is so abundant that God is willing to plunge into the darkness of humanity to bring us into the fullness of life.”1
Jesus lived out God’s humble, descending way, from his birth in a lowly manger to his death on a criminal’s cross. He taught about being last, about servanthood: “Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all” (Mark 9:35). He even told the disciples that they would do greater works than he (John 14:12). And Jesus descended into the darkness of the tomb upon his death. His love was always descending, always putting God and neighbor before himself.
for the world.
God, Infinite Love,
Thank you that, through Jesus, you have humbly come to us in love. Through Jesus, you reveal how you are always working to transform us and bring us to new life, even in our darkest times. Work in me today, in this dark and liminal time of waiting. Show me the ways I too, can descend in love for you and your creation. Thank you that today I can wait with hope.
Our reading for tomorrow (Easter Sunday) is Matthew 28:1-10.
1Delio, Ilia. The Humility of God: A Franciscan Perspective. St. Anthony Messenger Press, 2005.
Photo by Majharul Islam on Unsplash
~~~~~
Matthew 12:40 (NRSVUE)
For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the sea monster, so for three days and three nights the Son of Man will be in the heart of the earth.
Simply Soul Searching 