Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
“Through Perils Unknown…” (or even known)
“O God, you have called your servants to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths as yet untrodden, through perils unknown. Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go, but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting us; through Jesus Christ our Lord.” ~ELW Evening Prayer
(Names have been changed to protect privacy.)
When Jim and I first mapped out our walking routes here a few years ago, we were delighted to find a mobile home park on level ground that gave us a reprieve from walking the hills. The park is an older one, and several of the trailers in the park are quite run down and unkempt. I felt a little nervous when I first began walking around that area, but in a short time I felt at ease and comfortable.
Over the past year, I have become a familiar face to many of the residents. Several people now greet me warmly; some have become friends I know by name. I am blessed by Lynn, whose joyful faith in God radiates in her cheerful smile and affection for all people. I am grateful for Rob, who gave me some tips for walking that helped lessen my back pain. He in turn appreciates my prayers for his wife Rita, who has heart trouble.
One of my special friends was Douglas. He acknowledged that years of hard living had destroyed his lungs as he struggled to breathe with the help of an oxygen tank. Douglas was a widower with no family, and I would try to brighten his days by occasionally stopping by to chat. He told me how much my visits meant to him in his long and lonely days, but I was blessed, too.
One cold day in November we sat at his kitchen table while I warmed up a bit (he scolded me for not wearing gloves). I asked Douglas how his spirit was and he just looked a little sheepish. I told him how much God loves us all, no matter what. I am not one to share my faith in conversations with others, so I was surprised by the Spirit’s movement that morning. Maybe I sensed that his remaining life on earth would not be long.
I last saw Douglas on Thanksgiving. I was relieved to know that another neighbor was bringing him a meal later that day. We hugged before I left and I wished him a good day. A few weeks later, I stopped by with Christmas cookies but he didn’t come to the door. Neighbors informed me that he was hospitalized and would be moved to a rehabilitation center. Last week I checked again with a neighbor and was sad to learn Douglas had died the week before. Blinking back tears, I thanked God for Douglas and our short friendship, and the blessings we had both received.
And then there was this…
One morning last week I walked through the mobile home park and was surprised to find one of the trailers and three cars had been wrapped with crime scene tape! Police officers were filling out paperwork and taking photos. I knew the resident’s name, and so I asked one officer if he was okay. The officer looked at me quite seriously and replied, “Well… no one died.” He asked me if I lived in the park. When I explained that I just walk there, his eyes widened and he warned me, “Be careful back here!” His tone and his expression seemed to say that I should have known better.
Perhaps Jim and I began our route naïvely, quite unaware of what goes on in that mobile home park. At times we did notice some activities that made us wonder what might be happening there. But I have received so many blessings- and I have had the opportunity to bless- because of this route we have taken.
“Through perils unknown…” I love this evening prayer. In all of life, we cannot know what lies ahead; there can be dangers or difficulties no matter what we do. We cannot predict what the next step will bring. We cannot guarantee our safety or security as we travel life’s path- and what might we miss if we could? God calls us to venture out anyway, to live life fully and abundantly and especially without fear.
I do not plan to be foolhardy, but I will continue to walk this path, even with its perils known. In between the hidden risks or dangers, there are so many good people. People who need a smile, people who stop to chat, people who need someone to check on them, people who need to know how much God loves them, too. People who also bless my life, people I miss when they are gone. Now I DO know better, but not in the way the officer might believe I should.
In spite of perils that await- whether unknown or known- we can “go out with good courage” on any and every path of life, because we trust this one known certainty: God’s hand is leading us and God’s love is supporting us, no matter where we go.
Naming What We Hope to Notice
On our visit to see Kevin and Kenneth last summer, we discovered that Kenneth likes to floss his teeth often and so he keeps the little floss picks handy throughout the apartment. (He accepted our teasing and laughter with his gracious and gentle nature.) Since then, whenever I see a flossing pick, I think of him and Kevin, and our fun and funny time together. I have been surprised to find SO MANY tooth floss picks when I am out and about!
