Simply Soul Searching

As I began this week’s walk with Jesus, I couldn’t immediately sense his presence and so- this may have looked strange- I reached out for his hand. The idea of his touch brought back that feeling of deep connection. I was content to simply walk together, both of us enjoying the sunshine and scenery in quiet companionship.   

But as I looked around, I envisioned him also looking at the world around us…

“Jesus, do you see the world differently than I do?”

I then asked him to wait a few minutes before answering me because there were too many neighbors and other distractions around. 😊 Once we came to a quiet road, here is what I heard him say.

This world is incredibly smaller than you can even imagine, Karen. If you were able to comprehend the infinite universe God has created, as well as the smallness of your planet in God’s perspective, you would be both astonished and humbled. You would understand how everything around you- and especially yourself- are really so insignificantly small.

And yet you are so infinitely loved- as well as your community, your country, your world, and the entire universe. This is how incredible and awesome the love of God is. When I look around, I see my Father’s work in every person, every home, every creature, every planet, every star. You all are works of our perfect God, created in love.

Here is a gift for you to know. As infinite as the universe, God’s infinite love pours into your tiny self, down to your tiniest cells. Trusting in this infinite, outpouring love will help you to love, serve, and live without fear. This infinite love will inspire you, bring you peace, and enable you to pour out generous love, too.

We walked on…

When you look at your daily living, you see the joys and the sorrows, the successes and the failures. You measure the value of your days by the remarkable moments and the larger accomplishments. When I look at your daily living, I see the magical mystery of your very existence and of my presence within it. I see all the holy and hidden meanings of the world around you and within you. There is so much more spirit and joy and mystery and sacredness to your everyday moments than you can imagine. Learn to appreciate and recognize my presence, even in what you would consider mundane.

Finally, what you perceive in your daily living is not the total story, but only one small part of your journey. I see the entire picture, and in that I find the beauty and the purpose of your life. In the meantime, just know that your existence is important. That every moment is part of your growth, every moment includes my love, and every moment is an essential part of the total meaning of your life.  

We continued our journey together, my heart deeply grateful for these tender morning moments, which are forming another essential part of my life, too.

Photo by Karen 🙂

On this my third week, when I invited Jesus to join me on my walk, my eyes immediately filled with tears again- even more than before. I tried to just quietly remain in his presence, but the obvious question was right there:

“Jesus, why do I cry each time I envision you walking with me?”

As we walked on together, he gave me several insights. Friends, I hope that as you read these, you will also envision Jesus at your side, perhaps telling you these very same things…

Karen, I have become your oldest and dearest friend, the one who has been with you through everything in your life. I am the friend who knows you better than you know yourself. I know all your doubts and insecurities, and I am the one who encourages you to let them go. I have helped you overcome your trials and challenges. I have forgiven your mistakes and shortcomings. I have celebrated your joys and victories. I know all there is to know about you, and I love you completely. You are beautiful in my sight. Your tears flow out of the awareness that you are beloved.

When I come to your side, you feel like the wounded child who maintains a brave face until she can fall apart in the embrace of one who cares for her deeply. You cry while my peaceful presence surrounds your sad and anxious spirit, giving you comfort, serenity and hope. Your tears flow from the relief of having me close.

You also cry in my presence because you feel sad and sorry for everything that once happened to me- for the terrible and beautiful awareness that there is no pain I have not experienced or do not understand. Your tears spill out in a combination of deep sorrow and deep gratitude.

You cry because you are so grateful for how far you have come… for these bonus days you are living, for the love that I have shown you in every circumstance. So you long to have everyone feel the love you are feeling in these sacred moments. You hope to live out my love and peace and presence in this world, to become a light of my love. Your tears flow out of appreciation for my goodness in your life, and out of your earnest desire for others to know that same goodness.

Your tears stem from your heart that is feeling so vulnerable, so soft and tender toward others, especially in these difficult days. Your heart hurts for your family, for your friends, and for the world. In these uncertain and trying times, you have become so deeply aware that life is precious, that people are precious. Your tears flow from your heart that is filled with concern and compassion for others, as well as frustration from being unable to do more for them.

I hope you regard your tears as a gift. Your tears flow out of love. The love you feel from me, the love you feel for me, and the love you feel from and for others.

Let your tears flow freely. Let your love flow generously. I will be at your side, loving you all the way.

(Photo by Karen)

Today was my second day to turn off my podcast and invite Jesus to join me on my morning walk. My eyes once again filled with tears as I envisioned his presence walking quietly next to me. I wonder why I get emotional, but I hope this never fades. Perhaps my emotions stem from the inner burdens of these unusual days, along with the new awareness of the intimacy of our relationship; the tender feeling of being heard, understood, and companioned by my closest friend in these trying times.

I intentionally walked in silence for the first mile, hoping to allow the next question to reveal itself at the proper time. But I began to wonder if my pace was a comfortable one for him- and there I had my next question. A simple, practical one. “Am I walking too fast, Jesus?”

I thought of a few stories of Jesus in the Bible, and I first pictured Jesus casually sauntering from place to place. Then I pictured him walking with purpose and determination, quickly enough to get to his destination, but allowing for all the interruptions he encountered. Hmmm… then I had another thought: Jesus did not see interruptions as interruptions. He simply stopped to help or heal people as he walked along. My thoughts continued to reflect on more of those stories as I considered his pace and mine.

But I was suddenly shocked back to reality when I nearly stepped over a long black snake in the street! Oh my- the snake was at least three feet long! I have never seen one that large, even when I walk on hiking paths through nature. I was quite frightened and upset, so I was distracted from our conversation for a bit. Talk about an interruption!

While I gradually calmed, Jesus answered.    

