Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
A Different Five Minute Friday: Where Do You Go in the Silence?
Early each Friday morning, I awaken and immediately check my cell phone for the latest prompt from Kate’s Five Minute Friday online community. I also check to see if Andrew’s latest post is up- he is always the first to write, even as he battles terminal cancer. I then begin mulling my ideas from the prompt we have been given.
This morning there is no prompt. I checked Kate’s site and there are no new posts for today. And so my mind begins to wander… is Kate okay? Is Andrew? Did I miss a memo? What has happened to my blogging friends?
Where do YOU go in the silence?
The silence in waiting for the “I am safely home!” text from a loved one who was on the road. The silence in waiting for the test results. The silence when the selection for a career position isn’t yet showing in your email. The silence when an invitation is extended and you have not received a reply.
How often to we go to our worst fears in the silences? How often do our anxious minds wander into all sorts of possibilities we had never even considered before? How often do we begin to assume the worst outcomes are waiting just ahead?
Maybe today is an invitation to choose to travel the path of peace, instead of my usual route to worry or fear.
In the silence, we can turn to the One who already knows the answers and will hold us until we do. In the silence, we can wait for the whisper of God, telling us we are beloved. In the silence, we can feel the embrace of God, assuring us we are treasured. In the silence, we can pray for the ones from whom we hope to hear the good news… the reassuring voice… the answers we need.
Trusting that God goes with us on all of our journeys, we can begin to turn our anxious walks in the silence into more prayerful paths of peace.
*Friends, I just found on the Five Minute Friday Facebook page that she will have a new post next week. Another lesson learned… 🙂
(Week 10) Why Have I Been Struggling…?
In these last few weeks, the silences and struggles to connect with Jesus continued. I knew that I was to keep showing up, keep inviting, and keep waiting. But this morning, I had to ask Jesus, “Why have I been struggling to find a question to ask you?”
Karen, we have already talked about the struggle you have as a writer, with an agenda or purpose to your questions. You have learned how it is better to simply walk with me and wait on me; how you should enter our time together without expectation or agenda.
But here is another obstacle to our conversations. You are struggling with questions because you are afraid I may say something you do not wish to hear. You hesitate to be totally open, to be willing to surrender your life or your plans or your purposes as fully as possible in order to genuinely hear ME.
Following me is also to wait on me, to wait for me. You seem to be struggling with that in recent weeks. Perhaps this is because you are waiting for many things in these recent months. But I am still here in the waiting time. I am always teaching you, humbling you, increasing your patience, helping you listen, and crafting you quietly. When you are feeling frustrated by the waiting you must trust that I am still working.
If you truly want to hear the words and messages that are of me, you will be willing to surrender even good things. You will let go of your goals… your desire to write something beautiful… your longing to bless your readers. And you will simply trust that the words will come in their proper time. You will allow for the silences and moments where nothing seems to be happening. For I am also in the mundane, in the frustration, in the seemingly purposeless moments. Can you sense that I never wane?
My spirit is alive in you. If you truly trust me, you will know that all things are speaking and teaching. You do not even need to seek for I will come to you.
The seeds of inspiration are given by God. We cannot rush their sprouting and growing. We are called to simply nurture the seeds and trust the Giver. I believe I am being invited to wait and nurture for now, so this will be the last of the “Can I Ask You Something?” series. Thank you dear readers, I hope you were blessed!
Cairns for Our Journey (Introduction)
Each new morning, I center myself in God as I walk, pray and ponder. I return home feeling strong and peaceful, refreshed for the day ahead. But in recent months, as the day goes on, the worrisome news keeps coming, and my body and mind begin to grow weary, this peace often gives way to anxiety and worry. I crave the peace of God’s presence so profoundly; I long to be reminded of God’s presence more often.
This longing for regular, visible reminders of the presence of God brought the idea of cairns to my mind. Cairns are piles of stones that serve as memorials or landmarks on hiking paths, mountain summits, and seashores. Jim and I had seen a number of these creative works as we hiked a favorite path in Michigan. Now, as I journey through these current days, I would love to encounter a few spiritual cairns that might remind me of God’s presence along my path.
