Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
ALACRITY
I came upon this lovely word, “alacrity” this week while reading, Surrounded by Love: Seven Teachings from Saint Francis. Author Murray Bodo, OFM, writes of Francis, “Once he knew God’s will, whether from some mystical voice or from listening to the scriptures, he would immediately try to live it out. He was filled with what theologians called, ‘devotion,’ an alacrity in doing God’s will.”
Dictionary.com defines alacrity as “cheerful readiness, promptness, or willingness; liveliness; briskness.”
Following God’s will usually seems fairly simple to me: love God, love others, trust and follow the ways of Jesus. Because I do feel joy and hope when I serve this way, I am often able to follow God’s will with “cheerful readiness.”
And yet, St. Francis answered God’s call to some challenging trials with that same fervent enthusiasm.
I may long to share the alacrity of Francis, but rarely do I earnestly pray “your will be done” with liveliness or cheerfulness. I feel a sense of surrender, subconsciously adding “even if this will be difficult” or “even if I am disappointed or heartbroken” to my prayer. Because there have been times when I prayed these words with tears and fears. Because I know that Jesus followed God’s will and his life was very difficult. Because I tend to regard this petition as a spiritual obligation to deny myself and pick up my cross (Luke 9:23). And in those rare times when I have sensed a specific call in my life, I may have accepted it willingly and enthusiastically–but also with plenty of fear and doubt.
Perhaps the source of Francis’ alacrity is this other word–devotion. St. Francis was fully devoted to God, and even more, he knew God was fully devoted to him. Seeing their relationship as one of mutual devotion, Francis trusted that God loved him, God’s intentions for him were good, and God would accompany him through every joy and sorrow, blessing and trial.
God has initiated this relationship of mutual devotion with us, so we too, can have an alacrity for doing God’s will. In mutual devotion, God provides partnership, companionship, comfort, encouragement, and direction for every trouble we encounter in this earthly life. When I pray “your will be done,” I can trust that God’s will for us is benevolent. God’s will is hopeful, gracious, and eternal–far beyond my daily trials or sorrows. God’s will is that “…our joy may be complete,” no matter how the day unfolds.
(I am posting my weekly post a few days early.)
Photo by Karen, Hocking Hills, Ohio. This speaks to me of God’s love flowing freely to bring us joy.
A NEW INVITATION
(I had another post ready for this week, but the recent events have suddenly inspired this prayerful poem. May you all feel God’s peace and hope, today and every day.)
I want to write of hope and joy,
and to disregard the strife,
but your invitation comes to me:
I need you to write of life.
I want to walk in gentleness
upon wooded hills with you,
but your voice calls out from noisy throngs:
I need you to walk here, too.
I want to give my life to you,
serve you with all my heart,
but you point out the lost and least:
Right here is where you start.
I want to speak sweet words of love
to those I like to please,
but you turn me ’round to face my foes:
I need you to speak with these.
I want to seek a restful place,
where hate and fear will cease,
but you reach out your hand and say:
I need you to work for peace.
(Photo by Karen, hiking path on Meeks Mountain)
IN THE SMALLEST OF SPACES
Jim and I have recently worshiped in two different church buildings.
The first was a large traditional sanctuary, with stained glass windows and an ornate decor that fostered an atmosphere of majestic reverence. When we sang the hymns, beautiful organ music resounded in the spaciousness, supplementing our individual voices scattered and diminished among the pews.
The second was a small rental space where about twenty of us were closely gathered on folding chairs. This time, our singing was accompanied by lovely music from a portable keyboard. Several of us noted how well our few voices filled the room, how our closeness fostered a deeper sense of community. Both experiences were reverent and meaningful, yet I found that the smaller space did not detract from our worship time but actually enhanced it.
I once again recognized how God’s presence and power are not limited by the size of God’s workspace.
God’s good growth arises from the smallest of seeds. God’s wise insight is revealed in a quiet, fleeting moment. God’s compassion is shared in one simple kindness. God’s healing begins with one timid prayer. God’s wondrous love is shown in one holy and lowly human being.
For every trial and challenge in this life, we can be encouraged and reassured to remember…
God’s infinite goodness can flow from the smallest of spaces.
God can work through our small selves and humble efforts to bring about God’s greater purposes of love and peace. Every individual act of lovingkindness has the potential to bring about greater lovingkindness, because God’s presence unites with and expands the acts of each caring person around the world.
