Simply Soul Searching

It was a gloomy, gray morning and my heart was feeling the same. Walking drearily in the sprinkling rain, I asked Jesus, “What did you do when your heart was burdened?”

At first I was reminded that Jesus did what all of us do, since he too, was fully human. He cried. He worried. He prayed. He talked to friends. He walked and pondered just like I do. But he had much more to tell me.

God in all wisdom made the world perfectly imperfect. There will be storms and hardships, conflicts and illnesses in every life. We learn and gain precious gifts through these trials. If you can imagine a world without pain or sorrow, a “perfect” world in which you had no needs or concerns, a world in which everything was provided for your enjoyment, what would you miss? You would miss such gifts as strength for the struggle. Hope in times of despair. Comfort in grief. Patience in waiting. Forgiveness in regret. Joy in sorrow. Peace in uncertainty. Perseverance through challenges.

You well know that God works to make good in every situation. Through our own trials, we are then enabled to work with God to make life better for others. God’s companionship is extended through our companionship with one another. In helping one another through the difficult times, and working for the good of others, all of the burdens of life would be greatly reduced.

Jesus continued…

God does not specifically choose when and where someone is going to be burdened. God DOES know us all so well and God is timeless, so God knows what will happen in our lives. But God does not orchestrate them.

I think I understood: “Like God KNEW you would get killed, Jesus, because people would not understand you, and fear and hatred would win the day. God didn’t orchestrate your death or need you to die. God only knew that you would.”

And God knew your body would make cancer but God didn’t arrange for this to happen. God would seize this opportunity to show you love and compassion and healing and power in your life, way more than you ever anticipated. In those moments when you were open to God’s movement, you profoundly found this to be true.

And then there was this…

When you die to yourself, you do not die to joy. In fact, in dying to yourself- to have no personal expectation except to love and follow me as best you can- you will experience a deep abiding joy that outshines any burdens that come your way. The more you look at all of life as a gift, learn to embrace the difficulties with a sense of openness, and remain willing to learn and grow, your life will become more fully abundant and dearly treasured.

Amen.

Jim and I were up extra early this morning, so I had the opportunity to watch the sunrise. I invited Jesus to join me as I hurriedly walked to the open field for the best view. Once there, I stood reverently before the breaking dawn and envisioned him with me, both of us taking in the glorious colors as the sun peeked over the trees. An incredible sense of joy filled my soul, as I savored the radiance of God’s creation while feeling Jesus’s presence so near.

I stood there for quite a while, not wanting to leave this precious moment with the sunrise and with him. I felt as if Jesus genuinely appreciated the invitation to join me in my silent moments of awe and worship. There were no questions to ask him today. The moment and his presence were enough.

God’s glory is all around us, God’s glory is always within us. We will have our sacred experiences, our profound inspirations, and our glorious sunrises. We will also have our days of our deep heartaches, our dry desert places, and our gray and gloomy days. The glory of God remains, in the majesty and the mundane, in the profound and the trivial, in the joys and sorrows, in the jubilation and the despair. God comes to us in the weary hours of the night, and in the early moments of a fresh new day. When we pause to notice, we will find God’s glory in everything.

Reluctantly, I finally turned for home. As I crossed the field, my feet wet with dew, I suddenly had one special question for my morning companion.

“What is your favorite part of creation, Jesus?”

He answered with one word.

You.

I grinned. Because I knew that Jesus would give that same answer to anyone who asks.

Thank you, Jesus.

Photo by Karen on a glorious, sacred morning.

As I began this week’s walk with Jesus, I couldn’t immediately sense his presence and so- this may have looked strange- I reached out for his hand. The idea of his touch brought back that feeling of deep connection. I was content to simply walk together, both of us enjoying the sunshine and scenery in quiet companionship.   

But as I looked around, I envisioned him also looking at the world around us…

“Jesus, do you see the world differently than I do?”

I then asked him to wait a few minutes before answering me because there were too many neighbors and other distractions around. 😊 Once we came to a quiet road, here is what I heard him say.

This world is incredibly smaller than you can even imagine, Karen. If you were able to comprehend the infinite universe God has created, as well as the smallness of your planet in God’s perspective, you would be both astonished and humbled. You would understand how everything around you- and especially yourself- are really so insignificantly small.

And yet you are so infinitely loved- as well as your community, your country, your world, and the entire universe. This is how incredible and awesome the love of God is. When I look around, I see my Father’s work in every person, every home, every creature, every planet, every star. You all are works of our perfect God, created in love.

Here is a gift for you to know. As infinite as the universe, God’s infinite love pours into your tiny self, down to your tiniest cells. Trusting in this infinite, outpouring love will help you to love, serve, and live without fear. This infinite love will inspire you, bring you peace, and enable you to pour out generous love, too.

We walked on…

When you look at your daily living, you see the joys and the sorrows, the successes and the failures. You measure the value of your days by the remarkable moments and the larger accomplishments. When I look at your daily living, I see the magical mystery of your very existence and of my presence within it. I see all the holy and hidden meanings of the world around you and within you. There is so much more spirit and joy and mystery and sacredness to your everyday moments than you can imagine. Learn to appreciate and recognize my presence, even in what you would consider mundane.