Over these next ten weeks, I hope you will join me in assembling our own small cairns to serve as centering touchpoints or signposts for our daily journeys. Each Monday, we will spend time with a short reflection and add a rock to our cairns. Our cairns will help bring a certain focus to our days, and may even begin to serve as small altars- as places to present ourselves before God, as places of reverence, sacrament, prayer, surrender, and gratitude.
We will eventually use ten rocks or stones over these next ten weeks- I encourage you to collect them in a way that will bless you! You may want to feel prepared and collect them all at once, or you may enjoy purchasing a set of pretty stones, or you may wish to find a stone each week as a reminder to keep seeking and searching. You might enjoy painting or marking each stone for the specific theme of the week. The theme for next week (our first stone) will be about designation- setting apart this time and place as sacred and holy.
The cairns may be artistic creations or simply humble piles- you decide! Let’s assemble our cairns in visible places where we will regularly be reminded of the goodness of God. Mine will be on the shelf above my desk.
Thank you for joining me on this new journey! I hope you will share photos or comment with inspirations you have along the way. (You may feel more comfortable doing so at my Simply Soul Searching Facebook page.) I am always blessed to hear from you!
My prayers are with you and for you.
Photos are from Unsplash– by David Clode, Rachel Nickerson, and Markus Spiske, respectively. Thank you!
Five Minute Friday: Loud
Our youth group, leaders, and I were preparing a meal to serve our congregation before a Lenten worship service, and I had invited my unique friend Beth* to join us. As our group was happily and busily working, Beth walked into the dining area where people were gathering.
There, Beth had one of her moments. For reasons we don’t understand, she was fearful of a dear, gentle friend who also worked at the church, and she began to curse him. Our work in the kitchen was interrupted when another church member came in, holding Beth’s arm to escort her out the door. She looked at me with wide eyes, silent and scared.
I wrapped my arms around her, explained that she was my friend, and promised I would watch out for her if he would let her stay. He continued to move toward the door. Desperately, I told him that if she left, I would, too. (I was supposed to give the sermon and serve Communion that evening.) He yelled, “I’m tired of your b~!” and took her out.
My pastor was counting on me to serve in his absence, so I reluctantly stayed. With so many inner emotions, I gave the sermon message… and served Communion to the man who had taken her away. After the service, my son and I found Beth outside, and we gathered around her with the laughter that arises from relief.
Later I learned from a few parents that their teens told them about the lesson of love they learned that day. Perhaps this encounter offered more than any lesson I had ever prepared and shared with them.
May I always be loudest in love, in kindness, in compassion… and in forgiveness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Here are some additional posts about my friendship with Beth:
Five Minute Friday: Mercy
A Tribute to Beth
(This post is part of an online writing community, “Five Minute Friday.” We are given a one-word prompt and five minutes to write. I hope you check out the excellent posts at the site listed under the image!)
(Week 9) What Would You Want Me to Write?
On this particular morning I was feeling more peaceful, so I invited Jesus to walk with me for the second time this week. As usual, I sensed that wonderful feeling of overwhelming holiness in his presence. Aware of my struggles with the silence during our last walk, I asked him to help me set aside my writer’s heart and truly listen.
But then I realized that I am a writer. I can’t ignore my writer’s heart, for writing is part of who I am. I felt a new peace in understanding that Jesus speaks to all of me, including my desire to write for others. And so I asked, “Jesus, what would you want me to write for my blog readers?”
Keep writing of the things you have experienced, the things that you know to be true about me. The world needs to hear more of these personal stories of my love and my active presence in each and every life. I hope that more people will share their own stories of peace and hope that come from my loving work in their lives, as well.
I would like your readers to truly know that I am present here and now, with all of you. I will always be your companion and friend, your encouragement and comforter. And even as I am already with you, you will sense my presence more profoundly when you actually invite me and open yourself to my presence. Come to me, seek me.
