Simply Soul Searching
HOW IS GOD LOVING ME – AND WHERE IS GOD LEADING ME?
Five Minute Friday: Loud
Our youth group, leaders, and I were preparing a meal to serve our congregation before a Lenten worship service, and I had invited my unique friend Beth* to join us. As our group was happily and busily working, Beth walked into the dining area where people were gathering.
There, Beth had one of her moments. For reasons we don’t understand, she was fearful of a dear, gentle friend who also worked at the church, and she began to curse him. Our work in the kitchen was interrupted when another church member came in, holding Beth’s arm to escort her out the door. She looked at me with wide eyes, silent and scared.
I wrapped my arms around her, explained that she was my friend, and promised I would watch out for her if he would let her stay. He continued to move toward the door. Desperately, I told him that if she left, I would, too. (I was supposed to give the sermon and serve Communion that evening.) He yelled, “I’m tired of your b~!” and took her out.
My pastor was counting on me to serve in his absence, so I reluctantly stayed. With so many inner emotions, I gave the sermon message… and served Communion to the man who had taken her away. After the service, my son and I found Beth outside, and we gathered around her with the laughter that arises from relief.
Later I learned from a few parents that their teens told them about the lesson of love they learned that day. Perhaps this encounter offered more than any lesson I had ever prepared and shared with them.
May I always be loudest in love, in kindness, in compassion… and in forgiveness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Here are some additional posts about my friendship with Beth:
Five Minute Friday: Mercy
A Tribute to Beth
(This post is part of an online writing community, “Five Minute Friday.” We are given a one-word prompt and five minutes to write. I hope you check out the excellent posts at the site listed under the image!)
(Week 9) What Would You Want Me to Write?
On this particular morning I was feeling more peaceful, so I invited Jesus to walk with me for the second time this week. As usual, I sensed that wonderful feeling of overwhelming holiness in his presence. Aware of my struggles with the silence during our last walk, I asked him to help me set aside my writer’s heart and truly listen.
But then I realized that I am a writer. I can’t ignore my writer’s heart, for writing is part of who I am. I felt a new peace in understanding that Jesus speaks to all of me, including my desire to write for others. And so I asked, “Jesus, what would you want me to write for my blog readers?”
Keep writing of the things you have experienced, the things that you know to be true about me. The world needs to hear more of these personal stories of my love and my active presence in each and every life. I hope that more people will share their own stories of peace and hope that come from my loving work in their lives, as well.
I would like your readers to truly know that I am present here and now, with all of you. I will always be your companion and friend, your encouragement and comforter. And even as I am already with you, you will sense my presence more profoundly when you actually invite me and open yourself to my presence. Come to me, seek me.
“I know that you, as Christ, are always present with me. I know that you, as the Spirit, speak to me. I know that you, Jesus, fully understand us because you have experienced all of this earthly life, too.”
Jesus went on…
I would like you and your readers to know that you can come to me as you are. Are you a writer? Seek me with your earnest desire to hear and write my words, as well as your doubts about doing so. Are you a parent? Seek me with all of your joys and frustrations, hopes and concerns for your family. Are you a busy worker with a full schedule, active career? Seek me in the commutes, the bathroom breaks, the quiet moments before you sleep.
Are you embarrassed, humiliated, angry, annoyed, anxious, sad, confused, resentful, or overwhelmed? You do not need to wait until a better time, until you are more perfect or ready or suitable. Come to me as you are, because I am already with you…
just waiting for you to see.
(Next week’s post will be the last of this series- I hope you have been blessed by these conversations. And a new weekly series will begin on Monday! I’m very excited- and hope you will be, too!)
Photos by Karen 🙂
Five Minute Friday: Mercy
My friendship with Beth began with small acts of mercy. She would stop by my office where I served as a youth director whenever she needed money or food to sustain her until her next monthly check arrived. Beth carried what I perceived as deep paranoia, and I felt that my best acts of mercy were to engage her in interesting conversations, which helped to distract and diminish her anxiety for short spells.