In the same way, many of you know that when I find pennies on the ground, they serve as reminders that God is blessing me, loving me. Jim and I each keep a jar for the coins we find every year. We then take them to a sorting machine and donate the funds to a good cause. I usually have around $20- $30 in coins! I find lots of pennies simply because I am watchful for them.
We notice what we talk about. Because I named pennies as a sign of God’s love, I pay attention and watch for them when I walk. I smile, thank God, and collect the coins instead of merely passing them by. Because we talked and laughed about tooth floss picks, I now take photos of them to send to my sons; I never would have noticed them before. I have become more aware and alert for these items, and so I find more of them- LOTS of them!
Think of all the good things we might notice if we name them. What if we were to ask God to help us notice certain things each day? We could ask God to help us notice the good in someone… or the blessing in a trial… or a special sign of God’s love… or a word of guidance from scripture or a faithful friend (or even a billboard)… or a reminder not to worry. I believe we would all be surprised. We would see more of God’s work, love and guidance in our lives because we would be more watchful and attentive to God.
We will notice what we talk about. We will hear the One for whom we listen. We will find direction from the One we seek to follow. We will feel the love from the One to whom we open our hearts. We will be amazed by the One who is always present and active in our lives- not because God is suddenly doing more- but because we have opened ourselves to notice more of what God is already doing.
What might you hope to notice today?
The Light in the Valley
These winter months have been quite dreary with clouds and rain. Oh, I have missed the sunshine! In addition, the hills that surround us keep the sun from view until it is quite high above the horizon, so I don’t see the early sunrise when I walk each morning. This photo was taken on a chilly morning when the sun was just beginning to peek over the hills behind me. I was walking in the shadow of the valley, but looking ahead, I could see that I would soon reach the sunshine! The glorious warmth and cheer of bright sunlight would soon flood over me.
As people of faith, we know that the sunshine of resurrection is always before us. We experience that resurrection daily, as the healing light of God turns our tears of sorrow into tears of joy, our trials into triumphs, and our brokenness into wholeness. We have seen how God has transformed the death, loss, pain or guilt of our past and lovingly brought us to new life. We know we will experience a full resurrection when we pass from this earthly life into a new life of great joy and light. The light of resurrection- experienced, witnessed, and anticipated- brings us our hope and joy and peace.
But there are times when even people of faith find themselves walking in “the shadow of the valley,” where the light and life of resurrection seem so very far away. With downcast spirits they trudge though the cold and gloomy darkness, unable to raise their eyes to see the radiant light that will one day bring new life. Caring friends, eager to make everything better, may be tempted to lift their chins, point out the light of resurrection that lies ahead, and assure them they will soon be there. It is in vain; the valley is too dark, the light is too distant, to bring any healing or hope.
Those in the depths of grief or despair need a different type of light for their journey. They need us to serve as a small light in the valley. They need us to bring this light to meet them where they are. This light isn’t the brilliant light of complete resurrection that will one day come. But it is a lamp to guide them ever closer to that day. Being the light of Christ in the valley is to offer the gentle light of comfort and compassion, of silence and stillness, of tenderness and tears, of loving and listening, of grace and guidance. Being the light of Christ in the valley is to bring our little lamp of love to those who are lost in the valley, and walk with them, one step at a time, until we reach that splendid and glorious light, together.
Let God’s Love Be Conspicuous…
(Today I had the privilege of sharing a sermon message at St. John UMC. I offer the message to you now as a reflection for the new year.)
In recent years, these last few days of the year have become treasured times for me. We can still savor the joys of Christmas, as it lingers without the rush of preparations and holiday parties. I like reading by the Christmas tree, eating the leftover treats, and slowing my pace for a few days. And as the New Year approaches, I also like to reflect on the past year- and then to anticipate the new one.
These days offer sort of what we call a liminal space; they are like a threshold between two rooms- as we stop to pause between what was… and what is yet to come.
When I look back over the year that has passed, I always find many reasons to celebrate; I remember lots of joys and even some small victories; I recall wonderful moments of blessing and some surprising ways that God has worked in my life. And as you might remember, I see each year as another special gift, a bonus year of life.
