Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
Five Minute Friday (But Posted Sunday): People
(I am posting late- had a busy weekend- but this is from Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday prompt. The link is under her prompt photo. Thank you, Kate and fellow writers!)
The People of Thursday, July 2…
Jim and I leave home early to drive 5 hours north. We don our masks for the rest stops. We learn to recognize the smiles of others by the way their eyes sparkle.
This is our daughter’s 25th birthday. We meet her for a picnic lunch and a short hike at an area park. We catch up on the news of her life as we keep our safe distances from one another.
Next, we stop to see my sister for a brief but lively conversation. We sit across the room from her. She shares her always-warm hospitality and we drink sparkling waters.
Finally, we see my elderly mom through the glass doors in the hallway of her assisted living residence. We place our palms with hers on opposite sides of the window, silently expressing the touch we long to share. We talk on the phone and watch her open early birthday gifts. We stand and watch as she makes her way back to her room. Tears flow.
Later we check into a small bungalow for an overnight stay.
The small photo on the table reads,
“Distance means so little when someone means so much.”
(Week 1) What am I missing?
(One day each week as I take my morning walk, I am inviting Jesus to walk along with me, then asking him a question that comes to mind. If you haven’t already done so, I encourage you to take a few moments to read yesterday’s post, Can I Ask You Something, Jesus? (Introduction), for a more detailed explanation.)
My first question for Jesus was one that has weighed on me in recent years, this beyond-middle-age time of life.
“What am I missing, Jesus? I mean, what am I missing that YOU would want me to have?”
Karen,
I would want you to have the serenity of my love, and the certainty of me…
I want you to have the serenity that comes from knowing you are beloved, and so be able to go forth in confident peace, with all of the fullness of you, no matter what the future holds. I want my love to provide you with the serenity to take those courageous steps in becoming your true self- without regard for results or successes, without concern for opinions or reactions. I want my love for you to be your true guiding light.
I want you to have the certainty of me when you write of me. I want you to be able to write of the things I show you, even when they seem absurd or unbelievable. I want you to be so certain of me that you no longer worry about whether people will believe you. I want you to write what you hear me saying and stop questioning whether they are your words or mine.
I want you to be so certain that I am here, I am working, I am active, that you could write a blog of me that seems crazy enough to scare or intimidate you- but you will feel compelled to write it anyway (like this conversation). To write of something so beyond yourself that you must fully trust it is I, working in you.
You understand that I don’t orchestrate or control people, and instead allow your free will. This is true. But as you open to me, I DO move in your life. I make you more aware and receptive to the gifts around you. For you as a writer, I offer podcasts, Bible passages, friends, books, and thoughts for your inspiration. For your growing areas, I offer wisdom from mistakes, small nudges to action, twinges of guilt for correction, and peaceful feelings to guide your discernment. Your needs are always, always answered. You have only to notice them.
Why do you feel the need to qualify the things that you hear me say? Why do you worry that people might think you are crazy to be hearing from me? If you are truly sure of me, you would have no doubts. Why do you invite my movement and then discount it? You say that you “think” or you “sense” or you “seem like you heard” me. When you hear me, say that you heard me.
I know you are concerned that if you write about what you hear me say, you may sound prideful or privileged, as if you claim to have this unique gift. But trust me… you don’t have any gift beyond or better than anyone else. I’m moving in everyone. You are ordinary. You are beloved. And so is everyone else. This is the invitation you are to extend to others today; to know that I am here, I am loving, I am working in new and surprising ways. In everyone.
And remember… the truth that I reveal in or through you may not be another’s truth. But it IS your truth, your truth in me.
So Karen, what are you missing?
Can you write what I have said to you today? Even more, can you LIVE what I say to you?
Can you live each day in the serenity of being loved by me, fully trusting in the certainty of me? To go out with courage, with joy, with peace…
without a doubt?