Beth was one who challenged my patience when I had work to do. She stretched our comfort when she would show up at our home and we would invite her in- even if she had not showered for some time. I would be irritated when she needed something that I could provide (a ride to the store, a letter typed, a call made) but the time wasn’t convenient.
But Beth was the one who angrily stormed into my office, admonishing me for breaking up with Jim, pointing out that he was the best thing that ever happened to me. She was astonished that I couldn’t see how we were meant to be together, we were made for each other. “You are just afraid!” she exclaimed.
And she was right. A few weeks later, I reunited with Jim, my true love, and he proposed to me at Christmas. Beth felt proud that she was instrumental in helping all of this happen, and we gratefully affirmed that. She gave us a fancy water hose spigot for a wedding gift, but graciously declined our invitation to attend.
I am thankful that my initial acts of mercy and compassion led the way to a deeper friendship with Beth. Beth helped me to see beyond “normal” to the gifts that are hidden in people who are not like me. Beth was my truth teller, my conscience poker, and my insightful friend. She taught me much more than can be written in this five-minute space.
What I thought was mercy for her, truly became a wonderful gift of mercy and grace for me.
(I wrote another post about Beth when she died last year, which you may find here: A Tribute to Beth)
This post is part of a writing community, Five Minute Friday. Each week, we are given a one word prompt, and five minutes to write. You will find some great writers at the site listed under the photo.
(Week 8) …
As I began this week’s walk with Jesus, I could sense I was struggling right from the start. Part of my struggle was that I hadn’t slowed my spirit enough to settle in and listen. I also sensed that I was pushing for words to write, more than simply listening for what Jesus would have to say to me personally (this often happens to me). We walked in silence for quite a while.
Eventually I noticed how nice it was to just walk in the silence. But I did ask Jesus to truly guide my thoughts and help me know what question he would want to me to ask.
Silence.
A few minutes later, I was uncomfortable. “Stay with me Jesus, until I can calm my own soul.”
Silence.
“Jesus, Is there some deeper meaning for me in the silences? In the quiet spaces?”
Wait on me Karen. Wait for me.
“I’m okay with just walking with you in the silence, Jesus.”
(And yet I couldn’t be quiet.)
“What are you doing when I think you are silent? Are you deep in your own thoughts as we walk along? Or are you simply allowing space for my own thoughts? Are you trying to teach me humble patience? Or do you long to just be my silent companion today?”
Silence.
“Teach me to shut up Jesus.”
I closed the cell phone app I use to record my thoughts, and tucked my phone into my pocket.
(Photo by Karen)
Five Minute Friday: Right
(This post is part of a writing community, Five Minute Friday, in which we are given a one word prompt and five minutes to write. You may check out other posts at the link shown under the photo!)
RIGHT
Could the right path not always be the easy one, the well-worn path that others have followed?
Could “right” be doing what is wrong for the good of others?
Could giving up our “rights” for one another be the best use of them?
Could our best right choice be to refrain from insisting that we are?
Perhaps our happiness is less about being right, doing all the right things, or clinging to our rights, but in simply finding our joy at God’s right hand.
You show me the path of life.
In your presence there is fullness of joy;
in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
(Psalm 16:11 NRSV)
(Week 7) How Would You Have Me Be More Like You?
The seventh time I invited Jesus to walk with me, I felt no need to pause but immediately asked him, “How would you have me be more like you in this world?” Then I rambled on with additional questions to clarify what I was seeking. “I know the stories of your life- what you taught, and how you healed, fed, and loved- but is there a specific quality or action I should take on and live out? Is there a unique way in which I am created that would help me to live and serve more like you?”
Karen, the answer you seek is not a big revelation. Quit trying so hard to know all the answers. Keep walking with me and doing the next right thing, one step at a time. With that in mind, here is the next right thing I want you to do.
I want you to stop calling the President bad names.
I laughed aloud at his answer because it seemed so random, so trivial- and so unexpected! Immediately I thought about how embarrassed and uncomfortable I would feel writing about this. But in the seeming absurdity of Jesus’s words, I realized the message was definitely coming from beyond me. Reluctantly, I continued to listen…
If you want to live as an example of my peace, you must stop being one who becomes angry and then reacts with name calling and blaming. Instead, you must pray for him out of concern and even love. You are to remember that he is beloved, too.