But, looking back can bring sadness or disappointment, too. I grieve for difficult circumstances, or losses that seemed unbearable at the time. I regret that I didn’t reach some goals I had set or accomplish all of the plans I had made. I cringe at the mistakes and missteps I made along the way, when I let my selfish will override God’s perfect will. I recall times when I didn’t trust, when I didn’t remain patient, when I didn’t seek understanding, or when I didn’t react with a loving heart…
Each year presents us with a mixture of blessing and loss, rejoicing and regretting, joys and sorrows, doesn’t it?
So our celebration of Christmas comes at the perfect time. In this threshold of the holiday season, these days between the old year and the new, we can rejoice that Jesus, God’s gift of perfect love, has come to live among us and within us even now! When we pause in this liminal space, this threshold between two years, we can see that it is glowing with the love of Christ given to us at Christmastime.
Because of Christmas, we can understand that all of the joys and blessings of 2018 have generously come from God.
Because of Christmas, we can be relieved that our mistakes and regrets of 2018 have been mercifully removed and forgiven by God.
Because of Christmas, we can recognize that all of our trials and sorrows of 2018 are being tenderly healed by God.
Because of Christmas, we can anticipate 2019 with all the joy, hope, peace and love that freely flows from God.
Now let’s look ahead to that new room, that new year that is before us. As we make new year resolutions, we might ask ourselves, “How will we live as followers of Christ in 2019? How will we live with the joy, hope, peace and love of God in our souls?”
Earlier this year, Kyle (our youth director) gave a sermon message that has really stuck with me. At the end of our worship time, he blessed us with the words, “Let God’s love be conspicuous in our lives.” The word, conspicuous means to be obvious, noticeable, striking, or visible. This has had me wondering- how might we live so that people will visibly and obviously – conspicuously- see God’s love in 2019?
It seems that (our reading for today) Colossians 3:12-17 gives us the perfect answers.
12. As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved…
Paul describes the Colossians as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved. We can claim this description is for ourselves, too. Wouldn’t this be a beautiful way to begin each day in 2019?
Through the grace of God alone, we can awaken each morning with the understanding that we are chosen, holy, and dearly loved by God. No, we are not perfect or sinless. God still calls us holy and beloved because God is God, and through Christ, we are shown just how much God loves us as God’s children. Just think how we might live this new year differently if we see ourselves as such, as God’s holy and beloved people. If we center ourselves on that love, if we know at the core of our being that yes, we are holy and beloved, we may find that we can more readily live as God’s love in the world. We center in God’s love, and we move out from there to share that love with others.
12b. …clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.
If God’s love is to be conspicuous, we are to become less conspicuous! God’s love is not made conspicuous by clothing ourselves with any physical adornments. We may wear a cross, or we may have a Bible verse bumper sticker, or we may carry a Bible with us. And these are ways we might show that we love God, but they do not show God’s love itself. God’s love does not need our personal image in any way. With the precious knowledge that we ARE beloved and holy, we no longer consider our own image, but we actually turn our attention away from ourselves and onto God and others.
These words- compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience- all speak to us of putting others before us. They instruct us to set our egos aside in order to make God’s love readily visible. We trade our selfishness for compassion, our criticism for kindness, our pride for humility, our power for meekness, and our willfulness for patience. We become a kind and gentle presence that sees God and others as first and important. People see less of us, because we are pouring love and attention onto them. We become less… and God’s love becomes more.
13. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
If God’s love is to be conspicuous, and if we are God’s holy and beloved people, we are to live as such, together. And so we must bear with one another. Bearing with one another means we all need to put up with one another- our flaws, our quirks, and our unique ways (Jim and I choose to call our flaws “adorable”). We are also to bear one another’s burdens. We are in this together. And in those times when one of us hurts another, we must forgive, because we know how much we have been forgiven. This Body of Christ, St. John UMC, is made up of a wide variety of people, with different gifts and spirits and attitudes. And every single one of us is needed here.