And God’s infinite goodness can fill the smallest of spaces.
God can fill a few quiet moments, an earnest seeking heart, a briefly whispered plea, or a tender confession with the gifts of infinite guidance and immense love. When we open the door of our innermost souls just a bit, God’s wondrous presence can fill us to overflowing.
In every humble, faithful space we offer to God, there is enormous potential–and plenty of room–for God to bring about its higher and holier purpose.
(Photo by Karen)
LEANING
“To those leaning on the sustaining infinite, today is big with blessings.” ~ Mary Baker Eddy
After years of hiking with a bad hip, I grew accustomed to leaning–to the right when I hiked, to the left when I stood in place–in any way that helped ease the pain. My hip has now been replaced and I am largely pain-free, yet I find that I often continue to lean, favoring my bad hip when it is no longer necessary.
Noticing this tendency led me to consider other ways I might be leaning, simply out of habit, comfort, caution, obliviousness, or complacency. Here are just a few…
I lean toward routine, away from spontaneity. I lean toward reading books or listening to podcasts that support my own beliefs and biases and lean away from considering opinions that differ from mine. I lean away from large social gatherings with unfamiliar people. I lean toward seeking God in nature more than in ordinary moments or encounters. I lean toward passivity and lean away from assertiveness, toward insecurity and away from confidence. I lean toward self-determination and away from reliance on others.
In all the ways I lean, it is my hope that I may lean toward the loving ways of God.
May I lean toward kindness, peace, generosity, justice, love, humility, mercy, and graciousness. May I lean away from self-centeredness, pride, closed-mindedness, apathy, criticism, and other ways in which I am not living in love. May I lean into the winds that challenge and test me but can then perfect me. May I lean away from the comfortable ways that entice me, but then keep me distracted and dormant.
And it is my greater hope that if I may lean more fully on God, I will actually walk more uprightly in God.
My child, if you accept my words
and treasure up my commandments within you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding,
if you indeed cry out for insight
and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
and search for it as for hidden treasures—
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
he is a shield to those who walk blamelessly,
guarding the paths of justice
and preserving the way of his faithful ones.
Then you will understand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path,
for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
prudence will watch over you,
and understanding will guard you.
Proverbs 2:1-11, NRSV
(Photos by Karen; Bible verses found at https://www.biblegateway.com/)
OPEN TO POSSIBILITY
Am I doing enough with my life?
Perhaps four weeks out from my hip surgery is not the best time to ask this question! But I have been wondering about this for some time now. Since my time with cancer (nine years ago), I especially regard each day as a bonus day to fill with meaning or purpose. I want to feel as if I am somehow living in a way that is worthy of this gift.
And so, I often ask myself additional questions…
At the end of my life, will I be glad I spent the day this way?
Am I choosing simplicity for my life, or is this really complacency?
Is my aging body preventing me from doing more, or have I grown comfortable with doing less?
Why does my spirit inspire me to action, but the action soon feels daunting?
Are any anticipated or actual obstacles guiding me to abandon this goal, or are they building my faith and trust?
Will there ever come a time when I will know I have done enough?
As much as I would like to honor God with my life, with gratitude and faithful servanthood, in recent years my dreams and inspirations often seem to fade each time I consider acting on them. But today it occurs to me that instead of dwelling on these doubts and questions, I can simply begin with one small act:
I will ask God to help me remain open to possibilities; to be more attentive to any ideas that stir me, inspirations that nudge me, goals that excite me–even thoughts that challenge me–no matter how small or insignificant they seem. This time of life may be a time for rest, refreshment, and reflection. But I can live each restful day with a sense of wonder and expectation, with a spirit of readiness and willingness. I can be peaceful and patient and yet, prepared.
And I will trust that any sacred invitation will arrive at its proper time, revealed by the One who is ready to help me answer the call.
(Photo by Karen)
PRESENT TO ANOTHER’S PAIN
After my hip replacement surgery a few weeks ago, I have been reflecting on pain – not so much my own pain, for mine is the result of elective surgery that will soon lead to a pain-free life – but in sadness for two dear friends who are enduring worse pain, as well as uncertainty as to when relief will come. My pain is bearable and short-term; theirs is not.
I tried to write words of comfort, encouragement, and hope, to somehow ease their pain and bolster their peace and patience for this waiting time. But words were not coming–until I recognized how these two hurting friends demonstrated a most meaningful and helpful source of comfort: supportive companionship. Nancy has sent me notes of hope and joy, rarely mentioning her own pain. Kurt (along with Judy) came to visit and brought this soft blanket arrayed with uplifting words of assurance.