You will then take those particularly distressing words or actions, and use them as your mirror and your thorn- a mirror in which you see your own flaws more clearly, and a thorn that spurs you to work for change in the opposite direction. Modeling my life’s example will say so much more than any angry words. Modeling my life’s example will change so much more than any hateful reactions. Each time you witness divisiveness, scapegoating, greed, apathy, or injustice, look within yourself for these same tendencies. Examine yourself for your own hidden prejudices, your ignorance of these broken systems, and your contribution to the problems. Then, continue to passionately work for the betterment of the world.
You will model my life when your despair is transformed into determination, when your criticism is transformed into correction, and when your anger is transformed into action.
I interrupted. “Jesus I will have a tough time writing about this conversation. I’m embarrassed to admit my name-calling. I don’t want to write of political differences. I only want my blog to offer peace and hope for my readers. I really don’t want to write about this. Is there anything else you would have me know that will make this blog a source of peace and hope for all who read it?”
Today you are to do the next right thing- to admit your judgment against others, to discern your culpability in the brokenness, and consider how you as an individual may also contribute to the divisiveness of humanity and the abuse of creation. Then, strive to do everything you can to be a person of peace, kindness, love, compassion, care, and unity. Strive to do all you can to make your community, country and world a better place.
Your peace and hope will arise when you work for good, rather than festering in your anger or frustration. And your loving work will not only help to foster peace and hope for others, but also for yourself.
You will become more like me when you seek my peace and hope, and work for the peace and hope of others, while exemplifying my peace and hope in all you say and do.
And so I write this today.
(Photo by Karen)
Five Minute Friday: Progress
The Progress in the Pauses
Do we keep creeping forward with our headlights on low
as the fog closes in all around us~
or might this be the moment that God has in mind
to awaken, amaze and astound us?
Do we forge ahead through stormy winds
while striving for goals that we seek,
or might this be the moment to shelter inside
while waiting for God to speak?
Do we grieve when our progress is hampered
and we fall short of our dreams to achieve,
or let this be the moment for us to pause,
and give God some space to breathe?
(This post is written as part of an online writing community, Five Minute Friday. The link is under the photo and I encourage you to read other posts! We are given a one-word prompt and five minutes to write. I do need to confess that this one was written in five minutes- but I thought about it for over an hour before doing so.)
(Week 6) What Did You Do When You Were Burdened?
It was a gloomy, gray morning and my heart was feeling the same. Walking drearily in the sprinkling rain, I asked Jesus, “What did you do when your heart was burdened?”
At first I was reminded that Jesus did what all of us do, since he too, was fully human. He cried. He worried. He prayed. He talked to friends. He walked and pondered just like I do. But he had much more to tell me.
God in all wisdom made the world perfectly imperfect. There will be storms and hardships, conflicts and illnesses in every life. We learn and gain precious gifts through these trials. If you can imagine a world without pain or sorrow, a “perfect” world in which you had no needs or concerns, a world in which everything was provided for your enjoyment, what would you miss? You would miss such gifts as strength for the struggle. Hope in times of despair. Comfort in grief. Patience in waiting. Forgiveness in regret. Joy in sorrow. Peace in uncertainty. Perseverance through challenges.
You well know that God works to make good in every situation. Through our own trials, we are then enabled to work with God to make life better for others. God’s companionship is extended through our companionship with one another. In helping one another through the difficult times, and working for the good of others, all of the burdens of life would be greatly reduced.
Jesus continued…
God does not specifically choose when and where someone is going to be burdened. God DOES know us all so well and God is timeless, so God knows what will happen in our lives. But God does not orchestrate them.
I think I understood: “Like God KNEW you would get killed, Jesus, because people would not understand you, and fear and hatred would win the day. God didn’t orchestrate your death or need you to die. God only knew that you would.”