We as the people of St. John will make God’s love conspicuous- especially to those who do not yet know of this love- by how we live and serve together in this faith community. If people witness the love and care we have for one another, if they notice that no one is gossiping or complaining about another, if they see us listening and encouraging and serving together, and especially if we welcome them to join us, they will know: “These people must love God- see how they love each other!”
14. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
There is a definition of the word, integrity that I really appreciate. Merriam Webster’s one definition of integrity is: the quality or state of being complete or undivided. As God’s holy and beloved ones, our integrity would be complete and undivided love. Totally and consistently throughout our being. Paul says, “Above all, clothe yourselves with LOVE.” Paul invites us to have this integrity, this complete love of God, inside and out. Our integrity as beloved children of God becomes our loving way of living. Love binds everything together in perfect harmony, or perfect integrity. We will walk as God’s love- within us, through us, and over us.
15. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful.
Peace and thankfulness go hand in hand. When we fully trust that God has us, that God loves us completely, we are able to see ALL of life as gift. When we surrender our lives to the God who loves us more than we love ourselves, we have the peace of God even during the trials and the challenges that come our way. In this peace, we find that we can be grateful. On the other hand, dear Grandpa Bob always said, “If you are thankful every day, you will have a happy life.” We can find a reason to be thankful in spite of our circumstances, because we have God, who will heal, comfort, redeem, and restore. In being thankful, we discover we also have peace and even joy.
16. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God.
We do not do faith alone. We need one another- for study, worship, mentoring, and serving together. There are times when Jim and I worship at another church when we are traveling. The service may be beautiful. But it is not the same. We need relationships, we need to live and serve in a faith community in order for our worship to thrive. We need to come together in forgiveness and joy, we need to share a meal together, we need to stand with one another in praise, we need to pray for one another, and we need to love and serve our God by loving and serving one another.
On Christmas Eve, Pastor Michael reminded us that God used inconspicuous people, places, and times to bring forth an incredible gift, the gift of Jesus. God does this still today. God uses humble people who long to serve, with our small acts of kindness, with our trusting obedience borne out of love, to create incredible goodness. We may never be a missionary in a foreign country, or a nationally recognized evangelical speaker, or a well-known Christian author. But we are to do something. If God’s love is to be conspicuous in our lives, we are to do what we can.
And verse 17 tells us how to do so.
17. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
In this new year, may we all make God’s love conspicuous, whatever we do.
An Unprepared Advent #5: And Still He Comes
Life has been rich and full and busy- with new ministries, a new granddaughter on the way, visits to Toledo and Little Mountain, working long and full days, attending and hosting seasonal events, and preparing for Christmas. All of these have been wonderful blessings, things we are delighted to have done. But I have missed my usual Advent traditions of writing daily blogs, sending Christmas letters, and even walking and reflecting each morning. I hurriedly baked cookies yesterday- and my haste was evident in the results. Christmas is here, and I feel so “Unprepared,” which seems to be my daily theme for Advent this year.
On Sunday morning, I was sitting next to my friend, Elaina, and as we waited for the worship service to begin, we were discussing how we weren’t feeling ready for Christmas at all. We were still scrambling to get everything prepared, and our souls were feeling “scrambled,” too.
But then… our talented and uplifting music team began our worship with “Oh Come, All Ye Faithful” and our voices joined in with glorious celebration. My eyes filled with tears, my soul warmed and softened, and my voice sang out with deep gratitude and joy. I turned to Elaina, and her surprised delight was obvious, too. No, we weren’t ready. But ready or not, Jesus was coming anyway!
We can be totally Unprepared. Still, Jesus comes.
Love has come, Love still comes, Love always comes, to our broken or busy or burdened hearts.
So come now, one and all. Come- let us adore Him!
Happy holidays, dear ones.
And the Darkness Shall Not Overcome It (An Unprepared Advent #4)
In his devotional book, Preparing for Christmas, Richard Rohr writes,
“The darkness will never totally go away… the darkness isn’t going to disappear, but as John’s Gospel says, the light shines on inside of the darkness, and the darkness will not overcome it… Our Christian wisdom is to name the darkness as darkness, and the Light as light, and to learn how to live and work in the Light so that the darkness does not overcome us.”