I once heard the quote, “Happiness shared is happiness doubled.” Today I believe that “Pain shared is pain diminished.” Though the actual pain may not be removed or reduced, a certain comfort comes from having someone who cares, who understands and longs to help, who is praying, who is lovingly holding us through our trial.
I am thankful for every person who has been present to another’s pain. Thank you, dear Jim and other friends, for helping me in this time. Thank you, dear readers, for your prayers and words of encouragement through my temporary discomfort. Never underestimate the power of your supportive companionship through your acts of kindness and words of care and concern. Knowing someone is journeying with us, sharing our burdens, helps us to take each next step toward healing.
And I am thankful for God’s vigil-keeping, gentle healing, and yes, supportive companionship for our pain. God provides sustenance for each moment, peace for the present, hope for the future, patience for the waiting, clarity for the confusion. In every struggle, we are being held by a loving power much greater than we can fathom.
May every hurting person cling to that.
May every caring person know that you are the visible reminders, the helpful companions who serve as God’s healing presence for all who are in pain. Thank you.
(Photo by Karen)
CAPACIOUSNESS
CAPACIOUS: Having a lot of space inside; able to include a lot of different things. (Cambridge Dictionary)
This past week, I heard the word, “capacious” several times, so I regarded this as a holy invitation to reflect on this word and let it teach or inspire me…
It seems that capaciousness could be one of the best and truest gifts of our faith. As our love for God increases, as the Spirit inspires, and as our insight deepens, our spirits become more capacious–expanding in openness as well as in capacity.
Having space… Our capacious spirit is able to hold space for more of God, keep room for others, and reduce any nonessentials that impede our faithful living. Trusting that we are beloved, we eliminate what no longer belongs–burdens such as guilt, resentment, envy, fear. Our hearts can become more open–to wonder, to mystery, to expansive thinking, to deeper trust, to more joy and holy delight.
Able to include… Our capacious spirit can then embrace more of life, as we learn to hold dualities together, accept diversity, and welcome the fullness of life with its contradictions, struggles, and mysteries. Our hearts increasingly hold all life and all people together in love. We find true serenity and peace that become visible to others.
One of my favorite spiritual writers, Richard Rohr, OFM, wrote these thoughts about openness–what one could call capaciousness:
To finally surrender ourselves to healing, we have to have three spaces opened up within us – and all at the same time: our opinionated head, our closed-down heart, and our defensive and defended body. That is the summary work of spirituality – and it is indeed work. Yes, it is also the work of “a Power greater than ourselves,” and it will lead to a great luminosity and depth of seeing. That is why true faith is one of the most holistic and free actions a human can perform. It leads to such broad and deep perception that most traditions would just call it “light.” Remember, Jesus said that we also are the light of the world (Matthew 5:14), as well as saying it about himself (John 8:12).
May this word, capacious, guide me to notice when I am closed-minded, hard-hearted, or self-centered; to open my heart for more of God’s goodness. May I be led to look with better awareness, listen with higher understanding, learn with greater humility, love with wider generosity, and live with deeper joy–as one small light of love.
(Reader friends, THANK YOU again for your prayers and good wishes. I had my hip replaced over a week ago, and each day I am feeling stronger. I hope you know how much your support has meant to me.)
Richard Rohr, Radical Grace: Daily Meditations
Photo by Karen
GREATER GIFTS
Heartfelt Gratitude…
For this good earth;
your presence on
the woods, the fields,
the dusk, the dawn,
the blooms, the leaves,
the bird, the fawn.
For bonus years
and precious days,
I am so glad
that I could stay–
more time to laugh
and sing and play.
~~~~~
Inner Contentment…
For inner peace
and quiet soul;
in all the ways
you make me whole.
You help, inspire,
uplift, console.
For joy found
in simplicity.
In you I have
serenity;
in having less,
I’m truly free.
~~~~~
Peaceful Serenity…
For holding me
within your care;
all pain and grief
you help me bear,
and deepest joy
we sweetly share.
For knowing you
are trustworthy.
Your ways may be
a mystery–
but you are for
eternity.
~~~~~
Abiding Love…
For presence that
remains, abounds.
In every place
you may be found
in sight and scent
and taste and sound.
