Simply Soul Searching

As I began this week’s walk with Jesus, I could sense I was struggling right from the start. Part of my struggle was that I hadn’t slowed my spirit enough to settle in and listen. I also sensed that I was pushing for words to write, more than simply listening for what Jesus would have to say to me personally (this often happens to me). We walked in silence for quite a while. 

Eventually I noticed how nice it was to just walk in the silence. But I did ask Jesus to truly guide my thoughts and help me know what question he would want to me to ask. 

Silence. 

A few minutes later, I was uncomfortable. “Stay with me Jesus, until I can calm my own soul.”

Silence.

“Jesus, Is there some deeper meaning for me in the silences? In the quiet spaces?”

Wait on me Karen. Wait for me.

“I’m okay with just walking with you in the silence, Jesus.”

(And yet I couldn’t be quiet.)

“What are you doing when I think you are silent? Are you deep in your own thoughts as we walk along?  Or are you simply allowing space for my own thoughts? Are you trying to teach me humble patience? Or do you long to just be my silent companion today?”

Silence.

“Teach me to shut up Jesus.”

I closed the cell phone app I use to record my thoughts, and tucked my phone into my pocket.

(Photo by Karen)

The seventh time I invited Jesus to walk with me, I felt no need to pause but immediately asked him, “How would you have me be more like you in this world?” Then I rambled on with additional questions to clarify what I was seeking. “I know the stories of your life- what you taught, and how you healed, fed, and loved- but is there a specific quality or action I should take on and live out? Is there a unique way in which I am created that would help me to live and serve more like you?”

Karen, the answer you seek is not a big revelation. Quit trying so hard to know all the answers. Keep walking with me and doing the next right thing, one step at a time. With that in mind, here is the next right thing I want you to do.

I want you to stop calling the President bad names.

I laughed aloud at his answer because it seemed so random, so trivial- and so unexpected! Immediately I thought about how embarrassed and uncomfortable I would feel writing about this. But in the seeming absurdity of Jesus’s words, I realized the message was definitely coming from beyond me. Reluctantly, I continued to listen…

If you want to live as an example of my peace, you must stop being one who becomes angry and then reacts with name calling and blaming. Instead, you must pray for him out of concern and even love. You are to remember that he is beloved, too.

You will then take those particularly distressing words or actions, and use them as your mirror and your thorn- a mirror in which you see your own flaws more clearly, and a thorn that spurs you to work for change in the opposite direction. Modeling my life’s example will say so much more than any angry words. Modeling my life’s example will change so much more than any hateful reactions. Each time you witness divisiveness, scapegoating, greed, apathy, or injustice, look within yourself for these same tendencies. Examine yourself for your own hidden prejudices, your ignorance of these broken systems, and your contribution to the problems. Then, continue to passionately work for the betterment of the world.

You will model my life when your despair is transformed into determination, when your criticism is transformed into correction, and when your anger is transformed into action.

I interrupted. “Jesus I will have a tough time writing about this conversation. I’m embarrassed to admit my name-calling. I don’t want to write of political differences. I only want my blog to offer peace and hope for my readers. I really don’t want to write about this. Is there anything else you would have me know that will make this blog a source of peace and hope for all who read it?”

Today you are to do the next right thing- to admit your judgment against others, to discern your culpability in the brokenness, and consider how you as an individual may also contribute to the divisiveness of humanity and the abuse of creation. Then, strive to do everything you can to be a person of peace, kindness, love, compassion, care, and unity. Strive to do all you can to make your community, country and world a better place.

Your peace and hope will arise when you work for good, rather than festering in your anger or frustration.  And your loving work will not only help to foster peace and hope for others, but also for yourself.

You will become more like me when you seek my peace and hope, and work for the peace and hope of others, while exemplifying my peace and hope in all you say and do.

And so I write this today.

(Photo by Karen)

It was a gloomy, gray morning and my heart was feeling the same. Walking drearily in the sprinkling rain, I asked Jesus, “What did you do when your heart was burdened?”

At first I was reminded that Jesus did what all of us do, since he too, was fully human. He cried. He worried. He prayed. He talked to friends. He walked and pondered just like I do. But he had much more to tell me.

God in all wisdom made the world perfectly imperfect. There will be storms and hardships, conflicts and illnesses in every life. We learn and gain precious gifts through these trials. If you can imagine a world without pain or sorrow, a “perfect” world in which you had no needs or concerns, a world in which everything was provided for your enjoyment, what would you miss? You would miss such gifts as strength for the struggle. Hope in times of despair. Comfort in grief. Patience in waiting. Forgiveness in regret. Joy in sorrow. Peace in uncertainty. Perseverance through challenges.

You well know that God works to make good in every situation. Through our own trials, we are then enabled to work with God to make life better for others. God’s companionship is extended through our companionship with one another. In helping one another through the difficult times, and working for the good of others, all of the burdens of life would be greatly reduced.

Jesus continued…

God does not specifically choose when and where someone is going to be burdened. God DOES know us all so well and God is timeless, so God knows what will happen in our lives. But God does not orchestrate them.

I think I understood: “Like God KNEW you would get killed, Jesus, because people would not understand you, and fear and hatred would win the day. God didn’t orchestrate your death or need you to die. God only knew that you would.”

And God knew your body would make cancer but God didn’t arrange for this to happen. God would seize this opportunity to show you love and compassion and healing and power in your life, way more than you ever anticipated. In those moments when you were open to God’s movement, you profoundly found this to be true.

And then there was this…

When you die to yourself, you do not die to joy. In fact, in dying to yourself- to have no personal expectation except to love and follow me as best you can- you will experience a deep abiding joy that outshines any burdens that come your way. The more you look at all of life as a gift, learn to embrace the difficulties with a sense of openness, and remain willing to learn and grow, your life will become more fully abundant and dearly treasured.

Amen.

Jim and I were up extra early this morning, so I had the opportunity to watch the sunrise. I invited Jesus to join me as I hurriedly walked to the open field for the best view. Once there, I stood reverently before the breaking dawn and envisioned him with me, both of us taking in the glorious colors as the sun peeked over the trees. An incredible sense of joy filled my soul, as I savored the radiance of God’s creation while feeling Jesus’s presence so near.

I stood there for quite a while, not wanting to leave this precious moment with the sunrise and with him. I felt as if Jesus genuinely appreciated the invitation to join me in my silent moments of awe and worship. There were no questions to ask him today. The moment and his presence were enough.

God’s glory is all around us, God’s glory is always within us. We will have our sacred experiences, our profound inspirations, and our glorious sunrises. We will also have our days of our deep heartaches, our dry desert places, and our gray and gloomy days. The glory of God remains, in the majesty and the mundane, in the profound and the trivial, in the joys and sorrows, in the jubilation and the despair. God comes to us in the weary hours of the night, and in the early moments of a fresh new day. When we pause to notice, we will find God’s glory in everything.

Reluctantly, I finally turned for home. As I crossed the field, my feet wet with dew, I suddenly had one special question for my morning companion.

“What is your favorite part of creation, Jesus?”

He answered with one word.

You.

I grinned. Because I knew that Jesus would give that same answer to anyone who asks.

Thank you, Jesus.

Photo by Karen on a glorious, sacred morning.