I needed to read Richard’s words. In these days of political, social and religious division, the ongoing tragedies of poverty, hunger and illness, and the hatred, oppression and injustice that still impact too many people, I could easily despair. The darkness of these troubles in the world- and my helplessness amid these troubles- frustrate, grieve and overwhelm me at times.
Understanding that the darkness always has been- and always will be- actually comforts and relieves me. Richard’s words tell me that I don’t need to take on the entire world. No one has ever been able to turn the world into a giant sphere of love on which people share and care for the earth and one another. Nor will I. But this does not mean that I shouldn’t do what I can. Instead, I can refrain from saying with a helpless shrug of my shoulders, “If only I could…” and begin saying with a determined and willing spirit, “Here’s what I can do…”
The light shines on inside of the darkness…
We are called to walk in and through the darkness. We cannot turn our heads, or deny the problems because they make us uncomfortable, or believe our efforts would be futile and just give up. We are called to walk with and serve those in need; to stand up against injustice and to speak for the oppressed; to work for understanding and unity as peaceful people in times of great division.
…and the darkness will not overcome it.
We are called to keep shining with the light of God’s love, while not letting the darkness overcome us. We cannot let our lights dim in the darkness or flicker in the bleakness of the troubles of the world. We cannot let the negativity, gossip, anger, hatred, neglect, despair or apathy of those around us to become our own. When we bear the Light of Christ, especially while we are walking in and through the darkness, the Light will shine more brightly for others to see.
May we never believe that the darkness is so great that we stop being that one small light of love. In John 16:33, Jesus said to his disciples, “I have told you these things, so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble.” We WILL have trouble! But he then continues, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” We WILL NOT be alone!
Richard Rohr adds, “We must wait and work with hope inside of the darkness- while never doubting the light that God always is- and that we are, too. That is the narrow birth canal of God into the world- through the darkness and into an ever greater light.”
In this northern hemisphere, this is the season when the night settles in earlier each day. Driving home in the darkness, I am filled with joy by the Christmas displays and lights that brighten my route. Most days I am happy and content. But even on the days when I am weary, discouraged, anxious or overwhelmed, the festive and colorful displays remind me of the goodness of Christmas… of God’s love shown to us in Jesus… of the Light that will always shine, even in the deepest darkness. THIS is the Light of love, hope, joy and peace that we can carry to brighten the lives of others.
Keep shining, dear friends, keep shining.
Excerpts: Rohr, Richard. Preparing for Christmas. St. Anthony Messenger Press. Cincinnati OH 2008
An Unprepared Advent #3: In “A Different Light”
As I waited in the service area for an oil change, a young mom with her two small sons caught my attention. She was well-prepared for their time of waiting, and she offered them small toys, books, patient answers, and a loving lap on which to sit. The boys were enjoying themselves so much that when their car was ready they didn’t want to leave- even with the promise of lunch at their favorite restaurant! This young family helped me see “waiting time” in a different light…
It was late autumn and I was lamenting the fact that our pin oak trees were clinging to their leaves for far too long. The street sweepers would soon be making one last clean-up for the season! I wanted the leaves down and gone, so that our lawn would look nice for the winter. But one day I was chatting with my neighbor, Kathy, and she reverently said, “I just love these pin oak trees. They add such a lovely brown color to the winter whites and grays.” Kathy helped me see the beauty of those stubborn trees, and now I appreciate pin oaks in a different light…
My daughter Jennie was caring for a precious and adorable five year old, Cara, while her parents played a softball game on a hot summer day. Little Cara needed to use the portable toilet set up at the edge of the field. Jennie waited outside, very concerned. The booth was terribly hot and foul-smelling from the summer heat, and Jennie could imagine how uncomfortable she could be! But from inside the booth, Cara’s soft little voice was heard: “It’s so warm and cozy in here!” Dear Cara helped us see even this situation in a different light!
One of the best gifts of our faith is that Jesus has shown us how to view life in a different light: the light of God’s love. When God’s love illuminates our lives, we are enabled to see the beauty and the good in all circumstances. In times of trial, we can feel God’s strength. In times of grief, we can know God’s comfort. In times of despair, we can trust God’s help. In times of happiness, we can share God’s pleasure. In times of abundance, we can appreciate God’s generosity.