(Photo by Karen, taken on a morning walk)
Can I Ask You Something, Jesus? (Introduction)
“Are you ready? May God come alongside you in the silence, weighty and strong, head bowed next to you with respect, ready to sit for a moment. May you not demand an answer but be content with his presence, listening to his heart of love.”1
I was on my morning walk when Emily Freeman extended this invitation during her podcast, The Next Right Thing. Spending quiet time with God is not an unusual practice for me, but this time I chose to envision Jesus walking beside me in the silence. Instead of offering my thoughts and words to a loving but invisible presence, I now had this sense of Jesus as an actual (though indistinct) human presence close to me, ready to listen and to speak. My journey suddenly felt more personal, intimate. I felt both deeply honored and deeply humbled that someone so holy and amazing would draw near to me.
When I have imagined one day seeing Jesus, I picture myself asking him all sorts of questions. But on that morning, as I felt him next to me, loving me, I had no questions, no words at all. We walked on in my uncomfortable and awkward silence as I took in the wonder of his presence. I noticed that even without words, I felt his comfort, peace and friendship touching my soul.
This went on for a mile or so, until I remembered my plan to ask Jesus questions when we meet in eternity. Hey… why not ask Jesus the questions NOW? I decided to designate one day each week to walk with Jesus at my side, keep silent companionship until a question comes to mind, and then ask him “directly”!
My upcoming weekly blog series will include each question I have asked Jesus and the answers- if any- I receive. (I hope to post each Wednesday.)
In this current process of asking and writing (now in my third week), I have found some of the answers to be quite personal, humbling, and revealing, and so I feel some discomfort to share them with you. But I hope they offer you some insights and blessings for your own journeys. I appreciate your prayers for these walks and for these questions. Thank you, dear friends.
1https://emilypfreeman.com/podcast/the-next-right-thing/58/
(Photo by Karen, taken on a morning walk)
Five Minute Friday: Compromise
I am uninspired as I read the prompt for this week’s Five Minute Friday.1 “Compromise” is the word for the day. Nothing comes to mind. In fact, I find myself disappointed, perhaps even a bit annoyed that I didn’t receive a more inspiring or fun word to contemplate, a word that coincides with my thoughts in recent days.
No, I just won’t do this one.
And isn’t compromise an irritating word? Someone has to make a sacrifice. No one gets exactly what they want.
But does someone gain a portion of what they want if I concede some of what I want? Are we better off sharing and releasing some of our wishes, instead of standing apart, choosing sides, refusing to budge? What do we gain if no one gives or takes?
And so today I write.
Thank you, God, for this humbling lesson about my own self-interest, my own stubbornness. Free me from my selfish stances. Keep me from digging in my heels and instead, help me to step out always with your love and grace.
1https://fiveminutefriday.com/2020/06/25/fmf-writing-prompt-link-up-compromise/
Dear Readers,
I have been working on a new blog series which will begin next week, “Can I Ask You Something, Jesus?” I pray that these will bless your spiritual journey, and I appreciate your prayers as well!
Five Minute Friday: Worth
God, help me to remember that my worth is found in your loving gaze.
Much like the ragged but beloved stuffed animal, you behold me as a treasure, no matter how worn and weary I may feel.
Much like the photo of a precious and tender moment in time, you delight in my goodness even amid my ordinary or dreary days.
Much like the faces of those I hold dear, you light up with love and joy each time I seek your presence.
From the moment I was given birth,
You are the One to give me my worth.
Thank you.
Five Minute Friday: How
Thanks again to Kate Motaung and the FMF Community for these Friday inspirations! If you are interested in participating, simply follow the link under the image.
This week’s prompt is HOW.
HOW…
How do I best serve you, God? How do I know what will please you the most? How can I discern whether I am truly following your will, letting you lead me, and doing all that I am called to do?
Love me with all your heart. Love others generously and genuinely.
Thank you, God, I know these words of Jesus. I will try my best to heed them. But is there more I should know or do? How should I live my life?
Love your life, too.
Live each day in gratitude, for each breath is a gift. An obedient, pleasing life is not contingent on the particular paths you take, but that all of your life paths- whether planned, unexpected, or rerouted- are savored as precious journeys. It is not the direction you go, but how you take each step. For every step is bringing you closer to people who need your love and mine.