“I know that you, as Christ, are always present with me. I know that you, as the Spirit, speak to me. I know that you, Jesus, fully understand us because you have experienced all of this earthly life, too.”
Jesus went on…
I would like you and your readers to know that you can come to me as you are. Are you a writer? Seek me with your earnest desire to hear and write my words, as well as your doubts about doing so. Are you a parent? Seek me with all of your joys and frustrations, hopes and concerns for your family. Are you a busy worker with a full schedule, active career? Seek me in the commutes, the bathroom breaks, the quiet moments before you sleep.
Are you embarrassed, humiliated, angry, annoyed, anxious, sad, confused, resentful, or overwhelmed? You do not need to wait until a better time, until you are more perfect or ready or suitable. Come to me as you are, because I am already with you…
just waiting for you to see.
(Next week’s post will be the last of this series- I hope you have been blessed by these conversations. And a new weekly series will begin on Monday! I’m very excited- and hope you will be, too!)
Photos by Karen 🙂
Five Minute Friday: Mercy
My friendship with Beth began with small acts of mercy. She would stop by my office where I served as a youth director whenever she needed money or food to sustain her until her next monthly check arrived. Beth carried what I perceived as deep paranoia, and I felt that my best acts of mercy were to engage her in interesting conversations, which helped to distract and diminish her anxiety for short spells.
Beth was one who challenged my patience when I had work to do. She stretched our comfort when she would show up at our home and we would invite her in- even if she had not showered for some time. I would be irritated when she needed something that I could provide (a ride to the store, a letter typed, a call made) but the time wasn’t convenient.
But Beth was the one who angrily stormed into my office, admonishing me for breaking up with Jim, pointing out that he was the best thing that ever happened to me. She was astonished that I couldn’t see how we were meant to be together, we were made for each other. “You are just afraid!” she exclaimed.
And she was right. A few weeks later, I reunited with Jim, my true love, and he proposed to me at Christmas. Beth felt proud that she was instrumental in helping all of this happen, and we gratefully affirmed that. She gave us a fancy water hose spigot for a wedding gift, but graciously declined our invitation to attend.
I am thankful that my initial acts of mercy and compassion led the way to a deeper friendship with Beth. Beth helped me to see beyond “normal” to the gifts that are hidden in people who are not like me. Beth was my truth teller, my conscience poker, and my insightful friend. She taught me much more than can be written in this five-minute space.
What I thought was mercy for her, truly became a wonderful gift of mercy and grace for me.
(I wrote another post about Beth when she died last year, which you may find here: A Tribute to Beth)
This post is part of a writing community, Five Minute Friday. Each week, we are given a one word prompt, and five minutes to write. You will find some great writers at the site listed under the photo.
(Week 8) …
As I began this week’s walk with Jesus, I could sense I was struggling right from the start. Part of my struggle was that I hadn’t slowed my spirit enough to settle in and listen. I also sensed that I was pushing for words to write, more than simply listening for what Jesus would have to say to me personally (this often happens to me). We walked in silence for quite a while.
Eventually I noticed how nice it was to just walk in the silence. But I did ask Jesus to truly guide my thoughts and help me know what question he would want to me to ask.
Silence.
A few minutes later, I was uncomfortable. “Stay with me Jesus, until I can calm my own soul.”
Silence.
“Jesus, Is there some deeper meaning for me in the silences? In the quiet spaces?”
Wait on me Karen. Wait for me.
“I’m okay with just walking with you in the silence, Jesus.”
(And yet I couldn’t be quiet.)
“What are you doing when I think you are silent? Are you deep in your own thoughts as we walk along? Or are you simply allowing space for my own thoughts? Are you trying to teach me humble patience? Or do you long to just be my silent companion today?”
Silence.
“Teach me to shut up Jesus.”
I closed the cell phone app I use to record my thoughts, and tucked my phone into my pocket.
(Photo by Karen)
Five Minute Friday: Right
(This post is part of a writing community, Five Minute Friday, in which we are given a one word prompt and five minutes to write. You may check out other posts at the link shown under the photo!)