And God knew your body would make cancer but God didn’t arrange for this to happen. God would seize this opportunity to show you love and compassion and healing and power in your life, way more than you ever anticipated. In those moments when you were open to God’s movement, you profoundly found this to be true.
And then there was this…
When you die to yourself, you do not die to joy. In fact, in dying to yourself- to have no personal expectation except to love and follow me as best you can- you will experience a deep abiding joy that outshines any burdens that come your way. The more you look at all of life as a gift, learn to embrace the difficulties with a sense of openness, and remain willing to learn and grow, your life will become more fully abundant and dearly treasured.
Amen.
Revealing the Real
My granddaughter has a large word book that includes pictures of everyday items to match each word. There are colorful pages of animals, foods, vehicles, toys, and other categories. In recent weeks, she and I have enjoyed finding the real items to match the words and pictures. Her face lights up with understanding when she discovers that THIS item is what the word and picture actually mean!
For example, when she sees the picture of glasses in the book, she now looks up at me and touches my glasses. The word picture of an ice cream cone came alive when she had her first delicious spoonful of the frosty sweet treat. We were excited last week to see a frog hopping in the front yard and an excavator digging at the end of the street.
So I was thrilled to find a feather on my morning walk! I have washed it and will share it with her later today. This is one item from her book that she hasn’t yet seen or touched in reality.
Today the feather speaks to me about the real and actual loving presence of God. God comes to us in a variety of ways- interestingly called the “Word of God”- each of them serving as a unique and revealing dimension of God’s infinite and ever-present love.
One Word of God is the Bible, a collection of word stories about God’s love for us- God creating life with all its goodness, keeping promises throughout history, calling imperfect people to service, and becoming incarnate with us through Jesus. Another Word of God is creation itself, revealing God’s love through the splendor and majesty of this life we have been given. The Word of God made flesh is Jesus (John 1:14), God-with-us. His life of teaching, forgiving, healing, feeding, dying, and rising, gives us a deeper awareness of how much God loves us, of what God’s love really means beyond the Old Testament stories.
And now we are called to be the Word of God, as Christ in this world, with his Spirit to guide and help us. People will learn about God’s love by reading words in the Bible, they will understand more about God’s love through the life of Jesus, but they will experience God’s love when Jesus’s Spirit works in and through us. With the Spirit, we have this incredible opportunity to be the visible, tangible, active, real presence of God, here and now.
May we live our lives with such loving-kindness that we foster someone’s “ah-ha!” moment in which they joyfully realize, “So THIS is the love of God!”
How DO we live as examples of the visible, tangible love of God as shown through Jesus? Years ago the teen choir at Olivet Lutheran Church in Sylvania sang a beautiful song that I will treasure forever. The lyrics are a good reminder for us today.
By This They Will Know *
If we only love the lovely
and those we call our own,
or if we give expecting something in return…
If our mercy has a limit,
if our reach has an end,
if our favor must always be earned~
What makes us different in the worlds’ eyes?
Where is the proof that we belong to Christ?
By this they will know who Jesus is,
by this they will know that we are his:
if we give of ourselves as he gave himself for us.
By this they will know him…
They’ll know Jesus by our love.
Love is never selfish,
it never wants its way
and it never can remember debts unpaid.
It is full of compassion
and humility;
this is the love that we claim.
That makes us different in the world’s eyes
There is the proof that we belong to Christ.
By this they will know who Jesus is…
They’ll know Jesus by our love.
Photo by Karen 🙂
*Lyrics and music by Mark and Nan Allen/Arr. Dennis Allen/Pilot Point Music
Five Minute Friday: Respect
RESPECT
A Juxtaposition
God, lead me to live a life worthy of respect
with
integrity of purpose
honesty of words
kindness of actions
purity of spirit
and
genuineness of love
but also~
God, lead me to respect those with whom I struggle
with that same
integrity of purpose
honesty of words
kindness of actions
purity of spirit
and
genuineness of love
(This prompt is from Kate’s Five Minute Friday post- her link is under the photo. Each blogger has one word, five minutes to write. I encourage you to check out the other thoughtful posts!)
Simply Soul Searching 