For presence that
surrounds, enfolds
through family, friends,
the ones who hold
your deepest love,
your spirit bold.
~~~~~
These greater gifts
have come from you,
enriching life.
May all I do
reflect your love
with grateful hue.
(Photo by Karen)
OVERLAPPING
When I was a service representative at the telephone company, the importance of “overlapping” was often stressed. This was a time before digital records, so we were strongly encouraged to overlap our paperwork tasks whenever we could. If we were placed on hold during a call, we were to write notices. As we were listening to a customer, we were to file records. Overlapping was the only way to keep up with the administrative tasks on our desks.
Years later, I find that overlapping is a natural tendency for me. Listening to an audio book while I walk… Tidying the kitchen while waiting for our coffee to brew… Clearing my emails while waiting for an appointment. Overall, I find that overlapping is efficient and productive. And yet, I have been known to say that I can’t text and walk (making Jim laugh) and that I can’t think and drive (causing Jim some concern 😉 )!
Of course, we need to be mindful about the extent of our overlapping. We can become distracted and not fully present to important moments; we can endanger ourselves and others (I once saw a driver with a book propped on the steering wheel); we may not accomplish tasks as well as we should. There is a time for intentionally focusing on one thing.
But today, I am thinking about God’s incredible way of overlapping. All of creation is multi-layered, multi-purposed, multi-faceted. For example, the strong maple tree provides cooling shade, delicious syrup, branches for bird nests, glorious autumn color, wood for fires and furnishings, and in the end, nutrients for the soil. To the contemplative, the tree offers seasonal insights, inspires beautiful poems, and displays God’s glory. By simply being a tree, the maple serves abundantly and generously with overlapping gifts.
I sense an invitation for this week–to watch for the ways God is overlapping in my daily living. I wonder how much more of God’s presence I will discover if I look beyond the obvious, seek the deeper significance, watch for the greater purpose, and discern how God’s overlapping ways are revealing the sacred goodness of every moment, every part of this beautiful, fruitful, wondrous life.
But ask the animals, and they will teach you,
the birds of the air, and they will tell you;
ask the plants of the earth, and they will teach you,
and the fish of the sea will declare to you.
Who among all these does not know
that the hand of the Lord has done this?
In his hand is the life of every living thing
and the breath of every human being.
(Job 12:7-10 NRSVUE)
Bible passage found at https://www.biblegateway.com/
Photo by Karen
THEN THERE ARE THESE MOMENTS…
(Some of you may recall that I had been waiting for months to meet with an orthopedic surgeon for a hip replacement. I have so appreciated your prayers and good wishes!)
I finally met with Dr. C., the orthopedic surgeon who will replace my hip. He is gracious, kind, and capable, so I have every confidence in him and this surgery. When he asked if I had a time frame in mind, I requested to have the surgery done before the end of June, if possible. I explained that Jim would then be home on summer break to help me, and our expenses could be included with our current deductible.
Dr. C. then frowned, shook his head, and said, “We are probably looking at six months.” He explained that they had lost two doctors in our area and have been absorbing their patients, but he did offer to add me to the cancelation list. I understood, but I was disappointed–perhaps devastated. I immediately began looking to God for the patience and stamina I would need.
But as he was finishing our conversation, Dr. C. looked at his cell phone and typed a few words. He then said he had received a notification of a cancelation–and he had given the surgery scheduler my name. If the opening had not yet been filled, I would hear from her by the end of the week. A small sob rose in my throat.
And as I walked to my car, I pulled out my phone to text Jim, and found the scheduler already calling! My surgery will be on May 21st. When she heard my grateful and giddy excitement, the scheduler laughed; Dr. C. had told her she would make my day. Oh my, she did! In a matter of moments, so much had changed.
I consider God as Infinite Love, whose presence does not orchestrate life but goes with us through every joy and sorrow. But then I have incredible moments like these, and I wonder if God is indeed arranging small miracles. As I contemplated this in my journal the next day, I sensed God saying…
It is important for you to recognize my loving presence in all of life; to know that I would have helped you cope with the waiting, shared your disappointment, and revealed new insights for this time. But in whatever way this came to be, isn’t it a gift to be thankful? To feel Infinite Love? To believe I arranged a tiny miracle–bringing goodness from this cancelation? To wonder if life is more than it appears to be? To allow for holy mystery?
Oh my, yes, God–what a gift!
(Photo by Karen)
Simply Soul Searching 