Every step is drawing you closer to me.
An Encouraging Word #10: Respite
Our last word of this “Encouraging Word” series is respite.
Merriam-Webster describes respite as: “a period of temporary delay; an interval of rest or relief…”
The other day I started my walk a little earlier because I had a full day ahead. Our week has been hot and muggy, but at 6:00 there was a refreshing coolness still lingering. I enthusiastically ventured out, breathing in the crisp morning air and enjoying the cozy warmth of my soft sweatshirt. The sun created long shadows across the lawns with its perfect golden-yellow light. Birds seemed to be relishing the coolness, too, as they chased and ate and sang. A gentleman from the neighborhood raised his coffee mug to greet me as I passed by.
It was one of those moments when all was right with the world.
I thanked God for that time, an hour when I felt nothing but joy and gratitude. I could now face my day- and the personal concerns within my day, and my worries for the world in recent days- feeling sustained and uplifted with renewed faith. The heaviness of these months becomes more bearable when we are buoyed by these precious, glorious moments of respite.
I wonder if sometimes we make the idea of finding respite harder than it is. By its definition, respite is only a temporary escape, an “interval of rest or relief” in the midst of our burdens or situations. Certainly we are blessed when we are able to have days away, or vacations, or sabbaticals; but these small moments of respite can offer refreshment, clarity, peace and rest during our busiest schedules. When we cannot completely escape our worries and responsibilities, a few minutes of respite provide nourishing pauses for the long haul.
Jesus gives us an example of this in Mark 6. He invites the disciples to come away and rest, but pauses only for a moment because the people need him…
The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things. Mark 6:30-34 (NIV)
Jesus doesn’t seek a month-long leave of absence. He uses each available moment for quiet rest before continuing to love, heal, teach and serve- so many people!
Whatever nourishes us can serve as a respite for our souls. Respite doesn’t need to be stillness. When I grow numb from writing, I find new creativity by doing a simple task or craft project. Respite can be found in doing artwork, reading, gardening, movie watching, playing sports. Any activity that takes us from the burdens or challenges that weigh us down can serve as a source of respite.
Respite moments can be-
A few minutes of rest for an overloaded schedule.
A few minutes of silence for a mind cluttered by noise.
A few minutes of stretching for a long day at the desk.
A few minutes of conversation for a troubled and introspective soul.
A few minutes of meditation for confused and muddled thoughts.
A few minutes of prayer for a worried countenance.
A few minutes of peaceful music for a grieving heart.
Respite times can replenish us, calm us, invigorate us, center us, strengthen us, and connect us with the One who helps the most. What might you need a respite from today?
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“Don’t respite for the right time… halt for the moment.” ~Subhradeep Santra
This prayer by Dr. Mark Rowe on Thrive Global is a perfect one for our days, for this time…
As a medical doctor working at the frontline of this pandemic here in Ireland, I would like to share a poem I wrote. Stay safe and stay strong this too shall pass.
Soul Breath
May the breath of your soul be your wisdom guide,
May the beacon of your soul bring respite inside;
May you bring presence to all that you do,
May care and compassion be that which is you;
May you have the gift of wisdom and staying awake,
May each dawn bring new promise not to forsake;
And dusk find you grateful for the helter-skelter
May night bring serenity and security of shelter;
As day turns to night, and month turns to year,
May the passing of time bring you no fear;
Each day you toil, as life’s depths take their toll,
May love and light bring breath to your soul.1
God bless you and keep you!
1https://thriveglobal.com/stories/soul-breath-poem/
Definition of respite found at merriam-webster.com
Bible verses from BibleGateway.com
Quote by Subhradeep Santra found on Pinterest.com
Photo by Karen on the morning of her respite walk.
An Encouraging Word #9: Motivation
Today’s encouraging word is motivation.
The Google dictionary describes motivation as “the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.”