Journeying through life with the “different light” of God’s love, we are able to see the deeper meanings, the significant lessons, the inner beauties, and the hidden jewels within. Living in this different light of faith is a precious gift in which we find our peace, hope, joy and love.
Perhaps that not only is our best gift, but also our best witness for others… living as people of the Light. Seeing life as an incredible experience of God’s pure love. Pointing out the beauty or noticing the gifts that may be hidden under “normal” light conditions. Understanding how our lives- with all of the trials, joys, challenges and beauty that we experience- have significance and deeper meaning. Revealing the inner good and beauty to those who cannot see it in themselves. Embracing everything with a heart of gratitude.
Brightening the lives of others as people who walk in the light of God’s love.
The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who lived in a land of deep darkness—
on them light has shined.
(Isaiah 9:2)
An Unprepared Advent #2: When There are No Alternate Routes
After living in Toledo for almost 60 years, I was accustomed to having alternate routes available when I drive. The landscape is flat in northwest Ohio, so most of the roadways are organized into neat, square grids. Detours are merely a matter of turning a few times and taking a new route in the same general direction. I could navigate my way around most of the obstacles I encountered.
Here in Hurricane, WV, there aren’t as many alternate routes. We live among the hills and creeks, which necessitate winding roadways with few easily available exits. When I encounter trouble on the road, I’m unable to navigate around it. At times I must creep along slowly with many other drivers as we head to our destinations. Other times I must stop to wait until the road becomes clear again. There are even times when I need to turn around and go back the way I came.
I’ve had a few insights about myself as I travel these roads. The first is that I must use the restroom before leaving home! 😀 More importantly, I have noticed that I can become obsessed with reaching my destinations (or achieving my goals). With my prepared plans in place, I become determined to follow and fulfill them as quickly and efficiently as possible, so that I can soon be on my way to my next pursuit. I become quite frustrated when these plans are interrupted- when my forward progress slows, or moves in fits and spurts, or idles, or sometimes even backtracks.
As always, God is blessing me with the lack of alternate routes. The curving roads among the hills have become significant reminders that I am not in control; that I cannot always take the easy way home. I am learning to respect the limits and extra time that my routes dictate for me. I am noticing some precious gifts that these limits offer, such as learning to surrender, to slow my pace, to accept what is, and to make the most of these idle times.
What if our road of life isn’t really meant for moving forward, going the distance, or reaching our goals? What if our road of life is meant to be traveled with a sense of adventure, as we wander and discover more about ourselves and God along the way? When our pace is dictated by our circumstances and lack of options, perhaps that too, is all goodness, all gift. Perhaps our “progress” is not whether we are swiftly and efficiently moving forward, but whether we are patiently and readily remaining on the only route we have; all the while trusting that God is using this route to perfect us- according to God’s perfect pace and direction. Not ours.
Hurricane Creek Road is one of those ‘long and winding roads’ I often drive. This week as I meandered down this road, I marveled at the frosty mist rising from the creek. I came around a bend and was surprised to see the sun cresting over the hilltops. Houses were nestled in the valleys, smoke circling up from chimneys. The barren trees added a beautiful gray background to the golden carpet of their discarded autumn leaves. Christmas music was softly playing. My heart was totally filled with joy and awe at the scene surrounding me. The hills were enveloping me, inviting me to snuggle in with them, into the heart of my new home.
How could I not rejoice?
You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11
An Unprepared Advent
Each year around the first part of October, I eagerly begin considering ideas and themes for my Advent devotional blogs. I love to write devotions, especially in Advent! This creative, prayerful practice helps prepare my heart for Christmas and the Spirit of Christ. Writing daily Advent devotions has become my cherished tradition, one that blesses me richly.
But this year, I struggled. There were many hours when I sat before my computer, trying out “templates” for different themes. Each time I would soon become stymied in the writing of them. I became frustrated, even desperate at times. What would be my theme that would connect all 25 devotions? I have previously used alphabetical words, lectionary readings, Advent themes of hope, love, joy and peace, and last year, the theme of Light. I tried all of these- and even some new ideas- but soon felt both empty and overwhelmed.