Finally, what you perceive in your daily living is not the total story, but only one small part of your journey. I see the entire picture, and in that I find the beauty and the purpose of your life. In the meantime, just know that your existence is important. That every moment is part of your growth, every moment includes my love, and every moment is an essential part of the total meaning of your life.  

We continued our journey together, my heart deeply grateful for these tender morning moments, which are forming another essential part of my life, too.

Photo by Karen 🙂

On this my third week, when I invited Jesus to join me on my walk, my eyes immediately filled with tears again- even more than before. I tried to just quietly remain in his presence, but the obvious question was right there:

“Jesus, why do I cry each time I envision you walking with me?”

As we walked on together, he gave me several insights. Friends, I hope that as you read these, you will also envision Jesus at your side, perhaps telling you these very same things…

Karen, I have become your oldest and dearest friend, the one who has been with you through everything in your life. I am the friend who knows you better than you know yourself. I know all your doubts and insecurities, and I am the one who encourages you to let them go. I have helped you overcome your trials and challenges. I have forgiven your mistakes and shortcomings. I have celebrated your joys and victories. I know all there is to know about you, and I love you completely. You are beautiful in my sight. Your tears flow out of the awareness that you are beloved.

When I come to your side, you feel like the wounded child who maintains a brave face until she can fall apart in the embrace of one who cares for her deeply. You cry while my peaceful presence surrounds your sad and anxious spirit, giving you comfort, serenity and hope. Your tears flow from the relief of having me close.

You also cry in my presence because you feel sad and sorry for everything that once happened to me- for the terrible and beautiful awareness that there is no pain I have not experienced or do not understand. Your tears spill out in a combination of deep sorrow and deep gratitude.

You cry because you are so grateful for how far you have come… for these bonus days you are living, for the love that I have shown you in every circumstance. So you long to have everyone feel the love you are feeling in these sacred moments. You hope to live out my love and peace and presence in this world, to become a light of my love. Your tears flow out of appreciation for my goodness in your life, and out of your earnest desire for others to know that same goodness.

Your tears stem from your heart that is feeling so vulnerable, so soft and tender toward others, especially in these difficult days. Your heart hurts for your family, for your friends, and for the world. In these uncertain and trying times, you have become so deeply aware that life is precious, that people are precious. Your tears flow from your heart that is filled with concern and compassion for others, as well as frustration from being unable to do more for them.

I hope you regard your tears as a gift. Your tears flow out of love. The love you feel from me, the love you feel for me, and the love you feel from and for others.

Let your tears flow freely. Let your love flow generously. I will be at your side, loving you all the way.

(Photo by Karen)

Today was my second day to turn off my podcast and invite Jesus to join me on my morning walk. My eyes once again filled with tears as I envisioned his presence walking quietly next to me. I wonder why I get emotional, but I hope this never fades. Perhaps my emotions stem from the inner burdens of these unusual days, along with the new awareness of the intimacy of our relationship; the tender feeling of being heard, understood, and companioned by my closest friend in these trying times.

I intentionally walked in silence for the first mile, hoping to allow the next question to reveal itself at the proper time. But I began to wonder if my pace was a comfortable one for him- and there I had my next question. A simple, practical one. “Am I walking too fast, Jesus?”

I thought of a few stories of Jesus in the Bible, and I first pictured Jesus casually sauntering from place to place. Then I pictured him walking with purpose and determination, quickly enough to get to his destination, but allowing for all the interruptions he encountered. Hmmm… then I had another thought: Jesus did not see interruptions as interruptions. He simply stopped to help or heal people as he walked along. My thoughts continued to reflect on more of those stories as I considered his pace and mine.

But I was suddenly shocked back to reality when I nearly stepped over a long black snake in the street! Oh my- the snake was at least three feet long! I have never seen one that large, even when I walk on hiking paths through nature. I was quite frightened and upset, so I was distracted from our conversation for a bit. Talk about an interruption!

While I gradually calmed, Jesus answered.    

Your pace does not matter as much as your peacefulness in it. I hope you will learn to stop seeing interruptions as obstacles that keep you from getting to your goals. Life with me is about embracing everything as an important part of your path, an integral part of your journey.

You are meant to keep walking with me. To walk in peace, to go slowly when needed, and yes, even to stop in your tracks at times. To allow for the silences… and the secrets… and the spaces. The sunrises and the sunsets. They are all part of your journey with me. Even the snakes.

Trust that I will remain at your side, no matter what your pace may be. Just do not forget that I am with you; do not neglect me. Do not forget to hold my hand, to turn to me, to thank me, and to listen when I want to interrupt your thoughts.

May you stop ignoring the present moment in your pursuit, for the present moment should be your pursuit. Goals certainly help to guide, inform, influence and inspire your path. But your focus should be less about reaching the goal than about walking the present path well.

We continued our walk with a deep sense of quiet companionship. I felt grateful to have started this practice. “I am going to love this,” I thought. 

“Stay with me Jesus, on this journey. Wherever it leads I know you are with me.”  Tears.

I will stick with you Karen. I will be with you always.

My mileage tracker announces another mile. I notice that my pace has slowed.   

Photo by Karen on a morning walk.