Last week I was out on my morning walk when a sudden cloudburst began to drench me. Fortunately, the weather was warm so I continued my walk with a good spirit. But a few minutes later my friend Diana happened to drive by, her umbrella extended out the window for me. This simple act of kindness warmed my soul- and inspired today’s post.
As I have written before, we can never be certain whether our actions will make much of an impact or lead to our desired outcomes. A small act of kindness can blossom into so much more. A huge endeavor may disappoint or fail. The outcomes of our efforts are not guaranteed.
Maybe the significance of our actions should not be measured by the size of their impact, but from the motivation behind them. I am reminded of the words of Jesus about the widow’s offering of a few copper coins: “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others… she, out of her poverty, put in everything…” (Mark 12:43-44). Her impact was small. Her motivation was immense.
Diana’s small gesture made a big enough impact to write about her here. Her small gesture inspired my thoughts for today. Did she intend to inspire me or prompt me to write or do anything more than keep me dry? No. She simply saw a friend in need and lovingly responded with what she had to offer. Her motivation was to be kind. Her act blossomed into so much more, but her motivation was her God-serving kindness and care for others.
The reasons we are moved to do something can either be self-serving or God-serving. Why do we do the things we do? Is it time to take an inventory of our actions, to revisit the things we do and discern whether our motives are pure? Do our acts of goodness have the integrity of purpose? Are we serving and acting genuinely out of love for God and one another?
Here are a few of my inventory questions…
Do I always write out of my sole desire to humbly share God’s love in new ways, or do I inwardly hope to be a successful or “famous” book author one day? Do I spend time in contemplation in order to deepen my loving relationship with God, or do I really hope to glean some insights for my writing?
Is my anger a righteous anger that leads me to work for healing and justice? Or is my anger a resenting and festering anger, a reaction to a hurt or an injustice that wants to strike back?
Am I kind to someone with no other expectation, or do I hope to receive a kindness or recognition in return? Do I always serve others with joy or do I harbor some resentment?
(That’s probably enough honest disclosure for today! 😉 )
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV)
God is able to use everything- even our faulty or misguided efforts- but our own love and joy increase when we are able to serve out of God-centered motivation… when we learn not to react but to clarify our motives with God and then act. When our motives are pure, we will discover the greater perseverance, strength, purpose and peace that comes from God, even when our callings are challenging and difficult. When our motivation is God-serving, our actions will reflect our genuine countenance of joy, humility and graciousness.
Will we ever know all the ways we have made a good difference in the world? When our motivation is pure love, we find we have no need to know.
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11 (NIV)
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17 (NIV)
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“Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt.”
Today’s prayer:
Loving Father,
I want my heart to be completely free to love You, Who are Love itself.
Give me a heart free of self absorption, that I might know and love Christ in every person I meet.
Give me a heart brimming with joy and peace, that remains firmly rooted in You, no matter my circumstances.
Give me a heart free of doubt: doubt in You, Your faithfulness and perfect plan for my life; doubt in myself and the gifts You have given me; doubt in others’ intentions towards me.
Give me a heart that is malleable, that can be molded and lovingly shaped, like clay in the Potter’s hands, to be evermore in the likeness of Christ’s Sacred Heart, Mary’s Immaculate Heart, and St. Joseph’s pure heart.
Give me a heart that breaks with Yours at the sufferings of others and the hurt that seems to permeate the world.
Give me a heart that can stretch and expand to welcome and nurture the lonely, the hurting, the weak.
Hide me in Your Most Sacred Heart, Jesus.
Enkindle my heart with Your gifts and fruits, my advocate, oh Holy Spirit.
Thank You for teaching me how to love.
Amen.1
1https://youaremadenew.com/2018/05/30/a-prayer-for-a-pure-heart/ by Megan Gettinger
Author of quote unknown, found on Pinterest.com
Photo by Faye Cornish on Unsplash
Bible verses taken from BibleGateway.com
Five Minute Friday: Stay
Dear Readers,
I recently joined a lovely writers’ group support page, “Five Minute Friday- Encouraging and Equipping Christian Writers“1. Each week, we are given a word and an opportunity to write for five minutes! This is my first week to try this. Thanks to Kate Motaung for this helpful resource! This week’s word is STAY.