A few weeks ago I tried again. Nothing. In fact, I thought to myself, “I’ve got nothing.” I sadly and tearfully surrendered. I decided to forgo my writing tradition for this season.
And then it happened. When I fully realized, “I’ve got nothing,” my heart opened to God saying, “But I have everything.” A tremendous peace came over me. I was free of the burden. I wasn’t supposed to ask God to bless the writing of MY theme, but to ask God to bless my writing of GOD’S theme. I was to stop asking God to help me create and instead, ask God to help me notice what God is creating- within me and around me. After all, isn’t God the best, true Creator?
This year, I plan to have “An Unprepared Advent.” My hope is to release any of my themes, ideas, or goals for my Advent experience, and to allow God to reveal what God would like to show me. I hope to live this Advent with an unprepared heart, simply observing what God might reveal each day. I will not concern myself with daily writings, but write when the Spirit moves me.
When I consider the Bible stories surrounding the birth of Jesus, it becomes obvious to me that no one was prepared! Surely Mary never dreamed that she would carry God’s son. Surely Joseph never dreamed that he would encounter an angel of encouragement. Surely the shepherds were surprised and astonished at the angels’ news. Surely the inn keeper would have prepared a room if he had known God’s son was coming. I imagine even the animals were quite surprised. Jesus birth came at a very inconvenient and unexpected time for all involved, but God’s prepared plan was completed in God’s perfect timing.
Advent has been a time for us to prepare our hearts to receive the Christ child once again. But maybe we should totally “unprepare” our hearts! Let’s open ourselves to be surprised. Let’s pay attention to what God is doing, with less attention to our own agendas. Let’s open ourselves for God to freely (and surprisingly?) work within us.
I will forever cherish that moment. In fully realizing, “I’ve got nothing,” my heart was emptied and opened for God’s everything to pour in. That painful surrender led to incredible freedom. Knowing that God has everything I need gives me hope for all of Advent- and all of my days.
I will thank God for this when I light the candle of hope on Sunday evening.
Advent blessings, everyone.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 (NRSV)
Those “Unknown” Sins
I dropped a tissue on my walk the other day. (Exciting news, right??) As usual, noticing the dropped tissue began my new contemplation… 🙂
Often on my daily walks I will pick up trash along the way. I figure that even if I only pick up one piece a day, at the end of the month I will have cleared thirty. I love caring for the earth. I love making my path cleaner and more beautiful. So you can imagine my dismay when I was returning on the path I had walked earlier- and found one of MY tissues on the ground! It must have fallen out of my pocket when I had reached in for another.
I was reminded of this confession from The Book of Common Prayer:
Have mercy upon us, most merciful Father;
in your compassion forgive us our sins,
known and unknown,
things done and left undone;
and so uphold us by your Spirit
that we may live and serve you in newness of life,
to the honor and glory of your Name…
Most of my sins seem quite obvious to me! But maybe our unknown sins are like that tissue I dropped.
Of course I don’t believe that accidentally dropping a tissue is a sin, as unsightly as it is. But the tissue reminds me that I can feel self-righteous about being quick to notice and fix another’s ‘trash’ while not seeing my own. Or that I can feel judgmental about someone else’s ‘litter’ without knowing how or why it happened. Or that I can have a feeling of superiority (I would never litter!) when I am so imperfect- especially in ways I might not see.
We are all walking this path together. Each of us has our own trash- the stuff that isn’t pleasing or beautiful. Once in a while that trash comes out, whether known or unknown to us. The tissue is a reminder that we are all called to make this world a more beautiful place. But to keep bearing in mind that there will be times when we too will need someone to clean up after us, whether we know it or not! Perhaps in doing so, we could all begin to walk this path with a little more grace, a little more understanding, and a greater spirit of teamwork. Walking in love and cleaning up messes together, our journey can become a way of living and serving God “in newness of life.”
Simply Soul Searching 