Your pace does not matter as much as your peacefulness in it. I hope you will learn to stop seeing interruptions as obstacles that keep you from getting to your goals. Life with me is about embracing everything as an important part of your path, an integral part of your journey.

You are meant to keep walking with me. To walk in peace, to go slowly when needed, and yes, even to stop in your tracks at times. To allow for the silences… and the secrets… and the spaces. The sunrises and the sunsets. They are all part of your journey with me. Even the snakes.

Trust that I will remain at your side, no matter what your pace may be. Just do not forget that I am with you; do not neglect me. Do not forget to hold my hand, to turn to me, to thank me, and to listen when I want to interrupt your thoughts.

May you stop ignoring the present moment in your pursuit, for the present moment should be your pursuit. Goals certainly help to guide, inform, influence and inspire your path. But your focus should be less about reaching the goal than about walking the present path well.

We continued our walk with a deep sense of quiet companionship. I felt grateful to have started this practice. “I am going to love this,” I thought. 

“Stay with me Jesus, on this journey. Wherever it leads I know you are with me.”  Tears.

I will stick with you Karen. I will be with you always.

My mileage tracker announces another mile. I notice that my pace has slowed.   

Photo by Karen on a morning walk.

(One day each week as I take my morning walk, I am inviting Jesus to walk along with me, then asking him a question that comes to mind. If you haven’t already done so, I encourage you to take a few moments to read yesterday’s post, Can I Ask You Something, Jesus? (Introduction), for a more detailed explanation.)

My first question for Jesus was one that has weighed on me in recent years, this beyond-middle-age time of life.

“What am I missing, Jesus? I mean, what am I missing that YOU would want me to have?”

Karen,
I would want you to have the serenity of my love, and the certainty of me…

I want you to have the serenity that comes from knowing you are beloved, and so be able to go forth in confident peace, with all of the fullness of you, no matter what the future holds. I want my love to provide you with the serenity to take those courageous steps in becoming your true self- without regard for results or successes, without concern for opinions or reactions. I want my love for you to be your true guiding light.  

I want you to have the certainty of me when you write of me. I want you to be able to write of the things I show you, even when they seem absurd or unbelievable. I want you to be so certain of me that you no longer worry about whether people will believe you. I want you to write what you hear me saying and stop questioning whether they are your words or mine.  

I want you to be so certain that I am here, I am working, I am active, that you could write a blog of me that seems crazy enough to scare or intimidate you- but you will feel compelled to write it anyway (like this conversation). To write of something so beyond yourself that you must fully trust it is I, working in you.

You understand that I don’t orchestrate or control people, and instead allow your free will. This is true. But as you open to me, I DO move in your life. I make you more aware and receptive to the gifts around you. For you as a writer, I offer podcasts, Bible passages, friends, books, and thoughts for your inspiration. For your growing areas, I offer wisdom from mistakes, small nudges to action, twinges of guilt for correction, and peaceful feelings to guide your discernment. Your needs are always, always answered. You have only to notice them.

Why do you feel the need to qualify the things that you hear me say? Why do you worry that people might think you are crazy to be hearing from me? If you are truly sure of me, you would have no doubts. Why do you invite my movement and then discount it? You say that you “think” or you “sense” or you “seem like you heard” me. When you hear me, say that you heard me.

I know you are concerned that if you write about what you hear me say, you may sound prideful or privileged, as if you claim to have this unique gift. But trust me… you don’t have any gift beyond or better than anyone else. I’m moving in everyone. You are ordinary. You are beloved. And so is everyone else. This is the invitation you are to extend to others today; to know that I am here, I am loving, I am working in new and surprising ways. In everyone.

And remember… the truth that I reveal in or through you may not be another’s truth. But it IS your truth, your truth in me.

So Karen, what are you missing?

Can you write what I have said to you today? Even more, can you LIVE what I say to you?

Can you live each day in the serenity of being loved by me, fully trusting in the certainty of me? To go out with courage, with joy, with peace…

without a doubt?

(Photo by Karen, taken on a morning walk)

“Are you ready? May God come alongside you in the silence, weighty and strong, head bowed next to you with respect, ready to sit for a moment. May you not demand an answer but be content with his presence, listening to his heart of love.”¹

I was on my morning walk when Emily Freeman extended this invitation during her podcast, The Next Right Thing. Spending quiet time with God is not an unusual practice for me, but this time I chose to envision Jesus walking beside me in the silence. Instead of offering my thoughts and words to a loving but invisible presence, I now had this sense of Jesus as an actual (though indistinct) human presence close to me, ready to listen and to speak. My journey suddenly felt more personal, intimate. I felt both deeply honored and deeply humbled that someone so holy and amazing would draw near to me.   

When I have imagined one day seeing Jesus, I picture myself asking him all sorts of questions. But on that morning, as I felt him next to me, loving me, I had no questions, no words at all. We walked on in my uncomfortable and awkward silence as I took in the wonder of his presence. I noticed that even without words, I felt his comfort, peace and friendship touching my soul.

This went on for a mile or so, until I remembered my plan to ask Jesus questions when we meet in eternity. Hey… why not ask Jesus the questions NOW? I decided to designate one day each week to walk with Jesus at my side, keep silent companionship until a question comes to mind, and then ask him “directly”!

My upcoming weekly blog series will include each question I have asked Jesus and the answers- if any- I receive. (I hope to post each Wednesday.)

In this current process of asking and writing (now in my third week), I have found some of the answers to be quite personal, humbling, and revealing, and so I feel some discomfort to share them with you. But I hope they offer you some insights and blessings for your own journeys. I appreciate your prayers for these walks and for these questions. Thank you, dear friends.

¹https://emilypfreeman.com/podcast/the-next-right-thing/58/

(Photo by Karen, taken on a morning walk)