GO…
Earlier this week, the Black Lives Matter peaceful protest was canceled. There were too many concerns- the Covid virus (that especially has affected black people) and threats from white supremacists. But later this week, the rally was rescheduled for this Sunday.
“I want to go,” my daughter said. As a psychologist, she has heard her patients describe being hit by rubber bullets- aimed directly at faces- and lying on the ground when a white supremacist appeared with guns displayed. “I want to join her,” my husband said. As a pastor, he wants to do what Jesus would have him do- stand up for justice for all who are oppressed. I want to go, too. Our family is deeply affected by the events of this week and continued racism that ravages, not only for all black people, but particularly for our son-in-law, grandson, and cousin.
Various issues make it wise for me to avoid the crowds (virus), so I have offered to stay behind and care for my granddaughter. This feels like such a small contribution, but I find it significant, to help where and when I can.
So I will pray.
And I will stay.
AND STOP.
An Encouraging Word #8: Assuredness
Today’s encouraging word is assuredness.
Merriam-Webster includes these definitions of assured: “characterized by certainty or security; sure that something is certain or true…”1 When our days, our plans, our futures are uncertain, we can hold fast to the certainties of God and live in that assuredness.
Years ago I saw the “Braveheart” movie, based on the story of William Wallace, who spearheaded Scotland’s charge for freedom from England (1297-1305). At the end of the movie there is a moment I have never forgotten. As Wallace (portrayed by Mel Gibson) is being tortured to death, he looks out at the watching crowd and sees the image of his beloved Murron (Catherine McCormack), who had been killed earlier in the movie. At first he only catches glimpses of her face passing through the crowd, her eyes tenderly gazing at him. But just before his life ends, her peaceful, beautiful face is smiling at him with love. She is anticipating their joyous eternal reunion and in doing so, her countenance assures him. And he smiles…
Murron’s serene and smiling image has remained with me. She may have been an angelic vision, but this is how I want to live, how I want to be. I want to so completely trust in the incredible goodness of God that my spirit will shine with serenity, peace and pure joy, even when troubles and trials are all around. I want my presence to be so peaceful and trusting that it will help others to feel the same. I want to be able to walk gently and serenely through turmoil and strife and, with one tender look at another, assure that all will be well.
Could that be one of the best visible witnesses of our faith- to live with the peace and joy found in trusting God’s assuring promises and presence- no matter what our circumstances are? To be confident, peaceful, and courageous- not out of our own strength or character- but from this assuredness that flows from loving God and being loved by God?
~We would freely and generously love others with the assuredness that comes from knowing we are loved.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)
~We would walk difficult paths or try brave new adventures with the assuredness that we are never alone.
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
~We would work for justice and freedom with the assuredness that yes, we will have trouble, but in Christ we will also have peace.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33 (NIV)
~We would face our fears and trials with the assuredness that we are eternal.
Very truly I tell you, the one who believes has eternal life. John 6:47 (NIV)
Oh my, these are difficult, difficult days. Our loved ones, our communities, our country, and our world need people- need us– to walk with them, to serve with love, to face those who threaten, to stand up for those who are oppressed, to provide for those in need, to comfort those who are ill, to bring hope to those who are perishing. To show by our example that God’s love and God’s promises are real and true.
May we walk in faith as assured, non-anxious servants of God- willing to help and challenge and heal and serve and love- in any capacity God calls us to do. When troubles and grief abound, may we look upon another with peaceful, tender love, with the assuredness of God’s goodness, and with the words of Jesus in our hearts: “I have overcome the world.”
Isaiah 43:1-3 (NIV)
But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…
A Prayer from Teresa of Avila:
May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance.
It is there for each and every one of you.
Amen.
Teresa of Avila prayer was found at https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/68943-may-today-there-be-peace-within-may-you-trust-that
Photo by Aserusainhuu on Unsplash
Simply Soul Searching 