Simply Soul Searching

It was a stressful, frantic morning as I prepared to host a community-wide event at our church. Anxiety grew as my morning arrangements weren’t going as smoothly as I’d hoped. My ministry colleague and friend, Darrell, saw my visible stress and quietly asked, “Would you like a non-anxious presence to walk with you?” His companionship and peaceful countenance helped me to work more efficiently and calmly. I appreciated his awareness that, while he couldn’t fix everything, he would help me most by simply NOT reacting; by NOT taking on my stress and anxiety.

Darrell’s non-anxious presence and his ability to remain this way were gifts to me that I remember all these years later.

As I work to remain cancer-free and healthy, I have learned about the work of healthy cells. Healthy cells have an ability known as contact inhibition. When a normal cell comes into contact with other cells, it knows to stop dividing (as if they tell themselves, “Okay, that’s enough, now I will just be”). Cancerous cells lose this ability. They no longer have a system in place to limit and control cell division. When they encounter other cells, they just keep growing and dividing, unabated. By nourishing my cells to remain as healthy as possible, they will be less likely to grow unchecked. My healthy cells do their best work by remaining that way!

How might we serve as healthy cells in this broken, hurting world? How often might we make a difference- by simply being a healthy example in the midst of unhealthy situations? By doing our best to refrain from taking on those unhealthy qualities that often times surround us?

To be and remain a shining light of love in the darkness of hatred.

To be and remain a word of hope in times of despair.

To be and remain a quiet refuge from an otherwise noisy world.

To be and remain a gentle embrace in a harsh and barren atmosphere.

To be and remain a kind response during an angry, volatile conversation.

To be and remain a healing balm instead of a kicking-back reactionary.

To be and remain an understanding friend in the quandary of chaos or confusion.

To be and remain a welcoming embrace for diversity amidst the demands for conformity.

To be and remain a non-anxious presence in stressful, frantic moments.

To be and remain a selfless, generous helper in a world of greed.

To be and remain that faithful companion for the journey.

To be and remain that one healthy cell.

To be the healthy, healing people God envisions us to be, and to remain that way for the good of the world.

I took advantage of this beautiful afternoon to enjoy a long walk around our apartment complex. As I meandered around the buildings and hills, I could see four elementary school children gathered at one corner of the road. They were obviously having a great time, laughing and talking as cars passed.

When I finally approached the group, I saw that they were doing those arm pumps kids love to do, hoping that passing drivers would honk their horns.

So I walked by them on the side of the road, holding my imaginary steering wheel, pushing my  imaginary horn and yelling, “Beep!” out of my imaginary window.

Their surprise turned to excitement as they asked one another, “That counts, doesn’t it?” “That counts!”

So I asked, “Oh, are you keeping track? How many do you have so far?”

They looked around at one another before one young man turned back to me and replied:

“One.”

Yesterday was a frustrating day. I’d planned to update my iPod but couldn’t get it to sync. I had plenty of time to write- but too many thoughts cluttered my mind. Words just would not flow into creative ideas. The rains poured down, so I was unable to keep my usual walking routine. Every day of life is a precious one to be used wisely and abundantly, and so I felt frustrated and discouraged. I had no sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.

But during my quiet reflection time with God this morning, my word for 2017 came to mind. Thrive. My word is thrive, NOT strive. Although strive might be an excellent word for another year, it isn’t my word- my way of being- for 2017.

My agendas and resolutions were beginning to become more of my own striving, and less about my thriving. According to the Word Thesaurus, “strive” is to endeavor, struggle, attempt, try, make every effort, or do one’s best- while “thrive” is to flourish, bloom, grow well, increase, succeed, prosper, or be healthy.

In order for a plant to thrive, the conditions for growth must be right. The seed must lie underground until the temperatures have warmed, the seed has been sufficiently nourished, and its outer shell has softened enough for the sprout to break through. If I am to thrive, I must remain dormant until I am nourished and prepared. I must refrain from forcing an early sprouting before my surroundings are conducive for growth. I must not be too eager to produce and bloom ahead of schedule. The ‘being healthy’ part of thriving is to find the necessary balance between growing and producing, or resting and receiving nourishment. I hope that I will discover the best timing for myself as I observe the seasons and timing for all of God’s creation.

Perhaps my greatest challenge this year is to know when to NOT challenge myself! Oh, this thrive word. I believe it has much to teach me!

One of the gifts of my time with cancer is that life has become more precious. As I relish these days of good health and being cancer-free, I am still quite aware that my health could change at any time. The truth is, no one knows when one’s health may change. We cannot know how long any of us will be on this earth. It’s just that those of us who have weathered serious health issues know from experience how true this is.

Yesterday as I was playing Sudoku on my cell phone, I touched the little question mark button to see how I was doing. I received the words, “Everything is okay. 36 cells to go.” I thought to myself, “Isn’t that so reassuring?” Wouldn’t this be a great button to have for life? Whenever we are feeling stressed or anxious, we could touch the button and receive these words of reassurance: “Everything is okay.”

We DO have such a help in life! God has shown us, especially through Jesus, that no matter what happens in this earthly life, “everything is okay.” God always works for good. God always takes our messes and creates beauty from them. All of our earthly deaths and losses are resurrected in new and glorious ways. I’ve seen God do this many times in my life, resurrecting the deaths and healing the losses along the way. As Julian of Norwich says, “All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”

Everything is okay.

Which brings us to this second sentence: “36 cells to go.” In Sudoku, the progress button also shows us how many cells we have to complete. But there is no progress button for life; no button that shows us how far we have to go. We have no way of knowing the remaining number of our days.

What struck me yesterday is this… while playing Sudoku, once I’ve been reassured that everything is okay, I don’t care how many cells I have left! I rarely pay attention to the number I’m given. Because I am enjoying the game, embracing its challenges, learning along the way, and working toward full completion, I find it truly doesn’t matter how much longer I have to go.

We can face each day of our earthly lives with God’s loving reassurance that everything IS okay. And having that reassurance, we can enjoy each moment of our progress through all of life- with its joys, challenges and opportunities. We can joyfully work toward our full completion, unconcerned about the number of our days.

A few years ago, I was introduced to the idea of choosing a word for each new year. I’ve found that this practice serves as a very helpful guide all year long, sometimes prophetically so! There are several sites on the internet that offer reasons and help for choosing a word. The concept is that one chooses a word that encompasses a desired way of being for the new year.

In 2015, I chose the word, “breathe.” This was the year I became quite ill and my word served as a gift – the reminder to rest, relax, release and simply breathe. This past year my word was “embrace” and I found myself more willing to try new challenges, accept new ways of living, and savor them all.

For 2017, I feel my word is “thrive.” This is a word I chose to use instead of survive as I went through my treatments for cancer. But for 2017, it will be a guide for me to live well and abundantly. In order to “thrive,” I consider how a seedling thrives: I hope to put down roots- to consider West Virginia my new home and to establish community here. I hope to grow- in health, wisdom, and faith in God. I hope to flourish- in order to produce good fruit that will bless others.  Like St. Therese, who spoke of being a “little flower” who gave glory to God simply by “being her little self among all the other flowers in God’s garden,” I hope to glorify God by truly being whom God created me to be.

What might your word be for the new year? How do you see yourself at the end of 2017?

Blessings on your journey!

3. Love Shared From God

Light the candles.