RIGHT
Could the right path not always be the easy one, the well-worn path that others have followed?
Could “right” be doing what is wrong for the good of others?
Could giving up our “rights” for one another be the best use of them?
Could our best right choice be to refrain from insisting that we are?
Perhaps our happiness is less about being right, doing all the right things, or clinging to our rights, but in simply finding our joy at God’s right hand.
You show me the path of life.
In your presence there is fullness of joy;
in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
(Psalm 16:11 NRSV)
(Week 7) How Would You Have Me Be More Like You?
The seventh time I invited Jesus to walk with me, I felt no need to pause but immediately asked him, “How would you have me be more like you in this world?” Then I rambled on with additional questions to clarify what I was seeking. “I know the stories of your life- what you taught, and how you healed, fed, and loved- but is there a specific quality or action I should take on and live out? Is there a unique way in which I am created that would help me to live and serve more like you?”
Karen, the answer you seek is not a big revelation. Quit trying so hard to know all the answers. Keep walking with me and doing the next right thing, one step at a time. With that in mind, here is the next right thing I want you to do.
I want you to stop calling the President bad names.
I laughed aloud at his answer because it seemed so random, so trivial- and so unexpected! Immediately I thought about how embarrassed and uncomfortable I would feel writing about this. But in the seeming absurdity of Jesus’s words, I realized the message was definitely coming from beyond me. Reluctantly, I continued to listen…
If you want to live as an example of my peace, you must stop being one who becomes angry and then reacts with name calling and blaming. Instead, you must pray for him out of concern and even love. You are to remember that he is beloved, too.
You will then take those particularly distressing words or actions, and use them as your mirror and your thorn- a mirror in which you see your own flaws more clearly, and a thorn that spurs you to work for change in the opposite direction. Modeling my life’s example will say so much more than any angry words. Modeling my life’s example will change so much more than any hateful reactions. Each time you witness divisiveness, scapegoating, greed, apathy, or injustice, look within yourself for these same tendencies. Examine yourself for your own hidden prejudices, your ignorance of these broken systems, and your contribution to the problems. Then, continue to passionately work for the betterment of the world.
You will model my life when your despair is transformed into determination, when your criticism is transformed into correction, and when your anger is transformed into action.
I interrupted. “Jesus I will have a tough time writing about this conversation. I’m embarrassed to admit my name-calling. I don’t want to write of political differences. I only want my blog to offer peace and hope for my readers. I really don’t want to write about this. Is there anything else you would have me know that will make this blog a source of peace and hope for all who read it?”
Today you are to do the next right thing- to admit your judgment against others, to discern your culpability in the brokenness, and consider how you as an individual may also contribute to the divisiveness of humanity and the abuse of creation. Then, strive to do everything you can to be a person of peace, kindness, love, compassion, care, and unity. Strive to do all you can to make your community, country and world a better place.
Your peace and hope will arise when you work for good, rather than festering in your anger or frustration. And your loving work will not only help to foster peace and hope for others, but also for yourself.
You will become more like me when you seek my peace and hope, and work for the peace and hope of others, while exemplifying my peace and hope in all you say and do.
And so I write this today.
(Photo by Karen)
Five Minute Friday: Progress
The Progress in the Pauses
Do we keep creeping forward with our headlights on low
as the fog closes in all around us~
or might this be the moment that God has in mind
to awaken, amaze and astound us?
Do we forge ahead through stormy winds
while striving for goals that we seek,
or might this be the moment to shelter inside
while waiting for God to speak?
Do we grieve when our progress is hampered
and we fall short of our dreams to achieve,
or let this be the moment for us to pause,
and give God some space to breathe?
(This post is written as part of an online writing community, Five Minute Friday. The link is under the photo and I encourage you to read other posts! We are given a one-word prompt and five minutes to write. I do need to confess that this one was written in five minutes- but I thought about it for over an hour before doing so.)
Simply Soul Searching 